Cougar Town

Hey, who wants to do something fun?

- I do! - Me!

Great. We're gonna go to my dad's house

and help him find his glasses.

I thought if I said it in a happy tone, you'd be excited.

Did not work.

Ellie, are you okay? You seem wiped out.

I was book mom at Stan's class yesterday,

so I had to get up at 8:00 AM.

What am I, a coal miner?

And it's flu season.

Most of those little brats were snotty, whiny messes.

You... didn't catch anything, did you?

- What's the big deal? - Ellie is crazy when she's sick.

Remember the great stomach virus of '09,

when she burned down the shed?

Or the time she got strep throat

and served me with divorce papers?

I called it off.

I had to pay 2 grand in legal fees!

I feel okay.

She's warm.

Just more for us.

_

Found 'em. It was under a TV Guide from 1985.

Michael Landon can take a highway to my house. Mmm!

Okay. Thanks.

Come on, dad. Have you been sitting here all day?

Come on, let's go do something.

I'm watching a home repair show.

They're gonna paint that fence.

Why don't we go to that new tapas restaurant?

It's supposed to be great.

I don't care for health food.

Oh! I know. Teach me the Jitterbug.

Remember you wanted me to learn as a kid?

Come on.

Isn't this fun?

You're blocking the TV.

Ever since his Alzheimer's diagnosis,

he's just been sitting around, doing nothing.

I wish there was something I could do to get him excited.

Sign him up at the senior center.

Old people are really promiscuous these days.

He'd have a blast.

Gross. Grandpa doesn't wanna slut it up

with a bunch of old biddies.

Okay, he probably does. But still... gross.

What about an art class?

Or an acting class. I could audit one with him.

Oh, do you still want to be an actor?

Too bad you're terrible at acting.

E-train, should you be drinking wine if you're sick?

I put, um, flu medicine in here.

My job as Mayor of Gulfhaven is in serious jeopardy!

I was caught falling asleep at a town hall meeting.

"Snorres"! That's hysterical!

Why didn't we think of that?

All this time, I've been calling him "Borres."

Oh, hey, I really don't appreciate

you guys making fun of my best friend.

- (Mouths word) - Oh!

Because your name is Torres and it rhymes!

- Snorres! - (Snores)

Oh!

Hey, babe, will you pass me a napkin?

Sure thing, babe.

What's with the "Babe" sandwich?

Travis and I are trying to figure out

our relationship pet names.

Isn't that right, babe?

- You know it, babe. - Mmm.

Don't use "Babe," okay? That's horrible.

Also, that's Jules' and mine.

G-man, I picked up a local theater magazine.

The girl on the cover had big boobies.

And listen to this-- an audition for a commercial.

"Men over 40, rugged good looks, and in great shape."

That's you!

I don't know, Bobby.

I think it might be time for me to give up on my acting dream.

Never give up on a dream, man.

Just look at Harry Potter. He never gave up.

You read those books?

Books? I'm talking about my old neighbor Harry.

Right? He used to live in a buick parked next to the boat.

And then he invented the "Potter Squatter."

What's the Potter Squatter?

It's a mobile pooper.

Now Harry lives in a mansion,

while his sister Patty went to jail.

Why? 'Cause she gave up on her dreams.

She also liked to steal wallets and purses.

Patty Potter picked pockets?

And purses.

Just go on an audition, man.

If you believe you can get it, you can.

Yeah. Why not? Thanks, Bobby.

- You wanna split some potato skins, poodle? - Mnh-mnh.

- Muffin? - No.

- Pug butt? - What?

I wish I knew a way to get my dad excited.

Maybe I should get him a pet.

That's a great idea, Jules.

I just need to find something to keep the public distracted

from my political scandal.

Wait. Did you just switch the conversation

from my thing to your thing?

I thought I could do it in a way no one would notice.

Epic fail!

I have three puppies.

You'd give Chick one of your puppies?

Huh? Oh, sorry... I was on Andy's thing.

I was gonna suggest a puppy race.

Puppy race? You're the dumbest person ever.

Wait! That's the answer! A race!

Oh, I can organize a Gulfhaven 5K.

People go crazy for that kind of stuff.

Would you quit stepping on my thing for your thing?

Wait. A race! (Gasps)

I think your thing just answered my thing!

Chick was a track coach.

If we all say that we're gonna run a 5K

and ask him for his help, he'd be thrilled.

- "Us"? - Well, if I'm running, you're running.

Are you new to this group?

Not you, Ellie. You get on that couch, put your feet up.

No exercise for you.

- I should, shouldn't I? - Ooh!

Okay, let me make you another cough-tail.

Bobby Cobb, you son of a bitch!

Huh? Wh--

You had sex with my sister, didn't you?!

You got her pregnant,

and now you're denying you're the father?!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm sorry, man!

I'll-- I'll-- I'll do the right thing, man. I'll marry her.

Relax, Bobby.

I was just acting.

Oh, man! You had me goin'.

Well, wait a minute. Does this mean...

- I got it! (Laughing) - Yeah! Neat, dude!

What's the commercial for?

It's for this sports deodorant.

I play this athletic stud

who spikes volleyballs and works out.

And then I get seen by this totally hot beach bunny,

and it is on!

I want that product.

Thanks for believing in me, Bobby.

But if you ever touch my sister...

I won't! I promise!

Aw!

Ee! Ohh. (Breathes deeply)

Oh, I thought you were dead.

Dead? I've never felt more alive.

Is a popsicle good for the flu?

It is when it's frozen red wine and cough syrup.

Ellie, you're as cold as a corpse.

Let me get you a blanket.

Sorry. I'll just... go now.

This is gonna be awful.

The last time I ran

was when I punched that flamingo at Busch Gardens.

In my defense,

it did steal the hot dog right out of my hand,

and you can't do that to a former foster kid.

Right, Tater Tot?

Ah! Let's not go blurtin' out pet names

before they're official.

We don't want anything to stick.

Too late, Tater Tot.

Ha, ha!

It's just a 5K. How tough could the training be?

- Ow! - I'll tell you how tough it can be

after you give me 50 crunches.

Down!

Thank you for letting me

- be part of the team, Junebug. - (Chuckles)

What are you all gawking at?

500 jumping jacks! Go!

I'm winding up Bessie...

- No! - Okay.

Jules, your dad coached track?

Yeah. Track, soccer, football...

back before they had helmets.

Aw, man. This is gonna suck.

Ow! Mother! Mm!

Come on! Get with it!

There's dirt in my eye! I'm a brain surgeon!

All I can hear is "Wah! Wah! Wah!"

I forgot how tough Chick could be.

How could you unleash this on us?

Well, what was I supposed to do, Tater Tot?

Just sit back and watch him give up on life?

Come on, we can do this.

I'll just tell him to back off a little bit.

Hey, dad, we don't need to work too hard.

It's just a 5K.

I have two coaching speeds-- zero and turbo.