The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives

- We got the results. - You guys, the results are in.

Okay.

Wait, did I fail?

"Have you ever had sexual intercourse with Marciano?"

It says, "No." "True."

- Yeah. So you're good on that one. -Okay, good.

Okay. "Number two: Besides those two kisses,

have you ever had any sexual physical contact with Marciano?"

"No."

-"Inconclusive." -Wait, what?

But I already said I didn't have-- Like, what?

- No, I get that. - It can also be like

you guys' like being like touchy--

Well, yeah. Like, we were touchy and stuff, but like--

Yeah, that doesn't make sense, 'cause that contradicts.

You guys, I literally am shocked right now.

I feel so much better about myself.

Um, "Regarding the situation involving Marciano,

have you lied about any of it?" "No."

-"Significant reaction failed, Jessi." -What?!

- - I am not joking!

-Oh, my gosh. - Ask me anything! I haven't lied!

-Oh, no. - Jessi...

Okay...

Okay, "Regarding the situation involving Marciano,

have you told any lies about Demi?" "No."

-"Significant reaction negative." -What?!

But, like, what would I have to lie about, about Demi?

Like, everything is stuff we found out about.

"Did you ever tell Demi she looked good in an outfit when she didn't?"

Oh, I did that so many times!

I'm a very detail-oriented person,

so it does get a little confusing of why certain questions are being failed.

Usually, it means there's a lie being told.

Jordan just called me real quick

so I'm gonna go out and call him back real fast,

but I'll be back.

She's coming back.

That's gonna be obviously probably an argument.

You think?

-Absolutely. What? - But they're separated,

so it's not like he can really have any say.

Guys, the-- You act like they're divorced.

Hey. Sorry, did you call?

Um, good. The results are good.

We talked and, like,

I got a lot more details about, like, the Demi stuff and what she did

and, you know, all of her involvement.

And then he owned that he lied and that he-- he like apologized

and said he was, you know, just kinda caught up in all of that

and he shouldn't have done it.

But the main thing is that the sex stuff, we both had the same answer

and it was that we were telling the truth. So that's good.

Are you doing okay?

I appreciate you, like, letting me do this.

I mean, not letting me. Like, I appreciate you understanding

that even if you're not happy with this,

that, like, I needed to figure out everything,

and have answers, you know?

He-- We actually are all at dinner right now

'cause we had to wait to get the results.

It took like an hour and a half to get them.

Yeah, I mean, I'm my own person and we're separated--

Just going off of our past,

to be honest, I was just like a little scared.

Jordan is not super happy about this, which I get,

but it's hard because I'm not doing anything wrong.

I'm not trying to purposely hurt him.

All I'm trying to do is prove my innocence

and Jordan doesn't seem to understand that.

We're gonna have to have a conversation about all of this when I get home,

and it probably won't be pretty.

Shh.

Sorry, my legs are so big,

-I couldn't move it. -No, you're fine.

I'm like, "Move over!"

Okay. Why did you bring us here tonight?

Jeez, wow, straight to the point. Um...

- Straight to the point. - Are we getting murdered?

- Um... -

After seeing Marciano, I am very confused on the--

why Jessi would go for someone that Demi has some sort of history with.

I did think in my head that her and Jordan had this...

pretty good relationship, for the most part.

But I do think there's more to the story.

I have been in this situation.

And the more you share, the more we can help you.

I... can't help to wonder, like, how today went with Marciano.

Are you sad?

I can't tell because I feel like I haven't seen a lot of emotion.

I'm wondering how you're feeling inside.

I went through ups and downs emotionally,

but I think since I processed that the last week and a half,

this felt more just like closure.

Um, and also, I do have an issue with like being numb emotionally, like--

I mean, your-- your family is being broken up

and you're-- there's a lot of joking and laughing.

-Do you think that's-- -I think I am looking at it

but I'm really good at putting it back up.

I feel like I kind of have heard

like little glimpses of what's happened with you and Jordan

but it's never been like specific, like--

Yeah, like, just-- It's so hard to talk about.

I've been trying to protect Jordan

because I do still love him and care about him.

I also didn't want it to feel like I was putting any blame on Jordan

because what I did was so horrible.

But I think now it's just time for everyone to know the truth.

There wasn't a single day,

I'm pretty sure, for the last three years, we didn't fight.

So, like, it was a constant control.

There's so many things I wasn't allowed to do

and if I did it, it would be a fight.

I didn't do anything right: parenting, laundry, housework--

Which is crazy because I'm like, "You were the only one doing it."

-Yeah. -So, like he had anything to say--

So there was like a lot of resentment and like, I'm the main breadwinner and...

he wasn't doing anything to help.

And so, name-calling, talking down to me, yelling...

Contempt.

Because I know I wasn't treated well.

And I don't want my kids to think that's okay.

And they did see some things, you know?

I think I'm so torn right now 'cause I'm so 50/50.

- The limbo is excruciating. - Yeah, it's like,

-I don't know what the right choice is. -It's excruciating.

Like, what if I regret it if I stayed? What if I regret it if I leave?

Like, I don't know.

That's... the hardest.

I definitely think it's possible

that Jessi and Jordan's relationship has struggled

because maybe they don't live by the "normal, traditional" way of living

within the Mormon culture.

I know that, during my own divorce,

it's really hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel

when you're in the midst of it.

So, I hope that we can kind of give Jessi a glimpse into what could be

and that it really could serve her and help her thrive.

We're doing two nights on, two nights off

and it's actually harder for me to be at home right now

because when I'm home doing the nighttime routine without Jordan,

that's when I'm like, "Oh, this could be my life."

Like, it hits me.

And actually, the other night, I, like, couldn't even stop crying

and Jagger came in and he was like, "What's wrong?"

And I was like, "Oh, my tummy hurts." And he, like, came up and hugged me.

And, like, I literally couldn't stop.

And then I felt so guilty because, like, it's in front of him.

Like, I see me in you. That's exactly how I think I reacted.

Was like joking and like doing anything but to look at what is going on.

And so, I, like, really feel for you. I'm not even kidding.

Either way, what you decide, um...

I obviously wish the best, regardless of what you choose.

Do you think those things change?

-Like, do you think people, when they... -I don't know.

...call names like that, like, just that kind of behavior,

-do you think it will actually change? - No.

I didn't know that any of this was going on, to be honest.

I think also coming from my past of being in a previously abusive relationship,

it scares me.

I do think that there's certain times

where Jessi could've handled things better,

but, of course, we're always gonna have Jessi's back

because she's our friend.

We don't have any loyalty to Jordan.

However, he does have DadTok there to support him.

I genuinely feel different every day.

Like, I wake up one day and I'm like, "Okay, I feel free, I can breathe."

But then like it hits me, like,

"I'll never have, like, a family vacation with my kids and the two parents again."

Or, like, "Our parents are best friends and I'm throwing that away."

I feel like a failure, too. It's, like, I thought this was it.

- You're not a failure. - It's not.

You didn't know this was gonna happen when you married Jordan.

I just don't wanna go through a second divorce.

It's like literally 50/50, like, I don't-- I don't know what to do.

Well, you don't need to know what to do yet.

It's so hard. How do--

How do you know you're making the right choice?

I think you'll feel it.

You just like-- There's so much pain coming.

I just feel for you.

I'm like--

Jessi does remind me a lot of myself.

We're raised in this LDS culture of "shame on you."

But I don't think we deserve to be punished

and condemned forever for our mistakes.