Joey

Previously on Joey:

You and Sara are all happy. You're gonna move in together.

- Sara's gone. - What?

For the next three hours, vote for which of us...

...gets killed at the beginning of next season.

Wait, what?

I have sat long enough hearing...

...how you threaten my boy. It ends now.

No one talks to me like that.

Would you like a job?

What'd you do that for?

I don't know.

Well, good morning.

Who do you belong to?

"Joey. I needed to leave. We'll talk about last night later. Alex. "

Alex?

No, no.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I'm still here.

Hey, neighbor.

Oh, okay, look, Alex...

Still naked.

No, Alex, don't go, don't go. Okay, look, it's fine.

No, it's not fine. I don't do this.

I don't wake up in some guy's bed and put my clothes on...

...from the night before and sneak home.

I see the girls who sneak out of here in the mornings and they're yucky.

Just Wednesday. Tuesday nights are tough.

- Oh, God. - Wait, wait. Okay, don't go, don't go.

You're uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable.

But we have to power through this, okay? Let's lay it all out on the table.

I'll start. What's up?

This is not helping. You are making it worse.

Well, you're not looking away.

Joey, it's me.

What are you doing?

I'm freezing.

That cheapskate Alex turned the heat off.

But Joey, Alex?

Have you no self-control?

You couldn't resist the sexual dynamo that is Alex?

I'm still here.

Alex, you dirty birdie.

Look, don't listen to her.

Joey, who did you have up here last night?

Sounded like a bobcat attacking a seal.

- Hey, Alex, what are you doing up here? - I'm the seal.

Man, I am such an idiot.

Things are gonna be so weird now between me and Alex.

Yeah, they are.

- How did it even happen? - I don't know.

I was upset about Sara, Alex was in a vulnerable place...

...and I don't know about her but I was trying to work off a big meal.

I can't believe this.

Darn. I gotta call Bobbie and see if my character got voted off the show.

Oh, wait. Before you call, I went to see her last night...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Bobbie Morganstern's line. - Hi, this is Joey Tribbiani. Is Bobbie there?

I'm sorry, no. All her calls have been forwarded to this line.

This might take a minute.

She got a new assistant. Sounds awful.

It's me, Gina.

Oh, that's funny, my sister's name is Gina.

Gina. Gina.

I know you're trying to hide it from me but I think you're working for Bobbie.

I was trying to tell you.

When I went to tell her to leave Michael alone, she offered me a job.

What? How does you talking about Michael lead to you working for Bobbie?

How does talking about Sara lead to having sex with Alex?

I explained that.

I just had a steak this big.

Anyway, you never had a job like this before.

That's why this is so huge for me.

It's my chance to work at a respectable place...

...with a desk and a chair, and a bathroom with a lock on it...

...that has toilets with seats.

Where did you work?

Oh, I just...

Alex, what are you doing? Hey, come on, don't run away from me.

Look, you're one of my closest friends. We have to get past all this.

Joey, I don't think you understand. This is hard for me.

When I'm around you now, I just feel so...

- Horny. I know. - No. God.

I feel stupid and cheap. I just...

Normally, there would be months or weeks of dating and wooing...

...before that would happen. But we had nothing.

Not even one romantic night.

Oh, I could fix that.

I'll give you all that romantic stuff now.

I'll woo you after the fact.

So then we would do it backwards?

No, Alex, we won't have sex at all this time.

Backwards timewise.

Right.

I don't know if that would work but I guess it's worth a shot.

- So come by tomorrow night, say, 7? - Okay.

Great. Wait, what's tomorrow?

- It's Tuesday. You're fine. - Okay, good.

Oh, Gina, you're here. Great. Let's get started.

This is your desk and this is your phone.

And this is your sexual-harassment seminar.

- I'll be in my office. - Wait, I actually have a couple questions.

- Hi, Bobbie. - And this is my other assistant, Jason.

You have any questions, just ask him.

- So, what do I need to know? - You'll figure it all out.

Nobody helped me out when I got here. The harder it is for you, the better I look.

No, you gotta help me. I really wanna do well.

I'm a single mom and this job means so much to me.

It's like Erin Brockovich.

Hey, look at you. First day at the big job. How's it going?

I'm gonna kill that Jason guy.

You've been here half an hour.

Look, Gina, if you're serious about making this work, you have gotta be a professional.

Who are you to give advice about an office?

Oh, I don't know. I only played the CEO of a major lingerie corporation...

...in the Showtime original movie Velvet Heat.

- Hey, Bobbie. - Oh, hey, Joey. Have a seat, doll.

The results of the poll are in.

Oh, God, they voted me off the show.

Of course they did, I suck.

You're still on the show.

I'm awesome.

I mean, what are they gonna do, not vote for me, huh?

I mean, this is America, not Crazy Land, huh?

You love me? Right back at you, America.

It turns out you were the most popular guy on the show.

So I say we go in there and ask for a raise.

Ask? We tell, huh?

What else do you want?

- A better dressing room. - Great.

- And a car. - What else?

- And a big, crystal, red... - Oh, you know what?

- We'll just ask for the money. - Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You are gonna get what you deserve.

All right, everybody, let's set up for Joey's death scene.

Call me crazy, Bobbie, but I'm starting to get nervous.

God, what have I done?

Hey, man, you ain't got nothing to worry about.

You're way better than this show.

- Yeah? - Trust me, Joey.

Do I know you?

- No, I'm just here today for the head gig. - Oh.

I beat out 10 other guys for this part.

I'm the only one who could fit through the neck hole.

Hey...

...get me a line.

What? What are you gonna say? Your head's cut off.

I don't know. "I can't feel my legs," or something.

Come on, you got a lot of pull around here.

Oh, do I? You see this?

This look like a hat that says "big star"?

Guys, quiet. All right, let's take this from the top...

...and action.

Well, it looks like I got one more chair-lift ride left. To heaven.

I can't feel my legs.

Cut.

Ask them if they gonna use that.

Bobbie? Thank God you're here. I am freaking out about losing this job.

You gotta talk me down.

Oh, I've ruined your life.

No, don't say that.

You've committed career suicide and it's all my fault.

Why did I demand that on-site Scientology tent?

- Well, what's my next move? - There is no next move.

No next move?

No. You're greedy and you're high-maintenance.

You're a problem now.

God.

Oh, I feel so empty and confused.

Do you think I'm pretty?

I don't know. You gotta get me back out there, okay?

You gotta get me another gig, all right? America loves me. Remember?

No, there's nothing I can do.