Catfish

You know, if this is your documentary, you're doing a bad job.

'Cause you're catching me when I don't want to talk about things.

Set it up, organize a time with me.

Put together some materials, e-mails,

we'll get the Facebook conversation printed out,

and we'll really talk about it.

But do you want to be the subject of this documentary or not?

No, I don't. (LAUGHS) This is about Abby.

Do you want to be the co-subject?

No, I don't see why. I don't think I'm that interesting.

I'm making a documentary about Abby through you.

Can you understand that?

What do you think? I'm going to talk to Abby right now?

No, I understand. I'm just saying.

This is an e-mail from Abby that I got today.

"My snake Zoe died today."

I didn't even know she had a snake.

"I kind of thought she was sick since Sunday,

"and this morning she was almost dead.

"By the time I got back from school, she was really dead.

"She didn't eat her last meal, so now I have a pet mouse named Max.

"He's super cute."

I thought that was really funny.

Such a positive way of looking at things, you know?

One pet for the next. Circle of life.

Yeah. By the light.

You ready? Sound levels? Everything?

Yeah.

Okay. Today is April 9th, 2008, and I'm about to open...

I think the third or fourth box, package,

that Angela, Abby's mom, has sent me.

Let's see what we got. I'm excited.

What are you expecting?

I mean, I know there's a couple...

A couple of pastel drawings that I really like, that I've seen already.

But I think there's also some pictures or paintings that I haven't seen.

Let's open this T-shirt first. This is her brother's band.

"To Rel." Oh, this is for Rel.

A little card. Do you want to open it, Rel, or should I open it?

No, you can open it. From Abby.

Go ahead and read it.

I got to open it.

The card.

I guess this is her brother's band. The Casualties.

"To Nev. Make sure Rel wears a brain bucket when he skateboards.

"He scares me a little. Peace and love, Abby."

So, wear your brain bucket. All right, now let's look at these paintings.

What's the most one of Abby's paintings has sold for?

She sounds really nice, and just normal,

which is a relief, because the first time we spoke

it was just about a package and it was short.

But...

Yeah, I mean, she's got, like, a lot of kids running around.

Her son was plowing. They had, like, a foot of snow yesterday,

and he knocked over a power line that knocked into a tree.

So, they had to cut down this, like, 150-year-old maple tree.

He burnt the transmission out on the car. They didn't have power.

Phones that were plugged in got surged and fried.

And she's, like, you know, dealing with it.

She must be awesome 'cause her kids are pretty awesome,

at least from Facebook.

The Facebook family, that's what we'll call them.

Her sister Megan is an artist, and also a dancer,

but she isn't making as much art...

Or only shared this picture with me,

because I think she has a big crush on me.

So when I put that... Made that my Facebook profile picture,

she really liked it and told me how nice it was,

and that she thought how nice it would be

to put her head on my chest and fall asleep.

So then she drew it, and it's actually a beautiful drawing.

Yeah, it is. It's really good.

She works as a vet, so she likes animals a lot.

I like animals. I'm not a crazy animal lover, but I do like animals.

She's a musician. I think she plays the cello,

maybe also the guitar, and she sings.

I'm not really a musician, but I guess you could say that we have

a similarity there. 'Cause I... Whatever.

She's a dancer.

She takes ballet, other... I think she does belly dancing.

Again, not that I do either of those,

but dance is a big part of my life.

I mean...

I guess I don't know that much about her yet.

Hey, Megan?

Hey, it's Nev.

Your voice is not at all what I expected.

No, no... It's... It's...

Really, it's a terrific voice, I just...

I don't know, I guess you never really think of a voice

when you only know somebody in a certain way.

I happen to think my voice is sort of irritating.

Thank you.

So, if you're home now,

does that mean you're, like, at home with your mom and Abby

and the whole family?

She's there, and she wants to know who you're talking to?

Well, you should tell her. I've spoken to your mom.

New package from Michigan. Really big, 35 pounds.

And I'm going to check it out. I'm really excited.

I was told that they had used paper towels to pack.

Now we've got not some, but tons of paper towels.

What's the reason for this new package?

Just new paintings. I don't know. Let's see what we got.

Here we go. This is cool.

This is the painting of Angela that she did, which is actually really good.

That's the mom?

Yeah.

Now? Yeah.

Wow. I know.

She's hot.

She is very attractive.

You know what I just learned?

That Abby puts a strand of her hair

in every oil painting that she does

because she wants to be able to prove that it's hers by DNA.

Like, whenever, down the line. She also spits in her watercolors.

These are the prints.

How many of them? Here's the original.

This is... Jesus.

Well, they're making money from them.

They sold all the art, they sold out.

To local collectors.

A lot of paper towels. All right, amazing package.

Okay, I'll be back.

What do you think? It's okay. I like it.

Megan's singing backup vocals.

This is a really cinematic...

I mean, that's a no-brainer, right?

I'm not sure who posted it, but Alex sent me a message.

"Why? I have no idea. I doubt you'll appreciate it one bit."

Jeez. I know.

And now, this is interesting. I don't know what this is about,

but I just see that Angela, the mom, wrote on Alex's wall,

"You really need to stay out of it, please."

Now, I don't know, that could be in reference to something else,

but I feel like that's probably in reference to...

I mentioned to Megan that he had sent me a message.

Last night we had a great talk. She told me about...

Did you guys know this? Chickens. She has six chickens now.

Her neighbor gave them to her as a house-warming present.

A chicken makes an egg every day. Did you know that? Every day.

Like ovulating. They ovulate eggs.

Yeah.

Crazy. Every day?

Every day a chicken makes one egg.

She has chickens? She now has chickens.

Tell us the gifts she got.

So, she bought a house,

and one of the presents was that Abby got her a baby goat.

So she's got a goat now. She has horses that live there.

Part of buying the house came with these horses that are held there,

you know, like stables.

I can't.

Nothing. You don't want this.

I'm pretty good. I'm good.

I'm sure he is.

Bye.

How long have you been calling each other "babe"?

A couple of weeks. Two weeks maybe.

So you're full-on going out? This is a long distance relationship?

No, we're not. We're not.

But, you know, if we met each other

and the attraction exists in real life,

it would be, like, instantaneous relationship.

But you can't just make out and send her home.

I know.

And take her virginity.

Well, that's what it comes down to.

I'm going to have to really be very careful.

Because even if there is a lot of chemistry,

she does still live in Michigan.

"Megan, this is the first letter I have sent you, ever.

"It feels a little strange since all of our communications

"have been virtual up until now.

"I made two of these pennies, one for you and one for me.

"You have no idea how excited I am to meet you.

"Yours, Nev."

Message.

Hey, Megan. Nev, 6:00, Sunday.

Yeah, I guess you just got kicked off G-Chat.

I'm leaving tomorrow for Vail.

I don't know what your schedule is like for the next two weeks,

but Rel, Henry, and I are going to be out there till the 9th

for the Vail Dance Festival, so...

I don't know, maybe you and your mom and Abby and Joelle

should come out for a weekend.

You're like, kind of, halfway there.

Fly to Denver. I don't know, it's an idea.

So, you can call me at the office or on my cell.

Would love to talk to you before I leave tonight, bye.

Flight attendants prepare for landing, please.

Careful, watch the heads. Okay, and we both roll...

So, you have to sit between...

All right, I'm rolling on my two cameras. All right, rolling.

Megan's taking requests and she'll record a song right now.

Wild Horses?

Silver Stallion?

Any other horse songs we can think of?