Porky's II: The Next Day

- They're for you. - What am I gonna do with 'em?

We thought you'd like to wear one today.

Shit!

Ok, here comes your night to remember!

Here she comes.

She's almost got it. She's almost got it!

She's got it!

Come on, shit for brains!

What do you mean, break pee wee's cherry?

If you're not cherry, you don't get Wendy.

I'm cherry. You could put me on top of a banana split, I'm so cherry.

Make it mine. Make it mine.

Please make it mine.

I got laid!

I got laid. I tore her up.

She's ruined.

She's ruined.

Where's stiffy? Stiffy!

Maybe it doesn't work for a couple of days after you get laid.

Up, you big husky! Up!

Shit.

Marilyn Monroe.

Jayne Mansfield.

Shit!

Got a bad rash, mom.

Hurts like heck.

I don't think I'll ask.

- Hey, Casanova! - Hey, stud, how does it feel?

Listen, about this Shakespeare crap.

- Shakespeare crap? - Stop!

You're getting me in trouble with mother.

It's not my fault your mom's a drama teacher.

Look. Just because you don't mind running around looking

like a jerk, my mother thinks i shouldn't mind either.

Shakespeare's good for you. It'll broaden your mind.

Shakespeare's ass sucks canal water.

Oh his ass sucks canal water. That's very profound.

- He has a keen analytical mind. - And a way with words.

Hey, pee wee. How's what feel? Getting laid.

- Same as it always feels. - Oh, I don't believe it. Never again.

What are you guys talking about? I got bodies laid all over south Florida.

Morris, the last time you got any action was with your fist. You know, Rosie palm.

You guys are jealous because i ruined Wendy for everybody else.

- Oh, no! - Now that she's had me, what's left?

Yeah, well, that's not what she told me.

- What did she tell you? - Ask her, pee wee. Here she comes.

Yeah, I can hear her pantin' from here.

Look man. When they've been had by pee wee Morris,

they stay had. I mean they can't keep their hands off me.

You guys better watch out, cause when she sees

me your libel to get caught in the stampede.

Watch this.

Hi, boys.

- She's in a frenzy. - She's rabid.

She didn't see me, she didn't know I was here.

That's what she said about you last night.

Oh, man. The girl's my slave.

Wendy!

Hey, Wendy!

- Hey, baby. How's tricks? - You talkin' to me?

Well, yeah. I'm talkin' to you. How you feelin'?

To tell you the truth, I'm a little horny. I haven't had too much action lately.

Is that so?

In fact, if I don't get next to a man soon, I'm gonna be in real trouble.

You guys are as funny as a rubber crutch.

Thanks a lot, kid.

Oh, pee wee, come on. It's just a little joke.

They made me do it. They said they'd never let me see you again.

If that happened, I'd just have to go into a convent.

I mean, after you, where's a girl to go? It's all downhill from here.

- That's what I was tryin' to tell 'em. - Well, you were right.

- When? - How about lunchtime?

- Ok. - Gotta go. See you later.

Bye.

Look closer. That is the world's record shit-eatin' grin.

- I don't know how you do it, pee wee. - I'm an artist.

Michelangelo worked in stone. Van gogh worked in oil. I work in pussy.

- He works in pussy. - At least he's consistent.

- Let's get him. - I think he needs some more.

I think he does.

Hey, pee wee!

Look seriously, lf you got all this pussy lyin'

around, I think you should share with your buddies.

- I mean we share with you. - Oh, yeah. Like cherry forever.

A mere dalliance, my boy. Affectionately done life experience.

Everybody oughta learn to run from big colored guys with machetes.

Yeah, and as early in life as possible.

Anyway, I think it's pretty awful if you don't fix us up with some of your stuff.

- Sure, I'll fix you up. - Yeah? When?

- Well, hell, any time. - How about tomorrow night?

Tomorrow night? Well now wait a minute, it might take me

a couple of days to line up some first-class stuff.

I gotta talk 'em into goin' for some other guys. I mean, you know they're pretty loyal.

- Oh, yeah. I can imagine. - Of course they would be.

Makes sense to me.

Shit.

Hi.

- You still suspended? - Three more days.

Shit.

You're right. 5:10 on the nose.

