The True Don Quixote

The tale of the great knight...

always begins in a troubled land.

A place where the people have lost their way.

Here, they chose distractions...

over actions.

They fought with their love,

rather than for them.

They ran from,

instead of toward, their enemies.

They became lost and alone.

And the only thing they ever killed...

was time.

It was a land in need of a hero.

Danny Kehoe was a hero,

though he didn't yet know it much.

Even as a child, he had been unique.

But for this, he had been tormented.

And eventually, he retreated from the world.

Hidden away in his ivory tower.

He was alone and safe.

And he was happy.

Excellent.

But hiding, for a hero...

is always temporary.

Aah.

Wait!

I need the books.

I'm the only one who cares for them.

You got to give them to me.

I can't do it, brah.

I got to take them back to this disposal place.

Right here, see?

Danny returned to his ancestral home.

It was, however, already occupied

by his niece.

A kind and ordinary maiden.

She busied herself with ordinary things.

And she was sure that her uncle would do the same.

But Danny had taken possession

of the books.

"Lord of the World!"

And the books soon took possession of Danny.

Liberated from the bonds of work,

he devoted himself...

solely to the texts.

And began to see that these were not just tales,

these were histories.

True accounts of real heroes,

kings, knights, maidens, and monsters.

"Amadee!"

- Uncle Danny? - "Lord of the World,

know that the glory...

- Uncle Danny! - "...he has..."

Up you go.

I'm gonna close these shutters, so you can sleep in.

You need rest.

And once you've seen life

as what it can be,

it's no longer possible to see it as it is.

Suddenly,

the world itself was filled

with symbols, meanings, and signs.

Change?

Change.

Change. Yes.

There ain't enough room for Kevin!

You never said a damn word

about it before!

It's a dumb-ass idea!

And as always, the hero's path was guided

by the gentle hand of fate.

What am I gonna do with you?

You could have been killed.

With your stupid books.

The poor niece was simply afraid.

She could not understand the power of the ancient books.

Danny Kehoe!

You've suspected all your life,

that this was not the world where you belonged.

Yes, you know what this means.

No.

Who in all the world would steal

the sacred texts of knight-errantry?

Who rides a beast that leaves behind

such a trail of sulfurous breath?

Yes. Yes, Freston.

The enchanter, Freston the Wise

and his accursed dragon.

And who, pray tell,

is the lone enemy, throughout time,

of that foul sorcerer?

Freston.

Freston attacks, only true knights-errant.

Only the greatest among them.

The enchantment is lifted.

Now, at long last,

you can cast aside this sad illusion

and see your true self.

Your true destiny.

Yes!

Reject this tedious prison.

Embrace the code of knight-errantry,

and find the true glory

into which you were born.

Yes!

"For a true knight prays,"

with every breath, a glorious life,

"a glorious death!"

You will wander the earth,

seeking adventures.

You will slay a hideous giant,

liberate the oppressed,

retrieve a sacred relic,

heal broken hearts,

and teach the code of chivalry

to the weak and the orphaned.

And in your success,

the people will sing and dance in your glory.

And so, flags unfurled,

the great knight set out to claim his glory

and win the love of the people.

But as the histories had taught him...

glory and fame

require a glorious name.

To your knees, knave! I am Sir Daniel!

I am Lord Kehoe the magnanimous.

No. Dan the illustrious?

Dan the industrious. No.

Sir Sansabelle.

El Pescator.

Monsieur de la Hoosey!

Don... Oh!

Don. Don. Don. Something.

Don Daniel de la Kehoe.

Don Danny! No.

Don... Quixotellano!

"Thanks and praise to thee,"

oh, great and noble knight,

Don Quixotellaneo.

Don...

Let the world

forever mark...

Let the world forever mark this day.

The day that great and noble knight

set forth to claim his glory,

and restore the promise of chivalry and greatness

to these corrupt and empty times.

Let his name moisten the lips of the people

through eternity.

For I,

Don Quixote

of La Mancha!

My good wench,

it appears that due to an enchanter spell,

I believe myself to be your uncle,

my apologies.

Now that my true identity has been restored,

I take my leave of you

to seek my glory and embrace my fate.

Oh, my god.

It was soon proved

that all needs and desires of a knight-errant

are immediately fulfilled.

Easy. Easy.

Take my scent into your nostrils.

I am the master of your bridle.

My brave and noble mount.

The finest in all the world.

Rejoice, noble nag!

In honor of your beauty and your breeding,

as well as the sweet fragrance

of your essential oils,

and your thorny defenses,

I dub thee,

Rosacea.

Daddy?

Somebody's on the scooter.

Dad!

Don Quixote

was a great vision of hope for the peasantry.

What the hell, boy?

Wiping grease up in the house.

I don't wanna get all up...

God damn it, Kenny!

It's your job!

And he was a great threat

to the monsters lurking among them.

I thank thee, oh Lord,

for this glorious opportunity

to embrace danger and court death.

Fly, Rosacea!

To your knees, vile creature!

What? Are you as deaf as you are hideous?

Answer my challenge,

lest my glory be written in your blood.

Die, foul beast!

Your wicked reign over these lands

shall end at the end of this, my arm!

Yes! Recoil your hideous head.

I commend my body and soul