Weepah Way For Now

If you're ever tucked inside Laurel canyon,

this is the street my two sisters used to live on.

If you listen carefully,

you can almost always hear a distant howling.

My name is Emily.

And I was born without a heartbeat.

I'd have been the middle sister.

Right between Elle, the oldest,

and joy, the youngest.

The three of us would have lived on Weepah way.

This would have been our neighborhood.

We would have been three wild animals.

I'm here to show you the last week my sisters spent

on Weepah way.

At the time,

Elle and joy were eight months removed

from moving in to Laurel canyon,

an historic neighborhood between sunset and Ventura.

Two years removed from moving out of the family house

and in with our newly divorced mother.

Three years from discovering our father was cheating.

Four years removed from starting anti-anxiety medication.

And eight years since releasing

their last album as recording artists.

Shit.

- Okay. - Oh, god.

- Different bowl. - What the shit?

Oh, shit. I think it's on fire.

Let me tell you about them.

Elle liked making budgets, but never kept them.

She loved knowing what job paid

for every item in her life.

Joy would report Elle's spending to our mother.

The separation from our parents

didn't trigger any addictions or odd behavior.

There was no real acting out.

Although the trauma might have accentuated

the habits my sisters already had.

This is my father, John.

This is my mother, Lynn.

On the rare occasions Elle and joy saw him,

they invariably went out sailing on the canals

around his new bachelor's retreat.

Mom claimed to enjoy her freedom.

Especially her freedom to stop as frequently as she wanted

on car trips.

Joy, my younger sister,

was the last to let go of the image of our father

as a great man.

Look at this one.

All of the ties to their youth were slipping away.

This is Elle at 24.

This is joy at 22.

This is the house my mom shared with cowboy Lou,

her boyfriend of two weeks

who owned a winery in Paso Robles.

She moved in with him only days after discovering

she had two years before her savings would run out.

Elle and joy, tucked into the hillside of Laurel canyon

believed it would all come together.

All of it for the good.

Elle, roadie threw up all over herself on her Gandalf beard.

And it's dripping.

Here, stay in the shower. Stay there, stay there. Stay!

Welcome to a typical morning with my sisters.

What the fuck? Were you just touching that?

You're vile, why is that out?

- Why are you in here? - I'm in here because I don't wanna

drain roadie's vomit beard in my shower.

- Oh, that's nice. - You okay, honey?

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

You're disgusting, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Mom warned me about this.

That it would be really hard living together,

because I do all the work around here

while you sit here vibrating.

Oh, she said that? Oh, that's interesting.

- 'Cause she said the same thing about you. - Are you kidding me?

Why are you here?

I do so much and mom knows I don't use a vibrator

- to distract me from everyday living. - Great.

Don't use one in the bath either,

you'll get electrocuted. Don't even look at that.

Electrocuted? It's battery operated.

And by the way, that was not me.

No, that was some weird noise in the house. Good night.

I really don't think we should have the party here.

I think everything we've been doing right now is destined to fail.

No, no, no. We are having a party here. Stop.

I don't think anyone is gonna show.

And last year for Halloween,

we ordered 15 pumpkins and carving stations,

and how many people came? Just tell me.

Remind me, for fun.

Two. Hard to forget, isn't it?

It doesn't matter, okay? People are gonna show up.

They have to. We're leaving the country.

They're gonna be asshole friends if they don't.

They are asshole friends.

Half of them are musicians or actors. They're not gonna show up.

By the way, when does Terminix come?

8:00-12:00. Fuckers never give an exact time,

so the guy's window is huge.

Who says 8:00-12:00?

That's like me saying "I'll show up to an audition from 8:00-12:00."

What time are we expecting her? I don't know, 8:00-12:00.

Could be 9:30... Could be 10:15...

Could be 11:52... Could be past 12:00.

Then that's really fucked.

Yeah, no shit.

You gotta get up at 8:00 in case they come at 8:00.

Then you have to live your life staying here just to wait for the rat man.

Shit. Well, it's better that

than it comes out during the party.

It's like...

It still smells like something died in here.

It on... Every time I walk in.

My thing that I'm worried about

is that this house isn't going to look good for our party.

'Cause when dad shows up I don't want him doubting us.

- I don't want him saying, "ooh, there's rats..." -I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

"When dad comes?"

- I might've invited him. - Oh, oh, you told our father

- to come to our going away party? - Yeah, 'cause he's our dad.

- Oh, that's so nice. - He's blood, you know?

Oh, thanks... You fucked up.

Why?

You fucking invited him, when you shouldn't have.

And I know why you did it.

Because in your little, weird, strange, obsessive mind,

you're sitting there in your room

and your mind is racing, your heart is beating fast.

- You're like... - You know what? He's blood.

And we need to just fucking stop pussying out about dad

and getting scared about what he's gonna do at a party.

Admit that you fucked up. And I will let it go.

Just say, "you know what, Elle?

You're right. I did something wrong.

It's my issue."

Admit it right now, you fucked up.

Was that just you?

Was that the smell of you? Your life? Your being?

- Yes. - It smells like an aquarium.

- Yeah, it smells nice... - it smells like a fucking fish tank.

That is rude. And by the way, who cares about my little...

- you made her pant harder. - Who cares if I'm a little stinky.

That's disgusting.

You think my problems of O.C.D. Are a problem.

You need to fucking bathe.

I'm sorry, I sweat like a normal human being.

Ew.

- Do you wash? - Oh, shut up.

- Yes I do. - Do you clean?

Oh, really? Are you asking that question?

Yeah, I am, because your sister is very clean.

Clean skin, clean nails. Clean face.

I... my vagina is always clean.

- My breath never smells. - Your vagina never...

how do you know that your vagina never smells?

I got a physical.

- No, I don't go down and smell. - Oh, yep, mom, oh!

- Vagina's clean. What? - My nails are clean and always done.

My skin is clean.

I wash my feet so they don't smell.

I don't sweat that much because I have the ac on.

I think about these things.

Okay, let me fucking text all of your ex-boyfriends

and ask if your vagina never smelled the entire time you were with them.

Sure, they'll all have the same answer.

Every once in a while you'll have a bad day

because you're on your period and it gets a little stinky.

All right, put the female stuff aside. Clean, all the time.

Yeah, well, at least I didn't lose my virginity

to a 33-year-old fucking creep.

Yeah, that's right. He was 33.

That's Christ's age. Okay?

That's a powerful age right there

to lose your virginity.

"Powerful age to lose your virginity to?"

Are you shitting me right now?

That's a very important age in the biblical times.

Oh, is it?

So Christ was just 33 the entire time he was in the Bible?

- Oh, I didn't know he was frozen in time. - Not saying that.

Most famous age was 33. Crucifixion.

Oh, okay. Crucifixion.

Um, in my mind I feel like maybe

when he was a baby that was a pretty big deal.

When he was like, in a manger in swaddling clothes

and Mary gave birth to him. I think that was a big deal.

Most famous age would be crucifixion.

- Anyone would tell you that, 33. - Oh, really? Is that right? Is that right?

- Is it, is it really that age? - Yeah, it was 33.

Oh, interesting.

Because I would say that if the wise men were here,

they would probably agree with me and say...

Would you talk to the wise men like that,

with that "valley girl" accent?

Yo, wise men, what was the most famous age of Christ?

They would say, 100 percent that it was when he was a baby.