House of Frankenstein

Now will you give me my chalk?

Try that again and I'll put you on solitary confinement,

you would-be Frankenstein.

Don't profane his name with your dirty lips.

He was a genius in whose footsteps I will follow when I get out of here.

"When you get out."

If I have anything to say about it, you'll never get out.

But I will.

Now, friend Daniel, shall we go on with our work?

Now, this brain is taken from the man

and transplanted into the skull of the dog,

but given the mind of a human being...

Now, Frankenstein would have severed the spinal cord here,

but I'm not certain that he was right.

Could Frankenstein have made me like other men?

He gave life to a body that he made from parts of other bodies that had died.

Yes, Daniel, he could have made you like other men.

Dr. Niemann, did you know Frankenstein?

No. But my brother, who assisted him, learned his secrets.

And before he died, he passed them on to me.

Then you could give me a new body.

If I had Frankenstein's records to guide me,

I could give you a perfect body.

Hyah! Hyah!

Try it again, Herman!

Now, all together!

We could help you.

My arms are strong.

Well, thank you, whoever you are.

Take the front wheel. We'll take this.

Try it again! We have help!

Push!

Hyah! Hyah!

May I offer you the warmth of my living wagon?

Thank you.

So you're a merchant that's been held for ransom by mountain bandits.

For the better part of three months.

And that's your servant?

Do you doubt me?

It's a doubting world, kind sir.

As I, Professor Bruno Lampini, have reason to know.

I have a collection of the world's most astounding horrors.

When I exhibit them, what do I get?

Doubts, jeers, cries of "Fake! Fake!"

You expect your patrons to believe

that the skeleton you show them is really that of Count Dracula?

I, Lampini, took it.

Pardon me. Borrowed it from the cellar of Dracula's castle

in the Carpathian Mountains.

With my own two hands I spread upon the floor of its coffin

a layer of soil taken from its birthplace.

So that by proxy, shall we say,

the skeleton of his earthbound spirit might lie at peace within his grave.

Until the withdrawal of the wooden stake from its heart

set Dracula free again

to satisfy his unholy appetite for blood.

At night, the giant bat would seek its victims.

But before sunrise, return to the safety of his coffin.

Aye, a single ray of sunlight falling upon

a vampire would make him helpless.

Do you ever exhibit your show in Visaria?

Visaria...

No. That's a town that doesn't care for horrors.

They had one of their own some 15 years ago

when a Dr. Niemann tried to give a dog the mind of a human being.

They threw him in prison because he, like Frankenstein,

used bodies of the newly-dead to carry on his work.

Is old Hussman still alive?

He's now the mayor of Reigelberg.

Are you going there, by any chance?

Oh, later on in the season.

It's a small place. Too far away to make a special trip profitable.

Nevertheless, that is where you are going.

I am not going to Reigelberg.

Then Daniel and I will go alone.

No. No!

Now the driver.

Well, you seem worried, friend Daniel.

If they search the ruins of the prison, our bodies will not be found.

We should hide.

And so we shall, but in the open.

All the protection of a traveling show.

I as Lampini, you as my assistant.

Free to move on towards those

for whom I have unloving memories.

The ones who sent you to prison?

Strauss, Ullman,

and old Hussman, the burgomaster.

Yes, friend Daniel,

we will travel to the village of Reigelberg

and pay our respects to the Burgomaster.

Your move, Inspector.

That's a neat trap you've got me into.

Checkmate. Put it in the book, Inspector.

- Grandfather? - Yes.

He's here, Carl.

As a man, I admire you. As burgomaster, I respect you.

But as a chess player, Herr Hussman, I hate you.

Did you lose again, Inspector?

It serves you right. I told you not to play with him.

He always wins, don't you, you old darling?

I hope we're not breaking up your game, but Carl and I have decided...

She means she has decided.

To take in the midnight show of the horror exhibit down at the crossroads.

Spooks, ghouls, vampires.

Get his hat and coat, Carl.

You're going with us.

To stare at a lot of idiotic humbugs?

Not I, my dear. I put my weary bones where they belong, in bed.

Your hat and coat.

I'm not going!

You'd better give in, Grandad.

These American girls can talk you into anything.

That's all they do, talk.

- What? What did you say? - Aaah!

Now, now, darling. Remember your blood pressure.

That's the man I married. Talk, talk, talk, talk!

I can never get a word in edgewise.

Here, put this on.

No.

And no arguments.

- Come along, Inspector. - No. No.

- You're coming with us, too. - Oh, but I...

And I don't want any arguments from you either.

Come along. Come on.

Persuasive little minx, isn't she?

Brr! I'm all over goose pimples.

And properly so, you little goose.

Now, don't be grouchy. This is fun.

Master, police inspector.

It's all right, Daniel. We have our permit.

Oh.

Now, there is something I could really use.

I wonder where I could get one.

What for?

Just the thing to keep the wife under control.

This way, ladies and gentlemen.

Step this way to gaze upon an exhibit absolutely unparalleled

in the realms of showmanship.

No doubt there are some among you

who will doubt the truth of what I am about to say

or doubt the reality of what you are about to see.

But believe me, my friends,

this is no fake.

Before your very eyes is all that remains of a vampire.

One of the world's undead.

Dare I but remove this stake from where his heart once beat,

and he would rise from the grave within which he lies

and turn into a bat, a vampire bat,

who'd feed hideously upon the living,

whose veins pulsate with warm and vibrant blood.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the actual skeleton of Count Dracula, the vampire!

Rubbish. Sheer rubbish.

I don't know, Herr Hussman.

There are many people hereabouts who still believe in the old legend.

Aye, sir. It is true.

I'm surprised at you people.

You seem to doubt what I say, Herr Burgomaster.

Bats. Vampires.

A stake driven through a skeleton's heart.

Gibberish. Every word of it.

Furthermore, my friends,

one single ray of sunlight falling upon a vampire will destroy him.

Say, who are you?

My name is Lampini.

You're not the Lampini I ran out of this area three years ago?

That was my brother, recently deceased.

You remind me of someone.

Someone I can't quite recall.

Perhaps you will remember later, Herr Burgomaster.

Yes, perhaps.

Drop the stick from your hand.

Drop it.

But if you move,

I'll send your soul back to the limbo of eternal waiting.

Do as I ask, and I will serve you.

I will protect the earth upon which you lie

so that before sunrise,

your coffin will always be ready for you.

For that,

I will do whatever you wish.

I hope I haven't spoiled your evening for you, Inspector.

As a matter of fact, I found it most interesting.

But I say good night here.

- Good night, Carl. - Good night, Inspector.

- Mrs. Hussman. - Good night.

- See you in the morning, sir. - Good night, Hans.

Don't get lost in the fog.

Well, you certainly picked a night for it, my pet.

It's like being wrapped in the arms of a gigantic ghost.

Ghosts, vampires! Can't you talk about anything else?

Listen.

If you're going toward the inn, may I offer you the accommodation of my coach?

You don't have to say that twice.

Pardon me. I'm Carl Hussman and this is Mrs. Hussman.

We are here on our honeymoon.

My congratulations.

And this is my grandfather.

How do you do?