Doctor Who

BIRDS SQUAWK AND TWEET

It's a beautiful day.

Hallucinogenic lipstick.

She's here.

Wrong! Wrong!

Bit right, mostly wrong.

I love museums.

Yeah, great(!) Can we go to a planet now?

Big space ship, Churchill's bunker...?

You promised me a planet.

Amy, this isn't any old asteroid.

It's the Delerium Archive, final resting place of the headless monks, the biggest museum ever.

You've got a time machine, why do you need museums?

Wrong! Very wrong!

Oooh, one of mine. Also one of mine.

Oh, I see. It's how you keep score.

Oh great, an old box.

It's from one of the old starliners. A Home Box.

What's a Home Box?

Like a black box on a plane, except it homes.

Anything happens to the ship, the Home Box flies home, with all the flight data. So?

The writing, the graffiti - Old High Gallifreyan.

The lost language of the Time Lords.

There were days, there were many days, these words could

burn stars and raise up empires, and topple Gods. What does it say?

Hello, sweetie.

ALARM BELL RINGS

Party's over, Doctor Song.

Why are we doing this? Cos someone on a space ship 12,000 years ago

is trying to attract my attention.

Let's see if we can get the security playback working.

The party's over, Doctor Song, yet still you're on board.

Sorry, Alistair. I needed to see what was in your vault.

Do you all know what's down there? Any of you?

Because I'll tell you something. This ship won't reach its destination.

Wait till she runs. Don't make it look like an execution.

Triple-seven, five, slash, three, four, nine by ten.

Zero, twelve, slash, acorn. Oh, and I could do with an air corridor..

What was that, what did she say?

Co-ordinates!

Like I said on the dance floor,

you might want to find something to hang on to!

Doctor?

River?

Follow that ship.

They've gone into warp drive, we're losing them! Stay close! I'm trying!

Use the stabilisers.

There aren't any stabilisers!

The blue switches!

The blue ones don't do anything, they're just...blue.

Yes, they're blue.

They're the blue stabilisers!

See?

Yeah, well, it's just boring now, isn't it? They're boring-ers.

They're blue boring-ers.

Doctor, how come she can fly the TARDIS?

You call that flying the TARDIS? Ha!

OK. I've mapped the probability vectors, done a fold-back

on the temporal isometry, charted the ship to its destination,

and parked us right along side.

Parked us? We haven't landed.

Of course we've landed. I just landed her.

But it didn't make the noise.

What noise? You know, the...

HE IMPERSONATES TARDIS

It's not supposed to make that noise. You leave the brakes on.

Yeah, well, it's a brilliant noise.

I love that noise.

Come along, Pond, let's have a look.

No, wait! Environment checks. Oh, yes, sorry! Quite right.

Environment checks.

Nice out.

We're somewhere in the Garn Belt. There's an atmosphere. Early indications suggest...

We're on Alfava Metraxis, the seventh planet of the Dundra System.

Oxygen-rich atmosphere, toxins in the soft band, 11-hour day, and...

..chances of rain later.

He thinks he's so hot when he does that.

How come you can fly the TARDIS?

Oh, I had lessons from the very best. Well, yeah.

It's a shame you were busy that day.

Right then, why did they land here?

They didn't land.

Sorry?

You should've checked the Home Box - it crashed.

Explain! Who is that and how did she do that museum thing?

It's a long story and I don't know most of it. Off we go!

What are you doing? Leaving. She's got where she wants to go,

let's go where we want to go. Are you basically running away?

Yep. Why? Cos she's my future. Can you run away from that?

I can run away from anything I like. Time is not the boss of me.

Hang on, is that a planet out there? Yes, of course it's a planet.

You promised me a planet. Five minutes?

OK, five minutes! Yes!

But that's all, cos I'm telling you now, that woman is not dragging me into anything!

What caused it to crash? Not me.

Nah, the airlock would've sealed seconds after you blew it.

According to the Home Box, the warp engines had a phase-shift.

No survivors. A phase-shift would have to be sabotage. I did warn them.

About what? Well, at least the building was empty. Aplan temple.

Unoccupied for centuries.

Aren't you going to introduce us?

Amy Pond, Professor River Song.

Ahhh, I'm going to be a Professor some day, am I?

How exciting!

Spoilers!

Yeah, but who is she and how did she do that?

She just left you a note in a museum!

