Tales from the Crypt

"A BOY...

OLIVER TWIST..."

OLIVER TWIST..."

WHAT?

SO WHERE'S THE TWIST?

AND I HAD SUCH GREAT EXPECTATIONS.

AH.

NOW HERE'S A STORY

YOU CAN SINK YOUR TEETH INTO...

A TOOTHSOME TALE OF TOMMYROT

GUARANTEED TO SCARE THE DICKENS OUT OF YOU.

LEAN IN, FRIGHT FANS.

I'M GOING TO LET YOU IN ONTHE SECRET.

I'M GOING TO LET YOU IN ONTHE SECRET.

Woman: DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

NOW, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER

IS THAT THESE BOYS CANNOT--

I REPEAT-- CANNOT BE TRUSTED.

Second woman: THEY SEEM SO SWEET.

I'M NOT HAVING ANY PROBLEMS AT ALL.

HA HA. OF COURSE THEY SEEM SWEET.

THEY SEEM DARLING, DON'T THEY?

SOME OF THEM HAVE TO BE WATCHED EVERY SINGLE MINUTE.

I HAVE BEEN RUNNING THIS ORPHANAGE FOR 20 YEARS.

YOU KNOW HOW MANY BOYS I'VE RAISED?

NO, MA'AM.

AT THIS POINT...

AT THIS POINT...

AND THE WORST THING IS THEY CHEAT.

DON'T YOU EVER SEE THEM CHEAT?

THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER'S PAPERS.

I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT HAPPEN.

WELL, I'M TELLING YOU THAT THEY DO.

AND I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

YES. I UNDERSTAND.

YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT DISCIPLINE.

IT'S OUR DUTY TO PROTECT THESE LITTLE RAGAMUFFINS

FROM BECOMING JUVENILE DELINQUENTS.

YES, MA'AM.

YES, MA'AM.

THERE'S ONE MORE THING.

THERE'S ONE MORE THING.

WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THEODORE.

HE'S WELL PAST THE DESIRABLE AGE FOR PLACEMENT.

MOST ADOPTIVE PARENTS ARE LOOKING

FOR SOME CUTE LITTLE TODDLER.

WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS REAL PARENTS?

YOU MUST NEVER EVER MENTION HIS REAL PARENTS.

DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?

OR HIS BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS.

YES, MA'AM.

YES, MA'AM.

THEODORE! GET OUT OF HERE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU WERE SPYING, WEREN'T YOU?

NO, MISS HAGSTEAD. I WAS HUNGRY.

YOU LITTLE RAT!

STEALING FOOD WHILE THE OTHER CHILDREN SLEEP?

I'M BIGGER THAN THE OTHER KIDS.

AND THAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO SNEAK AROUND

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? DOES IT?

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? DOES IT?

DOES IT?

DOES IT?

TAKE HIM BACK UPSTAIRS.

TAKE HIM BACK UPSTAIRS.

MAKE SURE...

THAT HE DOESN'T LEAVE HIS ROOM AGAIN.

THAT HE DOESN'T LEAVE HIS ROOM AGAIN.

YES, MA'AM.

YES, MA'AM.

YOU AND MISS HAGSTEAD

WERE TELLING SECRETS ABOUT ME, WEREN'T YOU?

WHAT MISS HAGSTEAD AND I DISCUSS AT NIGHT IS VERY PRIVATE.

MISS HEATHER, DO YOU HAVE TO LOCK ME IN MY ROOM?

SHH. I DON'T MAKE THE RULES, THEO.

JUST TRY AND GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.

THERE'LL BE OATMEAL AND WARM BISCUITS FOR BREAKFAST.

AND WHAT'S FOR LUNCH?

WELL, WE'LL HAVE VEGETABLE SOUP AND CRACKERS

AND LEMONADE AND...

AND LEMONADE AND...

MISS HAGSTEAD!

MISS HAGSTEAD, THEODORE'S GONE.

I WENT TO HIS ROOM TO GET HIM OUT,

AND HIS WINDOW WAS OPEN, AND HE WAS GONE.

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT. HE'LL BE BACK.

HE HAS THESE LITTLE TEMPER TANTRUMS EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE

AND RUNS OFF FOR A FEW HOURS.

HE'S INCORRIGIBLE. WE'VE GOT TO TRY TO GET RID OF HIM.

WELL. GOOD MORNING, THEODORE.

