3rd Rock from the Sun

There's something about the moon and stars

that's... so romantic. I wish that--

All: Dr. Albright was here

instead of a group of ungrateful subordinates.

- What are you reading? - "Vogue."

Ha! Look at this. "Stomachs are in.

Breasts are out."

Well, that's just basic anatomy.

Why don't you look like that?

Because that woman has used a line of products

that promotes moist-looking skin and a vacant look in her eyes.

Well, get some.

I've also noticed, lieutenant, that most girls smell better than you do.

All right, it's my job to research women,

so I'll get some soap, but I want it understood

it's not because I want to smell nice.

Sally, you know, fragrance is an integral part

of the human experience-- the smell of flowers in the springtime,

the aroma of fresh baked apple pie.

A beautiful sunset

with pink and orange streaking the sky.

Harry, that's a sight, not a smell.

Oh. Well, I knew it was

one of those face hole things.

- Good morning! - Shh!

Please. I'm meditating.

Oh, meditation. Interesting.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling stressed out,

I like to visualize myself in a peaceful place.

Don't let me interrupt. You go on.

How do you do it?

Close your eyes. Breathe.

And picture a beautiful place.

Okay.

Yes, I'm there.

There's a lovely breeze.

I'm wearing a gauzy dress.

A wave hits me,

but it doesn't matter because I've lost that winter weight.

I take off my shirt.

The sun embraces me like thousands of warm fingers.

I am relaxed and free.

Even my horse senses your calm.

I didn't see your big horse, handsome stranger.

That's because you were distracted

by my chiseled pecs.

Just then, their secretary arrives to say

"it's all-you-can-eat fish day in the cafeteria."

Ooh, fish. Great.

Ah, yes, fish.

My horse likes fish.

Don't wander off. I'll just be a second.

And, you, don't touch anything.

Can I help you find something

from the Firma De tata skin care line, miss?

I'm looking for soap.

Are you oily or dry?

It depends on where you look.

Combination. Are you familiar with

our foaming face wash, De bara tata?

- Is it soap? - You'll love it.

And today we have special on Olia De Firma eye cream.

- No, I just want soap. - How are you on toning gel?

Mi throata tota is a must.

If it's soap, I'll take it.

Are you sloughing?

What words are you not understanding?

I need soap, just the soap. Give me soap!

If I can help you or answer any questions,

just let me know. I'm onya.

Okay, onya, I was wondering

if you could explain to me this human obsession with youth

and why the cosmetics industry perpetuates this self-destructive behavior?

Excuse me.

That was great, what you just said to her.

- I've seen you at school, right? - Yeah, I've seen you, too,

hiding under the bleachers watching the cheerleaders.

You didn't strike me as much of a thinker.

I'm August. Don't call me Auggie.

I'm Tommy. Don't call me Auggie, either.

You know, it's so depressing

how the baby boomers have distorted society.

They screwed up the job market, froze music for 30 years,

and now this.

Yeah, they've created an entire industry

attempting to recapture the youth they squandered.

Tommy, you are insanely bright.

Well, it's just how I feel.

"Very berry lip stain." What do you think?

Me like.

Ooh! There's my cab. I'm late.

- Your cab? Where are you going? - To the airport.

Oh, the airport. I'd love to see the airport.

- We could make a night of it. - Well,

I'm just going to be there until my plane leaves.

- Going on a little retreat. - Retreat? You're going away.

- Just for a week. - A week?

- Uh-huh. - Is there a number I can call you if I need you?

Ooh, gotta go. Bye.

But--

Dr. Albright!

Hey! You forgot your--

you forgot your--

me!

Hi.

Care for a complimentary facial from orca skin care for men?

I don't think I should.

Don't you deserve a little time-Out for yourself?

- No. - Come on.

Sit down. Relax.

Ooh!

Soft.

Thank you.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

You really have great skin.

You probably stay away from the sun.

Well, after almost crashing into it,

you learn your lesson.

Most men don't think they have time for pampering,

but they're wrong.

Well, I'm really not like most men.

I could tell.

Is it that obvious? Boy, is Dick going to be mad.

You know, he keeps telling me that I need to fit in more.

Who's Dick?

He's my high commander.

I was in a relationship like that once.

Now, doesn't that feel good?

The first time is always fabulous, isn't it?

Sally: Dick!

Oh, it's you. How's your soap research?

It's more than soap, Dick. It's a whole regime.

Aviana gave me all these vials of potions to experiment with.

Okay, this one dulls my shine. This one brings out my glow.

But I'm going to put 'em both on my face at the same time and let 'em fight it out.

- Who's Aviana? - She gave me this.

And expected nothing in return?

So, does anybody

notice anything...

different about me?

Your teeth look whiter.

I bet you think I've been mountain biking, but, no.

It's orca's sunless sea bronzer for men.

Phillip says that it gives the illusion of being in the sun

without all of the elastin damage.

- Who's Phillip? - My skin care specialist.

He taught me that my self-esteem

does not rely on what others think of me

but, instead, on how I look.

Well, you look like an idiot.

Oh? Well, the people at the personnel office

didn't seem to think so.

You're looking at

the new orca pour homme representative.

I get to wear a sailor's suit.

- Where's Tommy? - He's with his new girlfriend, August.

August? Phillip? Aviana?

Who are all these people? What kind of a store did you go to?

They're just friends we made. You should try it.

Excuse me, just because I've developed a relationship with one woman

at the expense of developing a relationship with any other human on this planet

- does not mean I don't have any friends. - Name one.

- Well, I've got lots of friends. - Who?

Willie, Steve, and...

carpet giant.

Good morning, Dr. Solomon. Isn't it a beautiful day?

You're in a cheerful mood. Do you forget that Dr. Albright is gone?

- Nope. - Nina...

do you have the number where Dr. Albright is staying?

- Yep. - Good.

- Could you get her on the phone for me, please? - She said no calls.

You work for me, too. When I ask you to do something,

you are to do it immediately, no questions asked!

Whoo!