Kevin Can Wait

There they are. How'd the job go?

Well, we were in a cold warehouse

guarding fitness equipment.

- How do you think it went? - Ah.

There were no chairs, so we had to sit on buckets.

And mine broke.

- Told you to double it up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fellas, I was just making small talk.

I don't really care.

Where's, uh...

Where's Vanessa?

She's at FedEx.

Oh, by the way,

she has a birthday coming up this Saturday.

Oh, boy, I almost forgot.

You did forget.

That's why I put some ideas together.

All right, check this out.

A cop comes in, right?

Everyone looks around, confused, scared.

And then, boom!

Out of the blue,

"Officer Goodbody" tears off his uniform,

and he starts to dance,

making his butt cheeks go like this.

What else you got?

Uh, ice-cream cake and a two-liter bottle of soda.

Done!

Uh, you know you gotta do more than that, right?

Don't you remember when we were on the force...

Vanessa made a huge deal about her birthday?

Yeah. It's like, "I get it, all right?

You were born. Let it go."

Maybe we should plan a party...

Deck the whole place out,

you know, make it special.

Or we go with Rootger's idea...

Ice-cream cake and a bottle of soda, and I'm gonna say this...

I don't even think we need to the bottle of soda, to be honest.

- Hey! Hey! - Hey! Hey!

Hi, guys.

Well, somebody's got a birthday coming up.

What are you gonna be?

Turning the old 47... 41? 41?

- You're 41. - Yes.

But we're just gonna treat it like any other day.

Okay, you don't want a party or a little gift...

A little something-something?

Nope. You're off the hook.

It's a trap, dawg.

Oh, I get what you're doing here.

Okay, it's one of those things where

you're saying you don't want a party,

but, actually, deep down inside,

you kind of do. You get that, boys?

So, we're... we're "not" planning a party for Vanessa.

Listen to me now.

I don't want anything, okay?

I just want to forget that it's my birthday

and move on with my life.

Don't read into that.

That's it, okay? You got it?

This is a trick, right? You want a party.

No!

What just happened here?

Okay, a "My Little Pony" ice-cream cake

has just been ordered.

Rootger, she just said she didn't want a party.

Oh, I'll cancel it, then.

Yeah, I-I wouldn't do that

because it's probably a lot of red tape.

You have to go through the thing.

Actually, it's just one click.

I know, but it's probably on the way,

and that wouldn't be nice to...

No, it hasn't left yet.

- But I'm sure we paid for it, so... - Nope.

Okay, why... why are you making me

go through this, Rootger? I want the cake.

*KEVIN CAN WAIT* Season 02 Episode 20 Episode Title: "Forty Seven Candles"

H-How do you spell "boom-shaka-laka"?

Oh, just like it sounds.

I have no idea. That's not even a real word!

Why?

It's for Vanessa's card. Hey, check it out.

"Think you won't have a great birthday?

You're off your rock-ah.

'Cause it's time to party like boom-shaka-laka."

It's great, right?

No.

Please tell me that's not all you got her.

No, no, I got her... I got her this too.

A gift card to Chili's.

Yep.

That Chale gave you for Christmas.

Yeah, it's called "re-gifting""

Everybody's doing it now.

Mr. Gable, you took us to dinner with that.

- We ate. - Yeah.

There's still $37.50 on it, okay?

And that goes a long way at Chili's, all right?

Dad, no!

Vanessa is your business partner.

And more importantly, she's a really good friend.

You have to do better.

Believe me, I tried to throw her a party.

She almost bit my head off.

Ahh, maybe she's a little bit sensitive

about getting older.

Ooh. I didn't think of that.

You know what it is? I always take this for granted...

How I keep it all up to code.

Okay, anyway, no matter how much

Vanessa says she doesn't want a party,

- trust me, she does. - True.

Women will often use subtext

as a way of expressing their feelings.

The key is to learn

how to tune into their frequency.

My dial, for example,

is always set to radio station K-endra.

Where it's love all the time.

Time to change the station, guy.

But you know what? You're right.

I gotta do something.

I gotta figure it...

My God, let's do a surprise party.

I'll throw one for her at Monkey Fist.

Oh, yeah. We could just decorate it to the hilt.

Yeah! Ooh, and we can have

- and we can have... - Shamana! No, no, you're not

doing anything.

Okay, this is my baby, all right?

I'll plan everything.

Dad, no. Are you sure?

'Cause, you know, you always say

details aren't really your thing.

Why don't you just make a list,

and Chale and I can knock it off?

I got it all covered.

Okay, well, do you have the phone numbers

for everyone she'd like to invite?

Except for that.

Oh, boy. Uh, you know what?

I'll just... I'll just grab her phone. I'll take 'em from there.

Even easier... I set up the servers at Monkey Fist.

I can hack into her account in a twinkling.

Uh, what? No.

That is such an invasion of privacy. You can't do that.

- It is. It really is, yeah. - Uh, no.

You're right, you're right. Sorry.

I just... I lost my moral compass for a second.

- What is wrong with you? - I... I'll think of something else.

- Yeah, okay. - Sorry.

Sorry about that, sweetheart.

You're a... Start hacking.

- Hey, Dad. - Hey.

Hey, Mr. Gable.

What's going on with the shirt?

Oh, all my stuff's in the laundry.

I just borrowed one of Kendra's.

Okay, well, I'm gonna need a different shirt

or some acid for my eyes.

Sorry, I'll... I'll just go and put on a dirty one.

Yeah.

Whoa.

All right, Vanessa's party.

Um, here's what I'm thinking

- food-wise. - Oh, okay.

All right.

- Cheese pizza. - Uh-huh.

- Crackers and cheese. - Yep.

Mozzarella balls.

And cheesecake for dessert.

Okay, do you see a pattern here?

Indeed. Do you?

Everything has cheese in it.

Yeah, it's called a theme.

No, it's called stuff you like.

That's the theme.

- Hey. - Hey.

I, uh... I got to talk to Vanessa about something.

What's the mood today?

Not great.

I said "Good morning," and she said, "Is it?"

And then she went in there

and started typing... Like, uh, angry typing.

Probably the birthday thing.

Well, she's a woman of a certain age.

Her body is starting to deteriorate.

You know, it's... it's hard to hide that with lipstick.

She tries, though.

You didn't say that before you said "Good morning," did you?

In my head, I said it.

Okay, good, 'cause I'm throwing her a surprise party

on Saturday, and I... I gotta convince her

to go to dinner with me, you know, as a... as a cover.

Oof. What if she doesn't go for it?

She has to... I got a massive deposit down

and decorations and all that stuff.