CLIMBING OUT THE WINDOW

AND SLIDING DOWN THE DRAIN PIPE IN A STORM

IS DIRTY WORK, ISN'T IT?

I WANT YOU TO GET OUT OF THOSE CLOTHES

AND HELP JOEY IN THE KITCHEN. NOW!

YES, MA'AM.

YES, MA'AM.

HE'S GETTING WORSE.

HE'S GETTING WORSE.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN BOOGERS AND BROCCOLI?

I DON'T KNOW.

KIDS DON'T EAT BROCCOLI.

THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

BUT DON'T TELL THAT TO MISS HAGSTEAD.

THEO, I HAVE SOME EXCITING NEWS.

JOEY, WHY DON'T YOU RUN OFF AND PLAY?

PLAY, PLAY, PLAY.

I NEVER GET TO STICK AROUND FOR THE GOOD STUFF.

THEO, THERE'S SOME SPECIAL PEOPLE COMING HERE TONIGHT.

THEY'RE VERY INTERESTED IN MEETING YOU.

IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION.

YOU DO UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS COULD MEAN, DON'T YOU?

CHEER UP, BUCKAROO. IT'S OK.

Miss Hagstead: MISS HEATHER.

YES, MA'AM. COMING.

YES, MA'AM. COMING.

Woman: YOU ARE PERFECT.

Woman: YOU ARE PERFECT.

ISN'T HE PERFECT?

MMM.

HE'S PERFECT.

WE'LL TAKE HIM.

ALL THE REST OF YOU ARE EXCUSED.

ALL THE REST OF YOU ARE EXCUSED.

EXCELLENT CHOICE.

WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO GO?

THEODORE.

OH, I UNDERSTAND.

THIS IS YOUR HOME, THEODORE.

BUT WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO COME AND LIVE WITH US

IN THE LAP OF LUXURY?

IMAGINE...

HAVING YOUR OWN BATHROOM

WITH TOWELS THAT HAVE YOUR INITIALS ON THEM.

BUT COULD I TAKE JOEY?

DOO-DOO-DOO. THEODORE.

MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST DISCUSS IT OVER A CUP OF TEA.

THEODORE, YOU WANNA COME HELP ME IN THE KITCHEN?

EXCUSE US.

EXCUSE US.

NOW LISTEN TO ME, YOU PESKY LITTLE SPUTNIK!

IF THESE PEOPLE WANT YOU, YOU'RE GOING.

WHERE ARE MY REAL PARENTS, MISS HAGSTEAD?

WHERE ARE MY REAL PARENTS, MISS HAGSTEAD?

YOUR REAL PARENTS?

OH, THEODORE.

THEODORE, THEY WERE KILLED

WHEN YOU WERE JUST A LITTLE BABY.

HOW DID THEY DIE?

HOW DID THEY DIE?

WHAT?

I...

THE DETAILS AREN'T IMPORTANT.

THE DETAILS AREN'T IMPORTANT.

OH, THEODORE.

THE COLBERTS, THEY'RE A LITTLE ECCENTRIC,

BUT THEY'RE GOING TO PROVIDE YOU

WITH A LOVELY HOME,

GOOD, SWEET THINGS TO EAT.

YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU?

YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU?

Mrs. Colbert: HOME AT LAST.

OH, IT WON'T BE LONG

BEFORE YOU'LL FORGET

ALL ABOUT THAT NASTY OLD ORPHANAGE, THEODORE.

WON'T IT BE WONDERFUL HAVING HIM?

Mr. Colbert: MMM.

WONDERFUL...

HAVING HIM.

HAVING HIM.

WOW.

IT'S LIKE A MUSEUM.

IT'S LIKE A MUSEUM.

LILITU, HUSH.

YOU MUST NEVER TOUCH ANYTHING, THEODORE.

YOU MUST NEVER TOUCH ANYTHING, THEODORE.

SOME OF THESE OBJECTS ARE EXTREMELY OLD,

AND OTHERS HAVE...

SENTIMENTAL VALUE.

WOW.

WOW.

THANKS A LOT--

THANKS A LOT--

YOU'VE BEEN SO PATIENT.

WE'VE WAITED SO LONG.

MMM.

MRS. COLBERT.

MRS. COLBERT.

WHY DID YOU LOCK THE DOOR?

WHY DID YOU LOCK THE DOOR?

MR. COLBERT?

MR. COLBERT?

MR. COLBERT?

MR. COLBERT?