I told you. She goes to the bathroom 5:10 every day.

- Every day? - Every day. 5:10 every day.

You can set your watch by it.

- She's German, you know. - Very interesting.

Yeah? What's so interesting about when miss balbricker goes to the bathroom?

A little experiment i got for zoology class.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

- Hey, stemrick! - What do you want, pee wee?

Listen, you get a lot of action, just like me.

Yeah, I get my share sure.

Listen, I promised to set Turner and some of the guys up with some pussy ya know?

They haven't been getting much lately.

Except I don't wanna give 'em my choice stuff.

I mean these guys are pretty inexperienced.

Yeah, you don't wanna do that.

Right, so anyway I was wondering if you knew a broad that's a real pushover.

Somebody a real idiot could score with.

Hell, man. That's easy. Wendy Williams.

- Hey, stemrick. - Yeah?

Your sister sucks rhinoceros dicks.

I wonder what he meant by that?

Hold your splits, girls. Hold your splits.

All right, let's get ready for the tongue exercise. Ready?

All right. Up! Out! Right! Left! Down!

Up! Out! Right! Left!

Hey, you guys what the hell did pee wee do to stemrick?

He's pissed as shit and lookin' for pee wee everywhere.

I think he asked big John if he could fix us up with his sister for a gang bang.

Could be. He's desperate enough. Boys, i think we got his ass in a sling this time.

Yeah, well. Serves him right.

Hey, Billy?

- What kinda role you playin'? - I'm playin' a couple of roles, actually.

I'm doin' different scenes from different plays.

- What roles? - MacBeth.

- I heard of that. - Yeah.

What's the other role?

- Oberon. - Oberon? Who's he?

He's sort of like a... forest ranger.

A forest ranger? In Shakespeare?

Yeah. He looks after the woods. You know.

Looks after the woods?

Yes. He sorta runs around in the woods a lot.

- He sounds like a fairy to me. - He's not just a fairy.

He's the king of the fairies.

Oh, you mean like a really big fairy.

You guys are really funny.

Hysterical.

Come on, guys. Let's get serious. This is art here.

- I think it's really admirable, Billy. - I bet you do.

So.

So you're playin' a big fairy?

Yeah.

Well, that's good casting.

Hey, Turner, suck my wand!

- Frank. - What's up, pee wee?

Listen, how would you like to get back at Turner for that cherry forever gag?

Oh boy, you know I would. Why, whatcha got in mind?

I'll tell ya later.

First we gotta find a broad who they'll believe is ready for a gang bang.

You know, a real push over.

You mean someone who's like a door knob? Everybody takes a turn?

- It's easy. Wendy Williams. - Never mind Wendy Williams. Somebody else.

- Somebody that they don't know. - All right. Let me see.

There's this girl in the band, big edna, is supposed

to be hot. I heard, mind you. I wasn't there.

I heard she was about to take on 20 guys on the way back home from the Daytona trip.

Some of the fruitcakes in the band didn't know what to do.

- It figures. Big edna. - I mean big. Six foot.

Listen, pee wee. Take this over to that lab monitor for me.

- Oh, yeah. Sure. - Thanks.

Gee, that's very funny, Morris.

Pee wee.

Pee wee, it's not that bad.

Just tell those guys you polled all the members of your

harem and they don't want to make it with a bunch of jerks.

- That's what you'd do, huh? - I don't have a harem.

Oh, that's not what I hear.

What'd you hear?

I was asking who's the biggest pushover in school. You know what everybody said?

- Wendy Williams? - Right.

Geez pee wee, it can't be the first time you've heard that stuff.

- Well that's different. - Why?

Well before, I wanted it to be true.

And I guess now I don't.

Well, that's good. Because it's not true.

- It isn't? - No.

You don't believe me?

You went on the bus with me, just like that. No questions asked.

That's like the old joke "i wouldn't belong"

to any club that would have me as a member."

Pee wee, don't you know why I did that?

Yeah. The bet with Tommy.

I did it because I liked you

and because I wanted to.

You did?

Uh huh.

- You do it every time you want to? - Yup. Every time I want to.

It's just that I've only wanted to three times.

Really?

Tommy - you knew that.