Simp

Your call is being forwarded to an auto.

Hello?

Hello.

Anybody in here?

Oh! Sleeping beauty's up!

Two hours, 13 minutes and 20 seconds.

That's a new record, Todd.

Hey. I didn't want to kill her.

All right?

Oh, boy.

What? Looks like someone's starting to get a little soft...

I'm not soft. - What?

You're hard?

Look, I've just learned.

During prior experiences...

Prior experience? My ass. - All right.

How many times we done this?

Okay.

Don't answer that.

You're a retard.

Thanks I'll be here all week!

Actually, you won't.

Very funny.

I'm not joking.

What?

Sorry, bro.

Your services are no longer needed.

What do you mean? My services aren't needed?

My services are always needed.

Not this time, sport.

Well, you can let me at least.

Boss's orders dog!

Sorry! Oh Boss's orders. That's fucking cute.

So then,

what the hell are you going to do all week?

I've got plenty to do all week.

You sick fuck, you sick fuck.

Ok I'm not talking about that.

And what the hell are you talking about?

I'm talking about none ya.

None ya goddamn business?

Ha-ha you're fucking hilarious.

See you're so jealous gay boy.

Look at you!

Yeah.

I may be gay,

but at least I'm not a fucking faggot

like you are! Wow.

Wow.

The jealousy right now is fucking,

like, seeping out of your pores.

How dare you come out with homophobia?

I've got a brother who's gay, for Christ's sake.

Hey, pipe it down back there.

I said, pipe it the fuck!

Goddamn it!

Just fucking go take care of it.

Okay.

Get a move on, Elton John.

Suck my crocodile cock.

You know, crocodiles have, like, scientifically very small penises, right?

So do you!

Ugh.

You look hot!

Are you hot?

You're sweaty.

All right.

Here's what we're going to do.

We're going to blast the AC.

Isn't that cool?

And you are going to be fucking quiet.

You whore.

You whore!

You whore! Yeaaaghahaa!

But seriously, though,

if you want to live, you know,

just be quiet.

Capiche?

Don't worry. Sugar tit.

We're almost there.

Hey. Oh,

and by almost there, I mean, we're only about

three hours away.

Well.

Well, what?

Well, what do you expect me to do?

Bro, I don't care what you do.

Your work is done here.

You think you can handle this on your own?

Yeah, I know I can handle it on my own.

This is a big step up for you.

Not really.

Don't act like this isn't a big deal.

It's not a big deal.

It's a huge deal.

Just take the camry and fucking go.

Fine.

Don't call me if you need anything.

I won't need anything.

Okay, great. Don't call me.

I won't.

Okay, great.

Grand. Fucking fantastic. Bye.

See you later.

Tell your boyfriend I said hello.

All right.

Thank you. Course I will.

There you go.

There are two mimosas.

Anything else I can do for you girls?

Hello?

Hello?

That's a cute pic.

Yes. Here's to my bestie moving up in this world.

You must be thirsty.

Don't worry.

You won't be cuffed for too much longer.

You hungry?

I can make you some Top Ramen if you'd like.

Help! Somebody help me!

Somebody help me!

Help!

Somebody help!

Go ahead and scream.

All you'd like.

That, Nobody's going to hear you out here.

Or us.

Oh. You don't need this, do you?

Bon Apetit!

I mean, she sucks at replying to text messages.

But normally she doesn't take this long.

Oh. Hell naw.

Come on. She's, like. Glued to that screen.

Do you even try to call the manager?

No I haven't.

What about the agent?

Yo like, maybe she don't have reception up in there.

Good idea.

Let me try now.

Okay, cool. I'll call you back.

I Don't think it's going to be easy

but it's not going to be tough

$50,000?

I think we can ask for more.

Hey.

Check it out.

Opening bid is $30K.

What?

For Sunday's auction.

Excuse me.

Auction?

The auction?

You know, for the 17th century antiques.

Hello?

It's for you!

You're for sale, my darling.

What do you think? - I was just gonna.

Keep you here?

What do you want from me?

Thing is, it's not really up to me.

It's.

It's up to the auction.

You'll go to the highest bidder.

Hey, you know, you never know.

You could get snatched up by a billionaire prince.

True fairy tale story!

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Well.

Actually, there is a uh,

There's an alternative option.

If you can get someone to pay $250,000.

You get to go free.

It's kind of like the.

The buy it now button on eBay.

Except, you know, like, not really.

So do you have any, like.

Oh, do you have any, rich grandparents,

uncles, aunties?

No, I, I have no one.

Ah, damn.

Well, tough luck.

But, you know, I mean,

look on the bright side. - Yeah.

At least, you know you won't be down here too much longer.

Hey. Hey.

Look.

We don't know who's going to come snatch you.

It'll probably.

It'll probably just end up being some

some lonely old rich guy.

You know?

It'll be like hanging out with grandpa.

Except grandpa might do weird

things to you sometimes.

And look, you know, it might not be so bad since he's so old.

I mean, she'll probably die soon, and

maybe you can coerce him into leaving you

his fortune.

Anyway. Good chat.

That's the news for the day.