Orange Is the New Black

All right, so you got your visiting room over here,

which is where your mommy or daddy will come and visit you.

You gotta put their names on the list.

This area, down here, out of bounds,

okay, guys, until you get assigned down here...

Ooh! They must've locked you up for your own good.

Hey, don't be afraid, little girl.

Daddy can protect you from the criminal element.

All right, Boo, keep it in your pants, okay?

Come on. Forget about them.

Oh, my God.

Oh, shit, she is risen!

Shit.

Shit.

Oh, shit!

Five, four, three, two, one, go!

Man, I don't know who the fuck this is. Pass.

- Uh! No passing. - But I don't know...

Man, time's running out! Say, like, "it sounds like," or something.

Uh, all right, rhymes with Bleve Blerwin.

Man, she's cheating! You can't do no "rhymes with"!

What the fuck I was supposed to do?

Stupid ass people ain't nobody ever heard of.

- Time! - I know!

Man, Steve Irwin. The Crocodile Hunter?

Rest in peace, B-T-dubs.

All right, my turn! Ready, P?

Whoo! We got this.

And... three, two, one, go!

- Uh, crazy dude who believes in aliens? - Tom Cruise.

Yes, ma'am. Okay, okay. Um...

- Basketball. Uh, nerd glasses. - LeBron.

- Other one. - D-Wade.

- Yes, ma'am. - Man, what the fuck?

Yo, chick whose husband died real young.

- The white Michelle Williams! - Yes, yes.

Time! You're outta time!

Uh-uh, now, see, as long as y'all two playing, I quit.

Yo, yo, ain't our fault you ain't current on your Us Weekly.

Stars, they're just like us, Mackenzie!

Yo, you think I could try?

Man, how many times I got to tell you we need you on clock duty?

And I like clock duty.

Yeah, watching the clock and smelling the clock.

But, you know, I was thinking, with my dramatic skills, I could play...

Yo, son, you straight up lost your mind last time.

All hitting yourself in the head and shit.

Yeah, we still can't play Jenga 'cause of you.

Yo, well, look, thing is, we already got a even number.

- So, come on, J, you up. - Clock duty.

- All right, come on, J. - Okay.

And... five, four, three,

two, one.

Blastoff!

I dressed myself, Mama!

She's so pretty.

Isn't she?

She looks like you and Daddy.

Mommy and Daddy made her, honey.

She's our miracle.

Can I hold the miracle?

Here, sit back right here.

Now, just be extra careful.

Make sure to support her head.

What's she called?

Grace.

Hello, Grace.

I'm your best friend and your big sister, Suzanne.

Just me and you. You and me. You and I.

Okay, honey, that's enough for now.

She's had quite a journey today. You can hold her again later.

No! She's my baby! You give her back!

You told me she was mine! She's mine! Give her back! Give her back!

Suzanne, stop it, be a big girl.

Do something.

- But I have the baby! - Give her to me.

No! No! No!

Hey! Hey!

It's pretty exciting being a big sister, isn't it?

You know, I couldn't wait to meet my little brother when he was born.

But you know what? That kid cried for a whole year.

I even asked my mommy if she could put him back in her tummy.

Hey, would you like me to fix your hair up?

It seems you should have a fancy do to go with that fancy outfit.

Ooh! I love, love your wings.

Thank you, pink's my favorite color.

Oh, I can see that.

Nice.

All right, there, Chapman. Well, looks like it's your lucky day, hun.

Oh.

Ah!

Come on.

It's like family.

Oh, I never thought I'd be so happy to be back here.

Blondie!

I thought they'd shipped you away for good.

I heard you gave what's-her-boobs a pretty good beatdown.

Didn't know you had it in you.

You beat someone up?

Yes, I did.

- What's your name again, hun? - Soso.

No, no, no, I said what's your name?

Yeah, that's my name. Brook Soso.

Oh. Um, funny story, my parents named me Brook after Brooke Shields, the actress.

Um, but except without the "e,"

'cause they thought it would be a bit more original.

But sometime around my 10th birthday,

they started saying I was named after a brook instead.

Um, like the babbling kind.

That's funny.

Proving once again, you can either be pretty or smart.

Yeah, chemo makes her cranky.

Why don't you take the bunk above Chapman, okay?

Oh, I got something for you. We got a toothbrush...

and soap.

I don't normally bend the rules like this, but you don't look full... Asia.

Well, thank you.

- Seriously, for everything. - Bah!

This is not how I imagined prison to be at all.

Hey.

What happened to her?

Oh!

Well, she got burned.

Anyway, I got a van run in a couple of minutes.

Rosa, I will see you tomorrow for your appointment.

Oh! I almost forgot.

Chapman, brushy brush and soapy soap.

We didn't know if you were coming back.

Yeah.

Me, either.

You have another one of those?

Oh. I'm real sorry, hun, I don't.

One of the black girls didn't come round when you got in?

That's a shame.

Leanne, I feel free as a bird.

No, like, not even a bird, like a snake! More like a snake.

Like an anaconda.

Like, I had to, like, shed that scaly skin

'cause it just didn't suit me anymore, you know?

Why are you talking like one of those puppets with a hand up its butt?

I'm not.

I'm just smiling. See?

I don't care what you say,

they did something funny to you up in that hospital.

Exactly!

What do you think is different about me? How do I look?

I don't know, you're acting a little, like, retarded.

I'm not retarded, I got new teeth!

Oh.

"Oh."

You're jealous.

No.

Are you jealous that I'm kind of pretty now and you're not?

Mama says pretty's for flowers and movie stars,

'cause neither one's got a brain.

So, what are you saying? I'm not smart?

Well, I'm saying...

I'm saying you're acting like you're better than us,

and we don't like it.

Okay...

You know what, Leanne, maybe you are onto something, all right?

Maybe I am tired of being down here, folding y'all's dirty panties, all right?

You wanna know the goddamn truth?

Maybe I wanna aim higher...

for myself.

Yeah, you do that, Tucky. You aim as high as the ceilings in here.

You might even be able to lick all the boogers

people have flicked up there.

Ah!

Do you have anywhere else to be? Anywhere?

Nope! Exactly nowhere to be.

Then I'll find somewhere else to be because you are annoying as shit.

I was adopted, you know.

Good for you. I wasn't.

Weren't you?

No.

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way.

You're not even supposed to be in here.

I got my ways.

There's so much blood rushin' to my head,

I'm starting to feel like a tick!

You know how they bite a deer and then it's like...

Don't interrupt.

Taystee...

I had to go into hiding.

I needed you when I was out...

and you was nowhere to be found.

Couldn't even be bothered enough to leave a note or nothing.

Baby, that wasn't personal.

I had every cop above 125th Street looking for me.

I couldn't tell anybody where I was. It was too risky.

'Course not.

'Cause you ain't too good at risky when it comes to yourself.

Where I come from, we call that "chicken shit."

I had my reasons.

You know, I'm feeling like I already gave you too much of my time.

And I don't need your explaining, and I don't need you...

especially in here.

Ooh!

Thanks for being patient, letting me finish.