Scorpion

This memo is an insult!

You've been offered equity

in a company with great upside potential.

So how is that an insult?

I invented a winch, State of New Mexico orders

15 grand worth of it, you take the money.

Okay.

All right, well, let's see.

I start a company with my own savings,

I pluck you guys out of obscurity, I give you jobs,

and then, you throw my generosity

in my face.

Generosity?

Well, let's look at these numbers,

shall we?

You scanned my memo?

Oh, I scanned it, baby.

And Happy and I really appreciate

the .75% share of her invention.

Corporations routinely take the lion's share

of an employee's invention.

And you two are married, so you're really getting 1.5%.

How do you explain

my .7%?

How do I rate less than these guys?

Simple, you're a human calculator.

Artificial intelligence makes you superfluous in seven years.

But I still

gave you a piece of the pie. Is that not nice?

What about Paige?

Interesting that she has a full one percent;

more than all of us.

She's not even a genius.

Hmm, so strange. How peculiar.

What are you guys insinuating?

Nothing. Just that the only person in the office

to play Nude Olympics with Walter goes home with the gold.

Before I came along, you dorks

were setting up home office computers.

Yeah, and for what it's worth, Paige's share is really .25%.

Ralph gets .75%

for all the times he helped us out.

But due to labor laws, I had to put it under Paige's name.

Hold on.

You... you value my son three times more than you value me?

Well, only on a work contribution level.

Dingus, our fertility treatment hasn't worked.

We need more funds.

It's not like I'm keeping the funds!

I'm reinvesting it in Scorpion.

I-Isn't more tomorrow

better than a little today?

- Nope. - Oh, fine!

Suppose I can give you a few extra bucks,

seeing as it's your invention.

Wow, thanks for the extra shillings

to throw into my account.

Your account?

What do you got, a separate bank account?

Maybe.

What is Easter Island's point of view on all this?

I'm just trying to figure out

where I can buy just one right shoe...

Wait for it, this is gonna be good.

...because I'm gonna lose mine

somewhere up Walter's ass.

Bam! There it is.

Wait, why are you mad at me?

I don't see my name on that list.

You work for Homeland, you're not a Scorpion employee.

So I'm not a real part of the team?

I risk my life just like everybody else.

More so, 'cause he is so old.

Troublemaker. Penny-pincher.

You should've known what problems this memo would cause.

We need guidance getting through this conflict.

And I know exactly who to call.

Walter, if you're calling who I think you're calling, don't.

He's helped us before.

His diploma came with a maze and a word search on the back.

Yes, hello, this is Walter O'Brien.

Uh, not good, actually.

And we need your counseling right away; money is no object.

Okay, see you soon.

Okay, see you soon.

That's Homeland Director Carson.

He's gonna be here in five minutes.

Carson? What does that turd want?

Four-person CIA team imbedded

in Kazakhstan.

Found out they were kidnapped just hours ago.

Okay, if Homeland can give us their satellite imagery,

we can provide an extraction plan

for the military.

Extraction? No.

We got six of their guys, we're gonna do a swap next week.

This stuff goes down all the time.

Then why are you here?

Those agents are the starting infield

for the CIA softball team,

and we were supposed to play for the FGSL championship today.

FGSL?

Federal Government Softball League.

Replacement team would be the FBI,

but they're busting a drug ring in Colorado;

ATF's intercepting

a firearms shipment in the Gulf.

Oh, even the Department of Agriculture's dealing

with a boll weevil problem in Texas, so it's down to you.

Down to us for what?

As independent contractors with federal clearance,

Scorpion qualifies to play in the league.

Right here in the rule book.

I refuse

to allow Homeland's undefeated season

to be tarnished with an asterisk.

I won't accept a forfeit.

So you're going to play us.

And why should we help you? You tried to put

my roomie in prison. You two were roommates?

Yeah, while him and I were engaged.

While she was married to him.

Before I dated her.

Damn freak show in here.

Look, you're gonna play,

'cause if you don't, let's just say Scorpion might not get

any government jobs coming its way.

If you're trying to get back at me by humiliating these guys,

perhaps you and I should figure out another way to settle this.

Threatening a superior?

I'd hate to have to bring you up on charges.

Again.

I-I don't expect you to play, Pops.

But come, support your team.

You could be...

the mascot.

Let's make it interesting.

If we win, Homeland doubles the rate that they pay Scorpion.

Fine. But if we win, I'm yanking Scorpion's government clearance.

I am sick of your antics,

comments, and unprofessionalism.

Um, Cabe, I do the books.

We lose government work, Scorpion's toast.

What's the matter?

Mommy won't let you play ball today?

Shake it.

See you at the field in Sherman Oaks

in 30 minutes.

What the hell were you thinking?

He called us out.

You bet our company.

We can't beat them.

You heard how Carson talked to us.

You see, geniuses,

Paige and Cabe grew up playing sports.

They don't know what it's like to be bullied by a jock.

They don't know that you're just supposed to take it and move on.

We'll coach you guys up.

People like us don't win at sports.

In gym, Coach Baclavella

would give grade bumps to the kids

who would give me the worst wedgies.

One year, everybody got A's.

Little League sucks for nerds growing up.

You watch kids do things

you can't, having all the fun,

and at the end of the season,

the winners get to go to a party at Big Ernesto's Taco Hut,

something you know you're never gonna be able to do.

And Ernesto would let all those kids choose their trophies

out of the trophy case.

Stupid trophies.

I always wanted one of those trophies.

We don't have any equipment, or any funds to buy any,

so, guess we can't play.

I've got a fast and cheap way to get everything that we need.

Just meet meet me at the field.

No, I-I... I can go with you.

And-and help you carry things.

Okay, I got here as quick as I could.

Let the healing begin.

What I miss?

Called me on the right day, Gallo.

We busted a frat house for bookmaking-- civil forfeiture--

seized everything, including tons of sporting equipment.

Now, I feel a cold coming on,

so I'm just gonna... put the key down here,

and head home sick.

Just make sure everything's back

by 6:00, before the next guy clocks in, huh?

Appreciate it, pal.

Appreciate what?

I never saw you.

So this is unsavory.

Wouldn't be necessary if any of you dorks had baseball gloves.

Yeah, that's right, Homeland!

We're gonna roll right over you little punks!

I regret asking her to play.

What did she do to my son?

Florence, you seem