Two things always guaranteed to show up in a museum.

The Home Box of category four starliner and, sooner or later, him.

It's how he keeps score. I know.

It's hilarious, isn't it?

I'm nobody's taxi service!

I'm not gonna be there to catch you

every time you feel like jumping out of a space ship.

And you are so wrong.

There's one survivor.

There's a thing in the belly of that ship that can't ever die.

Now he's listening! You lot in orbit yet?

Yeah, I saw it land. I'm at the crash site.

Try and home in on my signal.

Doctor, can you sonic me?

I need to boost the signal so we can use it as a beacon.

Ooh, Doctor! You soniced her(!)

We have a minute. Shall we?

Where were we up to?

Have we done the Bone Meadows? What's the book? Stay away from it.

What is it though? Her diary.

Our diary. Her past, my...future.

Time travel. We keep meeting in the wrong order.

You promised me an army, Doctor Song.

No. I promised you the equivalent of an army. This is the Doctor.

Father Octavian, Sir. Bishop, second class. 20 clerics at my command.

The troops are already in the drop ship and landing shortly.

Doctor Song was helping us with a covert investigation.

Has Doctor Song explained what we're dealing with?

Doctor, what do you know of the Weeping Angels?

The Angel, as far as we know, is still trapped in the ship.

Our mission is to get inside and neutralise it.

We can't get through up top, we'd be too close to the drives.

According to this, behind the cliff face, there's a network of catacombs leading right up to the temple.

We can blow through the base of the cliffs, get into the entrance chamber, then make our way up.

Oh, good. Good, sir?

Catacombs, probably dark ones. Dark catacombs, great(!)

Technically, I think it's called a maze of the dead.

You can stop any time you like.

Father Octavian? Excuse me, sir.

You're letting people call you "sir". You never do that.

So, whatever a Weeping Angel is, it's really bad, yeah?

Now that's interesting...

You're still here. Which part of "Wait in the TARDIS till I tell you it's safe"

was so confusing? Ooh, are you all Mr Grumpy Face today?

A Weeping Angel, Amy, is the deadliest,

most powerful, most malevolent life form evolution has ever produced,

and one is trapped inside that wreckage

and I'm supposed to climb in with a screwdriver and a torch,

and assuming I survive the radiation,

and the whole ship doesn't blow up in my face,

do something clever which I haven't thought of yet.

That's my day, that's what I'm up to. Any questions?

Is River Song your wife?

Cos she's someone from your future, and the way she talks to you,

I've never seen anyone do that.

She's kinda like, you know, "Heel, boy!"

She's Mrs Doctor from the future, isn't she?

Is she gonna be your wife one day? Yes.

You're right. I am definitely Mr Grumpy Face today.

Doctor? Doctor!

Oops! Her indoors!

Father Octavian!

Why do they call them Father?

He's their Bishop, they're his clerics.

It's the 51st Century, the Church has moved on.

What do you think? It's from the security cameras in the Byzantium vault.

I ripped it when I was on board. Sorry about the quality.

It's four seconds. I've put it on loop. Yeah. It's an Angel. Hands covering its face.

You've encountered the Angels before?

Once, on Earth, a long time ago.

But those were scavengers, barely surviving.

It's just a statue.

It's a statue when you see it. Where did it come from?

Oh, pulled from the ruins of Razbahan, end of last century.

It's been in private hands ever since, dormant all that time.

There's a difference between dormant and patient.

What's that mean, it's a statue when you see it?

The Weeping Angels can only move if they're unseen. So legend has it.

No, it's not legend. It's a quantum lock.

In the sight of any living creature, the Angels literally cease to exist.

They're just stone. The ultimate defence mechanism.

What, being a stone?

Being a stone... until you turn your back.

The hyperdrive would've split on impact.

The whole ship will be flooded with radiation, cracked electrons,

gravity storms, deadly to almost any living thing. Deadly to an Angel?

Dinner to an Angel. The longer we leave it, the stronger it will grow. Who built that temple?

The Aplans. The indigenous life-form. They died out 400 years ago.

200 years later, the planet was terraformed. Currently there are six billion human colonists.

You lot, you're everywhere! Like rabbits! I'll never get done saving you.

Sir, if there is a clear and present danger to the local population... Oh, there is. Bad as it gets.

Bishop, lock and load!

Verger, how we doing with those explosives? Dr Song, with me.