What About Brian

Previously in What About Brian:

- I had fun last night. - Yeah, I did, too.

We start with ovulation induction.

If this is the way it has to be,

I don't want to have a baby at all.

Have you been thinking about the open marriage?

Sure, I have.

- Dave. - Suzanne.

What are you doing here?

I was out doing errands.

Come in?

I saw brian. Where's he been all day?

With me. We had a hard time gettin' out of the house.

Brian, it's marjorie.

When I see you with someone like lisa B.,

It's hard not to wonder "what if?"

Richard, right? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Sorry we're late. There was a hole.

That guy?

Okay, no putting in the house, please.

Eh, eh, eh, eh. Lethal weapon.

Hand it over. Thank you.

Hey, maybe maria will take you and your sister miniature golfing today, huh?

Yay!

I love miniature golf.

Maria's coming today?

Yeah, I got stuff to do.

- What kind of stuff? - Uh, I got a haircut at 11:00,

uh, yoga, the cleaners.

Just, you know, stuff.

Yeah. Girls can't come with you?

Well, honey, I make these appointments on the weekends

'cause you usually watch the girls,

but you're going golfing, so I just got the sitter.

Right. Right.

What's up with you?

You've been weird all morning.

Really? Noticeably weird?

How would you rate my weirdness on a scale of one to ten, deena?

Why are you taking your computer with you?

'Cause I have to show brian something.

Feet straight.

I can do it. You just aim, and...

tap it.

Well, you just gotta learn to read the green.

You know, I'm a doctor.

I'm thinking golf is cliche. Maybe tennis?

Golf is never cliche.

Angelo, take off that hat.

I'm not playing golf with you in that hat.

At least I can take my hat off.

Your hair-- you're stuck with that.

Here, show her how to putt, bri.

I gotta get my clubs.

Oh, hey, do you and, uh,

lisa wanna come over tonight?

Oh, honey, I can't tonight. I'm on call.

No, she's not. She just doesn't like lisa.

Adam...

I am on call, and I don't dislike lisa. I like her.

We all like her.

I know. I heard your message last night.

There's dave.

- Nicole is coming by later. - What for?

Uh, she has some wedding ideas for you.

- Ciao, bella. - Let's go.

Bye.

Lisa heard your message, too.

The "what if" didn't go over too well.

Oh, god.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I keep trying to make things right,

and then I just go and mess it up.

Marjorie, I like this girl.

I mean, she's at my apartment right now working on her clothes,

waiting for me to get home,

and for the first time ever, I-i wanna get home.

I want this to work, and I need you to help me make it work, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Bye, honey.

Bye. Have fun.

Come on, nancy.

Can't you drive any faster?

I don't think this thing goes any faster.

Tee time's at 10:00, and, uh,

brian's gotta do his little girly stretch routine.

oh, you're goin' down.

Yeah, hey, dude, where are the breakfast burritos?

Yeah, are there two beans and cheeses?

Please learn how to say it correctly.

- I am. - No, you're not.

Beans and cheeses.

- Dude, where's the bag? - He forgot them.

Don't joke about juanita's breakfast burritos.

You know I take this very seriously.

No beans and cheeses?

It's bean and cheese.

That's what I said.

No, it isn't.

That time juanita moved her truck,

we couldn't find her for months.

It was like losing a parent.

He doesn't have them.

How could you?

That's your most important job.

Not having those burritos--

it's worse than being seen with angelo with that stupid hat.

It's my lucky hat.

Yeah, how lucky could it be?

Dave forgot the burritos.

Enough with the burritos.

Life goes on without the burritos, okay?

They're not even that good anyway.

They're filled with lard and egg product and juanita'special sauce.

I don't know what's in it.

Do you? Does anybody?

Huh? Has anybody taken a good look at juanita?

I mean, taken a real good look at her?

What are you doing, dave?

What's up, dude?

I think deena's doing it.

Doing what?

I think she's sleeping with another guy.

So I'm filming larissa's birthday party.

Happy, happy, happy.

Just watch.

Looks like a normal conversation, right?

Okay, right there. He pushes her.

What the hell's that?

All right. Watch this.

All right, now see,

right there behind the glass.

You see that?

They're fighting.

I don't know, guys.

Am I being paranoid here?

What do you think?

That is the worst dinosaur performance I've ever seen.

Angelo.

What? What?

He's worried about deena fighting with this other guy.

Yeah, come on, it could be anything.

Yeah, not if you're having an open marriage.

You're having an open marriage?

Yeah, we talked about it,

okay? That's all.

It got us goin', but we never...

we know this guy, okay?

His daughter is larissa's best friend.

Maybe that's what they were fighting about--the girls.

Come on, bri. They're 5.

In italy, people fight all the time.

Perfect strangers fight like this for a parking space.

In america, people don't get into it like that unless...

What?

What? Whatever it is, just say it.

Unless there's...

somethin' sexual goin' on.

I mean, that's what you're thinkin', right, dave,

that because of this fight, something sexual's going on?

Thank you for supporting the los angeles county ranger girls. That'll be $12.

Yeah, okay, no, thanks.

You're wrong, adam. It's not sexual. Sorry.

Do you fight with the cable guy like that, huh--your boss?

Nicole has been arguing a lot lately.

It's kind of scary.

Don't you want to support the los angeles county ranger girls?

Here, I'll tell you what.

I am gonna give you-- let's see.

I've got $5, okay?

You know when your daddy's in a bad mood

and you have to stay away from him all day?

Okay, that's what's going on here, all right?

So just take the $5 and go.

Just go. Just go now.

Marjorie and I fight like this sometimes,

but it's only because we're so hot for each other.

You know?

Nine times out of ten, we end up in the sack afterwards.

I mean, that's the best kind of sex anyway.

Not helping.

It's $12 for the wash.

We're trying to raise money to buy a motorized wheelchair

for one of our members who has a spinal cord injury.

Not that guy.

I see that guy all the time when I'm dropping off the kids.

Jerk!

Hi.

Hey. Uh, larissa just-- she left her sweater over at the house.

I got it in my car. I thought I would stop by.

Uh, dave's not home.

- You can't come to my house. - I know.

I just-- I've been trying to call. I want to apologize.

Can I just-- can I just come in?

Just for a minute?

But I thought you guys had agreed to this open marriage thing.

Well, we did.

It's just that dave and I said we wouldn't tell each other,