Silent Night, Deadly Night

Hello, little girl.

Would you like a scotchie?

Oh...

Such a sweet little girl.

It's okay, pumpkin.

Thank you.

Come on, Alice.

We need to get you back to your room.

Why did she call me a girl?

It's okay. She's old.

Probably confused.

But I'm not a girl.

I know you're not.

You're also not a pumpkin, but I still call you one.

You did it?

Yeah.

It's gonna be okay.

I know. I know.

Can I see Grandpa now?

Yeah. Yeah, buddy.

Uh, why don't you, why don't you go in?

(ON TV) Santa Claus, you're coming with us.

(ON TV) No, you can't take him now.

It's too near Christmas.

Quiet, you.

But--

(ON TV) We don't want to hurt you, Santa Claus,

so come along quietly.

(ON TV) Why?

Why did you have to do that to my helper?

(ON TV) It's harmless.

It'll wear off in a short while.

Grandpa?

(ON TV) Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?

MAN 1 (ON TV): Now you come with us.

We need you on Mars.

Grandpa?

(ON TV) Are you sure this is Mars?

(ON TV) Oh...

I never saw such lazy people,

standing around like statues.

Grandpa?

(ON TV) Well?

(ON TV) Earthlings Billy and Betty.

Billy.

Come here, little boy.

You've gotten so big.

(ON TV) There's someone else, too.

What have you been eating?

Rocks?

No, hamburgers.

Do you like pickles on your hamburgers?

I love pickles on my hamburgers.

Pickles and-- and sauerkraut.

Blegh!

Welcome, Santa Claus.

We hope you'll make the children on Mars very happy.

I'll try, dear lady.

I'll try.

Have you been a good boy?

Good--

Good boys get good things.

What happens to boys who aren't good?

Naughty boys get punished.

Santa is always watching.

Santa says I gotta fatten up.

Billy, water.

Now I'm Santa Claus.

Water.

(ON TV) Ho, ho, ho.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

I mean, how was I supposed to know

it was going to happen like that?

How many did he have?

Two, three, I--

Was it two or three?

I don't remember, okay?

He must've reacted badly

with those other meds he had been taking. Shit.

But he signed everything, right?

Yeah.

Is Grandpa gonna be okay?

No, buddy. Grandpa's dead.

Geoffrey.

What, do you want me to lie to him?

Yeah, a little tact would be nice.

So Grandpa's in heaven?

Oh. Yes, pumpkin, he is.

Come on, what are we waiting for?

Son of a bitch.

Did he just hit us?

Yeah!

That's great.

As if this night couldn't get any worse.

Merry Christmas, Chapman family.

I'll look for the insurance.

Great, yeah.

Hey, pal.

Look, I don't know what happened,

but clearly you hit me with...

Geoffrey!

Billy, get down!

-(GUNSHOT) -(SCREAMS)

Go back to bed, Billy.

(ON TV) Santa Claus, you're coming with us.

(ON TV) No, you can't take him now.

It's too near Christmas.

(ON TV) Quiet, you!

(ON TV) But...

(ON TV) We don't want to hurt you,

Santa Claus, so come along quietly.

Come on, kid.

Do what you've got to do, and then let's get out of here.

This isn't our room.

Yo, Harold, you in there?

I'll uh, go talk to the manager

and see if he got a room.

I'm getting one of those feelings.

Billy, get down!

Hey!

I could use some coffee.

Yeah.

Yeah, me too.

Sure you don't want

to look around?

No.

Small towns have a lot of secrets.

Good morning. Coffee?

Uh, yeah. Yes, please.

Um, where are we?

Thunderbird.

No, no, no. The, uh-- What town?

Hackett.

Hackett?

I like the sound of that.

I'll give you a minute.

You may be right.

I'm not seeing anyone.

Hey, Dana.

My typ order.

Thanks.

See you later.

Her?

Hmm.

I'm not seeing it.

See something you like?

Oh.

Word of advice, careful with that one.

Sugar-coated onion, if you know what I mean.

What's her um, what's her name?

Pammy. Pamela.

I call her, "Pammy."

She hates it.

You're right, we should go.

Shut up.

Sorry, not you, not...

Sorry.

Don't even think about it.

It's not your decision.

You know this never ends well.

What's that supposed to mean?

You know exactly what it means.

Oh, fuck.