Baby Daddy

No, of course, Rachel. I'd love to come over tonight.

As long as it's ok that I bring another girl with me.

Rachel?

Rachel?

Well, you've done it again!

What, did I unleash the Kraken?

No.

I was getting ready for bed,

and my water and power were shut off.

You know you have to pay your bills every month, right?

Kind of part of being a grown-up.

As is trusting your son,

who promised to run your bills down to the mailbox,

while you babysat his child.

There's a mailbox near here? Where?

And the worst part is I was one click away

from getting tickets to Bon Jovi this weekend

at Madison Square Garden.

All I heard was "I'm free to babysit this weekend."

You know what... I'm done.

I am tired of being taken for granted.

The next time you need a sitter, an alibi,

or a kidney, you can call somebody else.

Until I feel like I am being appreciated,

you will not be seeing me again.

Right after I use your shower,

your sink, and your toothbrush.

Ben has gotta fix this mom strike.

It's been three days.

Look at this.

No match. No match.

No match.

My sock situation's a complete disaster, man.

Okay. I think Emma's finally ready.

Is that my towel?

Well, it was either that or the shower curtain.

And that affects all of us.

Ben, you have to do something about your mom.

I know, I tried.

I apologized.

I even promised her it would never happen again.

But mom can always tell when I'm lying.

Oh, my God. You guys aren't going to believe it.

I'm going to prom.

Just so you know,

dating a high-school guy at your age is creepy.

Also a little bit desperate. But mostly creepy.

No.

I'm on the alumni committee, and they asked me to chaperone.

And it is going to be awesome.

I always wanted to go to prom.

No. No, you didn't.

All you did was mock prom and anybody who had anything to do with it.

I didn't ask to be elected king.

The people demanded it.

I'm sorry, but mocking was one of my defense mechanisms.

I thought it was eating.

You know, some people just go

and keep telling everyone their date's in the bathroom.

I'm just offering it as an option.

Well, lucky for me,

I still have my old prom dress.

You know, the one I bought in the hopes that a certain someone

who had been ignoring me all through high school

would finally ask me.

- I'm sorry, were you saying something? - I was answering a text.

So all I have to do now is just have it taken in.

Oh, my God! Or you could just use the leftovers

and make some play clothes for the children.

"Sound of Music"?

Oh, come on, people. It's a classic.

Well, I'm glad you're going.

Maybe I could take you this time. You shouldn't go alone.

Oh, no. I'm not.

Philip's taking me.

He's actually flying in early from his conference

in Boston just so he can be my date.

That's right, people.

I have a boyfriend.

And I'm going to prom.

Oh, cool.

Bon Jovi added a second show at the Garden.

Practice is canceled tomorrow.

Oh, my God, really?

That's how I can make things right with mom.

I can get her front row seats to Bon Jovi.

Good luck 'cause you're going to have to camp out overnight

to get those kinds of seats.

Oh, my God. I'm in.

What are you talking about? You don't even like bon Jovi.

I know. I've just always wanted to go camping.

Where do you think we can get our hands on a tent?

This is the life, isn't it?

You know, this must be how our ancestors

waited in line for tickets.

Marshmallow?

Oh, my God. Ben, are you okay?

Are you kidding me?

This is your "emergency 911"?

What, you wanted me to hold your place in line

while you peed?

I'm sorry, mom. I just wanted to see the look on your face

when I tell you I'm first in line for your forgiveness.

A.K.A. Bon Jovi tickets.

Oh, my God. Ben, really?

- Yeah. - Oh, I'm...

I'm so touched. See?

This is what I'm talking about.

Making our relationship a two-way street.

I'm glad you're happy.

But when you call this a relationship,

it makes me queasy.

Oh, and Ben, when you get the seats,

I like to be a little off to the side.

You know, so I get a good view of those dimples.

And I'm not talking about the ones...

I know what you're talking about.

I'll take anything.

Nosebleeds, ear bleeds...

if I don't get tickets, I'll bleed.

Oh, this is good.

- You found seats? - No, they changed the hold music.

Tucker, man, what am I going to do?

Hey, Benji.

I just talked to Janice from the old neighborhood.

And I told her that I had two tickets to Bon Jovi.

And that she can suck it,

because I am bringing my favorite son.

Whoa, mom, there's been a little hitch

in our giddy-up.

A what in our who-dy-up?

What Ben is trying to say

is that the seats aren't in the first row.

They're in the third.

They are?

They are. I'm sorry.

Oh! No, no. That's fine.

Oh, my God, Benji!

I am so excited!

Oh, I'm going to go find my easy-lift shirts

so I can flash Jon a special message...

if you know what I mean.

Again, I know.

Tucker, you're a life-saver. How did you get those tickets?

Charisma.

My aunt Charisma's a ticket scalper.

Well, I've been stood up for prom.

My life is officially over!

There's a horrible storm in Boston

and all of the planes have been grounded.

Lamest boyfriend ever.

Aww, but Cinder-Riley,

you have to go to the ball.

No, obviously,

I am just not meant to go to prom.

I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Oh, my God. Danny.

What are you doing?

Well, Philip called, and he wanted me to make sure

that you were okay.

I thought I could do better.

Corsage?

This is just about the sweetest thing

anyone has ever done for me.

Philip is just the best boyfriend ever.

Yeah, he's great. But we should probably get moving.

All right.

Bye, Tucker. Don't wait up.

Oh, I won't. You know.

- Mostly because I have a date. - With Emma.

Oh, come on. She didn't have to know that.

Hey, Ben. Hey, how are the seats?

Oh, yeah. They're great.

Except they're a little far from the stage.

Those tickets were fakes, dude.

We've been arrested.

Really, Ben?

Fake tickets?

We could go to jail.

Mom, don't worry. I'll straighten everything out with the guard.

But just in case, you are wearing that easy-lift shirt, right?

Duh.

Excuse me, officer. There's been a huge mistake.

What? Coming to a concert with fake tickets

or coming to a concert with your mommy?

Hey, hey... huh?

Look, she's the biggest Bon Jovi fan in the world.

She once sat outside of his house for three days.

And that's only because she couldn't scale a 15-foot wall.

Wall? Please.

It was an electric fence.

And I still got a bald spot in the back of my head.

Sir, look at this face.

That is the face of innocence.

And the best mom in the world.

And I know, behind the cold steel of that badge,

there's a heart in there somewhere.

So please, I beg of you.

Punish me twice, and let this amazing,

selfless woman go.