Accidentally on Purpose

Oh, I can't do another office party.

I've already slept with everyone here.

Oh... Yup.

Olivia, focus.

James is coming soon.

Does this pose say,

"I'm over you, but I'll take you back"?

No. You just need to perk up your nipples.

This is painful.

Fine. I'll do it.

Oh.

Look, I am on a mission.

When James sees me, I want him to realize

he made a horrible mistake in Paris.

Okay, just a few more steps.

And...

voila! Oh, my God. Heights.

Oh, beautiful heights.

Romantic heights.

Oh, my God, it's the Eiffel Tower!

Oui! Je t'aime!

Oh, my god, it's a bag!

It's our three year anniversary, so...

I do.

You do what?

I do really want to open the bag.

It's candy.

So, do I bite into it and find something else?

Yeah.

A pecan.

It's marzipan... in the shape of a camera

because you're a film critic.

The best one at my newspaper

What did you think it was going to be?

Ja, ja. Ich liebe dich.

That.

That? No.

You know I don't do that.

Look, when we started dating, I told you

I never wanted to get married again,

and you said, "Oh, my God, do you own this plane?"

Lots of people say they're never going to do things, then they do them.

Like in Gone with the Wind.

Scarle O'Hara says she'll never go hungry again,

but then she does.

But we're not gonna go hungry tonight

because we have reseations

at Le Crillon,

he said, changing the subject.

I don't think I can change the subject.

I want a partner.

I want someone who actually stays for breakfast.

I want someone who's there no matter what.

I want to grow up.

fantastic sex in exotic locales was fine when I was 35,

but I'm 36 now.

Thirty-seven.

Good-bye.

Yeah, I love marzipan.

Focus on the mission, 'cause this is where

I turn it all around.

Okay? He's gonna walk in here,

take one look at this,

take one look at this,

realize he lt the best thing that's ever happened to him,

maybe even cry a little, and beg me to come back.

I don't think so. - Why not?

He's in the doorway with Kate Moss.

Ah! Abort mission! Abort mission!

I wonder if he'll marry Kate Moss.

Abby, how come you never wonder

what good things could happen to me?

'Cause I'm your sister.

I just think

you should forget the handsome gillionaire

who's also happen to be your boss.

I mean, look how happy

I am since I married Nick.

And you know why?

Because he's stable well-balanced, supportive.

Yes. Nick would make a good chair.

Excuse me. He would make a great chair.

Oh, listen, look around.

You'll find somebody else.

I get proposed to all the time.

I may be married now.

I'm not entirely sure.

But I do know that I cannot go back to Dubai.

Yeah, that's you, Olivia.

I watch movies for a living,

so to me, the three stages of womanhood are

Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle,

Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail,

and Meg Ryan in the grocery store, saying,

"No, really, I am Meg Ryan."

Hey, excuse me.

Can you help settle a bet between me and my buds?

Well, that's kind of my mission in life.

If you could be stranded on a desert island

with one of us, which one would it be?

Oh, well, that depends.

I mean, how can each of you enhance

my desert island experience?

Do you have any special skills?

Can you make a radio out of a coconut?

No, but I can take coconut shells,

wear 'em like a fake bra and dance around like a little girl.

Anybody can do that.

He's right. You're out.

Come on! - Okay, which one

of you two looks better with your shirt off?

Wow. I love this game!

And after we've been running around naked all day,

we'll be hungry, and I can cook.

I'm a chef.

You and me naked.

Come on, Dibs, let's try it out on that girl

she keeps reaching for her drink and missing.

Yes. Dibs. Dibs.

I'm Zack. I'd like to buy you a drink.

Oh. I'm Billie.

You don't have to do that.

Mojito, please.

Perfect. You know, I bet my buds I could go a whole day

eating and drinking only things that end in "tos."

Mojitos, burritos, taquitos.

I did that once, but with things that end in "oni."

Pepperoni, spumoni, calzone.

But the wasn't a bet involved.

My sorority was just full of bulimics.

You're funny. - Thank you.

And pretty. - Okay!

Hey, you're a really great dancer.

Just another thing I'd bring to your desert island experience.

You're funny. - Yeah.

But I'm running out charming.

I think I have some more back at my apartment.

And some homemade ravioli.

What do you say?

Abso-maybe.

Give ma minute.

Okay.

Quicker!

Quicker! Quicker!

Oh, screw it.

Guys? A golden opportunity has just presented itself.

I'm drunk!

Look, I know this may sound nuts,

but I'm thinking of going home with a guy

who may be significantly younger than me,

and I just need to know if the situation is empowering

or desprete.

Is he over 18? - Yeah.

Empowering.

So, to conclude our tour of the "broapartment,"

that's the spot where we eat.

And, uh, that's the spot where we play Grand Theft Auto.

I killed three hookers and robbed a bank this afternoon.

It was very exciting.

And that's just a spot on the floor.

I call him Steve.

You weren't kidding about having some charming

back at the apartment.

And you are a fantastic cook.

Well, I am the second assistant to a semi-importansous-chef.

Basically, I boil things.

But one day I'm gonna have my own restaurant.

Well, I'm making reservations now, 'cause that was, like,

the best thing I have ever eaten.

What's for dessert?

Whoa!

Okay.

I know I set you up with that dessert line...

and you were right to jump on that...

but, um, I'm just not a one-night stand kind of person

I just never do things like this.

Yeah, but lots of people say they'll never do things,

and then they do them.

Ooh.

So, this is the spot where we... - Yup.

Hello.

Hello.

Look, that hooker's still moving.

Oh!

What was it like?

Like eating candy.

I love candy.

What kind of candy?

Young candy.

Ah.

I'm not kidding.

He smelled like Skittle.

Ladies, I feel like I tasted the rainbow.

The whole experience make me feel great about myself.

My pores even look smaller. Look.

Oh, fantastic.

I'm sure I'll never see him again,

but so what?

I'm really glad you called me.

Yeah, yeah. Me, too. - Take off your top.