Grace and Frankie

Uh.

Oh.

- Where do you think you're going? - We can't go back.

We had a long run.

And I've seen my death,

it's me walking peacefully into the ocean.

You wanna come?

Well, I've seen your death, too, and my hands are way more on your throat.

Fine. Then we'll be beach people now.

We'll fondue everything, and what we don't fondue, we'll toast.

How could the kids not have told us the house sold?

Unless... Oh, God.

Unless they did tell us and we forgot. Frankie...

did you forget?

What happened to "us" forgetting? I thought we forgot as a team now.

You're right. And this is exactly what they'd want us doing.

Doubting ourselves.

- Frankie, I will never doubt you. - Thank you.

You really think it's a good idea to light a joint with a blowtorch?

That lasted a good second.

Uh, can you get it, please?

Oh, it's the kids.

It's the fourth time they've called.

- Oh, to hell with them. - Totally.

Uh...

Frankie, it's a little thing,

but would you not put my phone in your boobs anymore?

How the hell did that get there?

Can you check your bra for mine?

Wait a minute.

Never mind.

Mine's in here, too.

Whose is this?

Oh.

Robert?

Robert?

Sorry. Didn't know what else to do!

Everything okay?

Fine!

He fainted! He just needs air!

You should faint, too. It works.

How do you think I got through my first marriage?

- He's coming. - Oh, shit.

Let's get him to the couch.

Aren't you even a little cold?

Oh... no.

Looks like they fixed the house.

Nobody inside. It's totally empty.

Or it's not and this is an ambush.

I've seen this Gerard Butler movie too many times.

It's a beach house in La Jolla, Frankie, not an embassy in Baghdad.

You obviously have never seen Fallen Shores.

Nor have you.

That was an idea you scribbled on an Entenmann's box.

Hey, since they haven't moved in yet,

maybe there's a chance we can get our house back.

Exactly.

Like Gerard Butler did in Fallen Shores.

- It's locked. - No worries.

I have a hidden key.

It's hidden from your memory, isn't it?

So it's working on a certain level.

Aha!

Oh, damn it.

Oh, of course. Of course.

I know you're in there. Come on.

Aha!

Someone's inside!

Oh, she's coming toward us.

Oh, my God, Grace, she looks exactly like you!

Only the years have ravaged her.

The side door was open.

- Oh, God. - Oh, God.

- Oh, God. - Talk about a gender reveal party.

I would like to turn away. My body is not moving.

Is he okay? Daddy, are you okay?

Are you okay?

- Hello. - What the hell is happening in here?

It's a Freudian nightmare with a very special guest star.

Please put this on.

- Bud, no. - Thanks.

I'll just...

Ah.

Roy, would you mind putting on your actual clothes?

Sure. Sorry.

Hi, I'm Roy.

- Hi, Roy. - Hi, Roy.

Did you know he's a graduate of Stanford?

Smart... smart penis... Man!

Man with a...

- What's everyone doing here? - This better be serious.

It's Mom and Grace. They... Well, they stole a golf cart.

I said serious, not the plot to Caddyshack.

They haven't been seen in hours.

They don't even have their purses. We're worried.

Sorry. I can't find my pants.

Don't be sorry.

Are there others?

Oh, this is horrible.

I feel like I'm trespassing in my own house.

Oh, if only you could feel that way when I'm in my bathtub.

Ah, we were in the middle of a conversation!

Well, I thought the conversation ended

when I said, "I'm gonna go take a bath now."

Ah!

Someone's coming! Get down.

Oh, shit, fondue pot! Fondue pot!

I neither hide nor seek nor peek nor boo,

because those are child's games and I hate children...

because they're awful.

Now, make yourself be known and don't be a child.

Hey, girl!

Who the fuck are you?

Who the fuck are you?

No, I "who-the-fuck-are-you" - ed first.

Seems we're at an impasse.

It seems you're breaking and entering.

No, we just wanted to see the house again. We used to live here.

Not to bore you with a bunch of legalese,

but double stampsies, no erasies, we want our house back.

No takesies-backsies.

Damn. I see you went to law school.

See, we didn't intend to sell. It was a mistake.

We weren't thinking right.

So now you've sobered up, you're breaking into people's homes.

Well, our kids sold it right from under us after we asked them to.

I can see why, it's a terrible house.

- Pardon? - What?

If you think it's terrible, why did you buy it?

Oh, I didn't.

"Who did", you ask?

My extremely wealthy employer who demands anonymity.

Who is it you said demands anonymity?

I don't know why

I am not hearing the scurrying of orthopedic shoes to Applebee's.

- God, who... - Ow...

Grace, I got this.

You know, I knew the second we met we were gonna be amigos huevos.

Egg friends?

Egg-xactly.

And over eggs we're gonna dish

about my gay ex and my black son.

How much in common do we have?

I don't know, do you hate you?

Take it, Grace.

We are both formidable people who detest children.

So I don't wanna waste your time.

But I need to talk to your boss for maybe five minutes.

Not even five seconds, egg friend.

No tea, no shade, but why you gaggin', bitch?

- What? - What?

Okay.

- Out to the curb, - Whoo!

...like two antique floor lamps that no one knows what to do with

once Gene Kelly's widow dies.

Gene Kelly died?

You know, there's a thing called a phone.

Yeah, we tried calling you,

but you didn't answer, then we were worried about you, too.

But we're here now and can see that everything is cool.

This may feel like an awkward moment...

- Yeah. - Which it is.

But it is also a teachable one.

Although, it is not quite what it looks like,

it is a little bit what it looks like,

except we didn't...

Stop teaching... please.

So you wanna say something?

No.

Jesus.

- What an asshole that guy was. - He's a complete monster.

Why do I want his approval so badly?

I don't know...

- But I want it, too. - Right?

Ah! This sucks coconuts.

I'm gonna do something constructive.

Are you gonna stop with the sign or torch the whole house?

I might as well.

The rich jerk who bought the place doesn't care,

hiring that tall drink of fabulous water,

who I will be friends with,

to do all the work.

- Oh, my God. - What?

I know who bought the house.

- Who? - Who do we know who's extremely wealthy,

who wouldn't want us to know who they were,

and who threatens to buy everything?

Oh, my God, Leslie Uggams!

No, it's Nick!

Who's Nick Uggams?

- No... - Oh, I know Nick Uggams.

I'm talking about my Nick, my former Nick.

He bought the house. It must've been him.

Today, he threatened to buy all of Walden Villas if I didn't leave.

This is incredible! It's amazing!

This is a disaster. It's terrible.

I feel as though we are totally in sync on this.

Yet another person who treats us

like we're enfeebled and incompetent and need to be saved.

Right. But in this case, he's super-saving us.