The Polka King

When I was little boy in Poland, all the times, I dreaming of America.

So I come, I work hard...

and I climb to the highest stars.

- Let's go! -

You are such best audience. Thank you!

Now, please say hello to light of my life, my wife, my one and only, Marla.

Marla is decorated in authentic Polish amber

from the Jan Lewan Masterpieces of Elegance collection.

If you like, come after show to buy.

Or at Jan Lewan Show Gifts in Hazleton, open Monday to Saturday, nine to five.

Ziggy-zaggy, ziggy-zaggy!

- Oi, oi, oi! - That's what I'm talking about!

- - Wow!

Mickey Stutz got fire fingers tonight!

There she goes, my wife.

I love you, my wife, Marla.

I just wanna tell you, that was a wonderful show.

Thank you.

Uh, is it "Yan Levan" or "Jan Lewan"?

Whatever you like. Nobody say the same way.

Oh, my father was from Poland. No one ever got his name right, either.

Is small price to pay to live in land of opportunity.

I come with nothing, not even English.

- - I work every bad job.

I not give up.

And then I meet this guy. He is music genius. He change everything.

I waited in line for an hour for a hot dog.

Guy in front of me got the last one.

You name music instrument, Mickey Stutz can play it.

Not the accordion.

- Nice to meet you. - Mickey and me, we play everywhere.

Churches, parades, grand openings, roller rinks...

In 1981, we play 427 picnics.

And I keep building band to get big sound.

And now, this nobody from Poland is King of Pennsylvania Polka.

Jan.

Hi.

- The van has a flat. - Oh, I go change.

I just telling this nice pretty lady my whole life story.

It is so inspiring.

- Did he tell you how we met? - Not yet.

- You tell. - You tell.

- It was my big make-or-break mom... - I'll tell.

After high school, I won Junior Miss Hazleton, and so...

being a local celebrity, the Cancer Telethon asked me

to be part of their phone bank.

I saw Jan, and I'll be honest...

I felt really bad for him.

I was most nervous. First time on TV.

I work so hard to get to the big time,

and if I blow, who knows if I get next chance?

- Quiet, people. Here we go. -

Next, we'd like to welcome to the stage a new act that's been blazing

quite a trail across the greater Scranton/Wilkes-Barre/Hazleton area.

Ladies and Gentleman, the Jan Lewan Orchestra!

- - You know what to do.

Call now. We gonna cure all the cancer today!

Okay.

Oh, my.

Come on!

The minute I see her, I know. This is my future. This is my Marla.

I was infatuated.

Here was this ethnic entertainer,

and he had this charm, sophistication, he's such a classy performer...

and that accent.

That is so romantic.

Can I get a picture with you?

- Sure! - Of course!

Okay.

Ahem. You know, I never know how to work these things.

Hey, Lon! Can you, um...

Oh, sure.

Say "cheese!"

My room was freezing last night.

I piled ten blankets on me, and I still couldn't get warm.

- We gonna fix. - When?

Soon. I just had big engine to repair on tour van.

- But it is good as fixed. - Jan.

It seems like once you pay for the van, the gas, the musicians...

Ma, will you ease up?

Jan just played back-to-back shows, and then he drove all night

so we could have breakfast with you and David.

Mama, we so happy you move in to help us with David.

It means so much, when we on road, to know that our little boy in Grandma hands.

Watching that precious boy...

is the greatest joy of my life.

- - Oh, Ma, that is so sweet.

And he is why I think it's time to get realistic.

You need a stable job.

Plumber, electrician.

Every night, I'm up worrying.

Well, she doesn't need to worry. Right, Jan?

I think Mama and Marla please not worry.

I working and working. I always thinking bigger.

I build empire.

- Empire? - Empire.

Something to leave behind.

For David, my prince. And for Marla, my queen.

- See? We don't need to worry. - Why do you need to build an empire?

You're already over-extended with that knickknack shop.

I'm talking about dealing with reality.

What is wrong with him building an empire if he wants to build an empire?

- He plays polka music. - So it will be a polka empire.

And when I am fancy man on top of world, I buy you Cadillac, Barb.

I buy you hot tub.

I buy you Cadillac with hot tub.

Hmm.

Thank you, Jan, for not going to bed last night

so that you could prepare this beautiful breakfast for us.

Yes.

Thank you, Jan.

So we be there at 24th, 25th, and 27, yes?

- - Okay. We can play there 26th.

Okay, thank you. Bye.

Okay, thank you.

Mickey Stutz! You are surprise for sore eyes!

I'm quitting the band.

- What? Mickey Stutz, you are the band. - Not anymore.

Mickey Stutz, you and me, we are team.

You give people love for life with sounds you make.

I give people love for life with Jan Lewan.

We don't make enough money, okay? I'm done. I'm out.

Nope. I not let you go.

Okay, all business books say, "Have plan." I make 25-year plan.

We start here, at salt shaker.

Now, we are on napkin with good crowd.

On our way to what?

Parmesan cheese. We all get rich.

- I still bring home chump change. - Mickey,

I will work harder. I will find a way.

Nobody works harder than you, Jan. That's what's so sad.

- You know my Aunt Lois in New Castle? - The one who wear the purple sweater?

Yes. She loves coming to see us play.

Her and her friends, it's their favorite thing.

- That's very nice. - So I say,

"Come see us at BeerFest. We're playing two sets."

She says, "Is it free?"

I say, "Wait a second.

You can't pay $3 to come see your nephew and your favorite band?"

She says, "I don't like to pay. Maybe I'll pay a dollar."

I say, "Wait. I drive four hours to get down there, play for five,

and four back home, and you can't pay three bucks?"

- You know, what we do... - "What about your friends?

Are they as cheap as you, Lois?"

She doesn't blink. She says,

"They'll pay $3 for a kielbasa, but the music should be free."

This woman changed my diapers!

Okay, so, you know, maybe we leave some free tickets for Aunt Lois.

Lots of other people gonna pay $3.

Three dollars is not enough.

Lonny and Steve are thinking about quitting, too.

Mickey, Mickey, we are on our way. You know I have dream.

We're gonna be big famous.

The booking fees are too small. You made the band too big.

What? That is part of plan, Mickey.

When band get big, crowd get big. Before we play rinky-dink.

Lonny says you're adding a dancing bear to the act. That true?

Yeah. Bitsy Bear. She do funny floppy dance.

Cheryl flipped when she heard.

That was the last straw. We already have a chicken.

I knew it. Cheryl make you quit.

She's all over me.

She wants me to go back to Radio Shack.

You hate that job. That job kill your soul.

Jan, let's face it. This business stinks.

Jan, pick up! Two deliveries!

You give me little bit more time.

I figure out raise, I get Cheryl off your dupa.

When Jan Lewan Orchestra play, I feel energy of crowd and I think,

"How I bring everyone in to be part of Jan Lewan American success dream?"

But what exactly would we be investing in?

Jan Lewan.

This dream right here.

I don't get what a "promissory note" is.

I learn from my cousin in Poland.

He get invest to fund his business, and then he pay investors interest.

Everybody win.

I not enough just be King of Pennsylvania Polka.

Your invest help build all my business.

Like this gift shop, Jan Lewan-flavored vodka, polka TV show...

and we not stop there.

My success is your success.

And, of course, you get money back, guaranteed.

Twelve percent. My promise to you.

How much did the Sajacs invest?

I not tell you their business. You need ask Sajacs.

Larry's always been real smart with his money.

So you and this lovely young lady go home...