Animal Control

It's mating season, Shred.

Birds do it mid-air, frogs attached to other frogs,

a lot of dumpster humping.

Love is in the air.

Love doesn't exist.

Are you still moaning about Emily?

It's been months.

She blew up my heart, Frank.

You weren't even together.

Well, I can't believe she chose Rick.

You never even told her you liked her.

Yeah, well, regrets, I have a few!

Alright, that's it. Get out.

I'm in a rare good mood and you're bringing me down.

Get out.

I'm not getting out, ok?

I'm not on probation, we are now partners.

Things have changed.

Well, I'm a senior partner so I make the rules.

Get out.

Senior partner is not a recognized category

according to department regulations.

I checked.

Regulations also state

that you have to have a stain-free uniform.

Childish.

Yeah, it's childish and deeply satisfying.

All available units,

report of raccoons in a bowling alley, 21 Capen Street.

Truck 12 responding, two minutes out.

Word of caution: the raccoons appear to be inebriated.

That's kind of fun.

They came in through the A/C duct and hit the bar.

These guys all 21?

Yeah, this reminds me of the X Games afterparty,

but with less raccoons.

These guys all 18?

Frank already made the American version of that joke.

Nice.

Oh god. Guys, is he...

Satisfying a very specific fetish?

Welcome to mating season, everyone.

This is why I own my own ball.

Hey!

Woah! Alright.

Let's get these trash pandas in the truck.

Hey! Woah!

I want my little friend in lane 23.

Ok, raccoon.

You know what?

It's a lot of paperwork and wildly inhumane.

Come on, I'll let you throw a ball at Shred.

It's not the same.

Shred, you seeing this?

-We need quarters. -Yeah.

-Do you have quarters? -Uh...

There's more in the arcade.

You get the claw. I got the arcade.

If the kitchen's open tell 'em to start frying.

I'm coming back hungry.

Hey, little buddy.

Going for a high score?

Oooh. Should I book the suite with the private hot tub?

Probably not.

Too late, it's booked.

Seven glorious days and nights in Kauai.

It's on the rainy side but I got a good deal.

Sorry, can a pregnant woman even go in a hot tub?

Yeah, she can do a light soak up to the mid-calf.

Oh, lucky her.

A Baby Moon is not just for the mother.

Yeah, but she's doing all the hard work.

What're you pushing out of your vagina?

She booked none of this, no planning.

The hotel, the zip-line, the massages, that was all me.

I need a vacation, ok? It's just--

This pregnancy is just... It's killing me.

Hey.

Hey.

Look at this guy.

You and Rick didn't get a dog, did you?

'Cause that'd be--

That's-- I mean, that's a big commitment.

No, I found him wandering in the parking lot.

I'm gonna get him scanned, see if I can find his family.

Oh, ok. Well um, good luck.

He's super cute. Alright, see you around.

Oh yeah, just keep staring longingly.

That'll get it done.

Oh, don't break eye contact. It'll break the spell.

I hope he finds a home

so he don't get creeped out by you anymore.

He wasn't creeped out.

Hey, I forgot to tell you, Victoria and I got Arkansas.

That's 46 license plates for us which puts us in the lead.

Arkansas?

Mmhmm.

No, you didn't.

We totally did, because up until now

I thought it was pronounced “Ar-kansas”.

It's not, and I'm very confused as to how it's not.

And you just happened to forget to tell us

that you got one of the most elusive license plates,

only topped by a plate from Puerto Rico or American Samoa?

Are you calling us liars?

I'm calling you lying sacks of liars.

Yeah, and I don't like to use the L word but right now

both of your pants are on fire.

Ok, new rule.

The license plate does not count unless it is accompanied

by a photo taken from inside the truck.

Because, again, dirty, lousy liars.

I'll take the photos.

Alright, everyone, listen up.

Hey, your smallness? It has no effect on me.

In two weeks I'm gonna be lounging on the beach

in a tropical paradise.

Hey, speaking of the beach-

Yeah. You'll be soaking in the rain, tight wad.

Intermittent showers. It's actually lovely.

She said “listen up”.

Thanks, Bettany. Um, I can take it from here.

Alright. The floor is yours.

Ok. Um, actually, one small thought.

I know you've just been our receptionist for a few weeks,

you're doing so great. You go above and beyond,

um, but sometimes it's like you go above and beyond

above and beyond.

Oh, copy.

Egg bites are on your desk.

Ok.

Um, tremendous job at the bowling alley.

I know it's easy to forget but what we do here

is vital to the city.

And Patel, you should probably get a rabies shot.

I'm still good for a few months.

Oh right, the bats.

I forgot.

Diego.

Hi, what're you doing here?

Uh, there's something I need to talk to you about.

Yes, oh my god, you called me. I'm so sorry.

What's up?

Uh, I met someone.

And I want a divorce.

Oh...

Divorce?

Guess we're not in Arkansas anymore.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have blindsided you like that.

No, it's ok.

Good to see you, Diego.

Ok, see ya.

What the hell?

You're married?

Guys, relax. It isn't a real marriage, ok?

Diego is a DJ at a club that I used to go to,

and I just needed a green card

so, like, it made sense for us to just do the thing.

But there aren't supposed to be any secrets in the cab.

I shared my colonoscopy results with you.

You shared that with everyone. At lunch.

In color.

You all had to go through the prep with me,

I owed you the payoff.

Polyp free.

Polyp free.

Uh, not so fast.

Coffee is for naturalized citizens only.

Are you ok?

I mean, no, not really. I'm kind of freaking out.

If I can't find another way to get a green card

I'm gonna get kicked out of your stupid country.

You should talk to Emily

'cause I think the department could sponsor you.

Wait, really? Do they do that?

You know, I'm not sure,

but I am sure that I'm not gonna visit you in New Zealand.

It's way too far away.

But, tell you what, meet you halfway. Portland.

You should be nicer to me. I just got divorced.

Wha-- hi, Rick.

Hi.

I came by to score a few extra boyfriend points.

What're you up to now, Rick? Three?

Oh, probably not that many. But I do my best.

Ha, and he's humble. He's the whole package.

We love Rick.

Awe, are these peonies?

They look like the ones we saw at the flower market.

The same ones we saw at the flower market.

Someone may have doubled back, I don't know.

That's how you do it, people.

That's the kind of attention this lady deserves.

Or is it too on the nose, Bettany?

I'm kidding.

It's so amazing you keep showering Emily with gifts.

Come here.

Wait, come on.

Oh! Oh!

Careful!