New Girl

Guys, this has been fun, but...

it's time to go start my pre-date regimen.

Ugh, that jacket! What are you and Aly doing tonight...

going to a Sinbad stand-up special?

I'm gonna go pick up my colorblind glasses from USC.

I'm a part of a study. Now, these glasses allow

a colorblind person to see color.

If they don't work, I get $25.

If they do work, they're gonna take a bunch of my bone marrow.

I just hope he puts on those glasses and realizes

how truly hideous that Salt-N-Pepa jacket is.

I mean, at least he stopped wearing the pants that go with it.

Oh, my gosh, you guys, thank you so much

for getting me out of the house tonight.

Winston is insisting we...

Stay in? Why are you staying in?

Because I might be overwhelmed by the world beyond sharp brown.

Dull brown. Brown.

You know, Aly's making sherbet tonight

if you guys want to come over.

While the idea of witnessing you seeing sherbet

for the first time is enticing, I have plans tonight.

Ooh, I see that eyebrow waggle.

Yeah, that means you going on a...

Sex date! We are having sex tonight

- out of our daughter's earshot. - Okay.

Tell me, in the realm of Cece and Schmidt sex-capades,

like, how far out are you going?

Are you, like, crossing state lines or...?

No. Tonight, we are actually gonna keep it simple.

I have made extremely elaborate plans.

I've lined up a babysitter, booked a hotel room,

commissioned a new negligee, custom-made

by a Japanese man that I found on EtsyXXX.

- I can't wait for Cece to see me in it. - What?

I think that he bought me some sort of Japanese negligee.

I know.

I found it, like, hidden in the back of the closet.

I'm gonna need a team of people to get me into that.

Winston once bought me a Canadian Mountie uniform.

- No, he did not. - Not to be graphic,

but he destroyed it in seconds.

So, Jess, what are you up to tonight?

Remember when Nick and I tried

to adopt that dog and got rejected?

I love you so much, Harriet.

I'm never gonna put you down.

I'm never gonna let you go.

I still don't get this. They took a dog away

from someone for loving it too much?

They said my enthusiasm for Harriet bordered on... madness.

Oh, I-I can see that.

Well, it's been two long years on the wait list, but...

Everything changes tonight.

- I'm asking Jess to marry me. - Wow

- Ha! - Tonight.

Well, it's about time.

You've been talking about this for a month.

I don't need this from you. I get it enough from Jess's dad.

Bob called me nine times today

to tell me that his blessing expires at midnight.

He said if I miss the deadline,

my buttocks are gravy.

Guy's got some weird expressions.

Why would you wait till the last minute for something like this?

'Cause everything has to be perfect; Jess is gonna

think about this moment for the rest of our lives.

I almost asked her at the park,

but a squirrel ran off with our ring.

Don't worry, I got the ring back, but let me

just say this, the squirrel will never do that again.

And then I got us on the kiss cam at Dodger Stadium.

That's where I was gonna ask, but once we got on

the scoreboard, I just went for the laugh

and I kissed the old guy next to me.

Anything's funny when you put an old man in it.

Except for the ground.

But this time, I have everything planned.

Nothing's stopping me tonight.

I made reservations at the same place we went on our first date.

Finally, I'm gonna make an honest woman of...

My new dog. I'm so excited.

And I get to surprise Nick 'cause he doesn't know about it.

Our family is growing

- by four small paws. - Okay, whoa.

You need to reel that back in, sweetheart.

Okay, I think you're right.

There is a fine line between enthusiasm and madness,

and I do need to keep this in check.

Come on, ladies. Let's toast to...

- Nick and Jess. All right. - Yeah!

And to us going on dates at the same time...

leading to a high probability

that we'll all be doing it at the same time.

I'm not cheersing that, man. Stop.

- I think it's nice. - Yeah, it'll be like one big orgy,

but, you know, we're spaced out.

Never mind. I retract my support.

Who's hungry? I'm hungry.

You ready for our reservation? We have a...

What is all this, Jess?

No. No. No. No.

Allow me to practice being appropriately excited

about the following information.

- We're getting a dog. - Really?

- Yeah. - We've waited two years for this.

- This could be a really big deal for us. - Yeah.

This could be the night that we welcome a new family member

- into our home. I just... - Wow.

I don't want to blow it, so you have to help me

keep it together when Judith from the shelter gets here,

'cause she has to do a home visit

- before she signs off. - You're not gonna blow it.

We will form a great game plan

at dinner, so let's go now, 'cause we got

- that reservation, like I was saying. - No. No.

We have that reservation, like I was saying.

We don't have time for dinner.

She's gonna get here any minute.

You know, last time, she was very thorough.

- Yes. - It could take a long time.

This is fine. This is foine. This is good.

This is great. I'll push our reservation.

I'll tell the restaurant we're celebrating tonight.

We weren't before, but we are now.

Get an outdoor table so we can bring our new puppy.

- That's not the plan. - Say, "Make room." We got to bring...

- The dog is not... - a dog, a dog bed, a water bowl...

- Good talk. - Some toys, some chewies.

I got you some stuff.

Oh, my gosh, you didn't...

Will you look at this?

Puzzles, a book on subway graffiti.

Candy?

- Mm-hmm. - Wait a minute.

Baby, candy is different colors?

That's what I've been trying to tell to you.

Everything is different colors.

Well, I'll see you on the other side.

Oh, my God.

Baby. Mm.

Nobody told me fruit was different colors!

- I thought you knew. - I didn't know about fruit, baby!

- Now you know. - Ah!

- Oh! This-this, uh, is purple. - That's right.

- I'm touching purple? - Yeah.

- I'm touching purple. - Oh, don't cry.

No, don't cry, baby.

- Are my socks blue? - Blue.

- Your socks are blue. - I hate blue so much!

- Calm down, baby. Okay. Okay. - Aah! Some more blue! Get that...

Just calm down. Do you want me to find you

something brown to look at? Would that be soothing?

I just think I need to... I just need to take it slow.

I am right here with you. Why don't we go sit on the couch?

Baby, what color is that couch gonna be?

Oh, don't make that a whole thing.

Oh, I did not solve this Rubik's Cube.

Help yourself to anything... within reason.

You may think to yourself,

"Oh, they have a lot of expensive cheeses.

They won't notice." We wil notice.

Okay, so, Ruth is asleep.

That little face. I love her more every day.

And, oh, look at you.

Tell your genitals to get their affairs in order.

Oh, my genitals know what they're getting into.

Hey, I have really exciting news.

I'm ovulating. It's time for another baby!

Let's get to the hotel!

We're so sorry to crash your date.

Our hotel reservation fell through.

Are you kidding me? I mean, I am so excited

to have you guys here for my big day.

Kind of wish you were here earlier.

He was being a complete bitch about pink.

No, I was not. I was confused,

because they want to be red so bad, and I'm like,

"You're not red. Like, stop." You know what I mean?

Well, this is gonna be fun.

- For a little while. - Or a long while. Who knows?

Judith is gonna be here any minute,

and I need you to test me.

I looked up "cute dog" on the Internet,

and I printed out a bunch of images,

so I just need you to shove a cute dog in my face

until I find something disgusting about it.

I can do that.

Oh. He's so teeny tiny...

that he fits in his food bowl.

And he climbed in.

He wiggled around.

He knocked all his food out.

Which sucks, because there are so many

starving people in the world.

- Next dog. - Now we're talking. Good.

I know what I hate, but I'm not sure what you're gonna hate.

Oh, my God.

I want to like this little lug.

Jess, what do you hate about this dog?