Narco Soldiers

For over 500 years, our island has been a battleground

fought over and ruled by outsiders.

From the Italian Columbus, who came to our shores

and began the New World by killing

and enslaving us to the Spanish Conquistadores,

English pirates, French emperors,

American soldiers and all the way until today

when our new foreign masters are the cartels.

Did you know we've never had our own cartel?

If only someone had the vision...

...and the will.

- Do you have any idea who you're stealing from? - DEA, asshole.

Oh, shit.

Keep your mouth shut, Luis.

The Sarge is gonna get us out of this.

The Sarge is back in Puerto Rico, Danny. What is he gonna do?

What was that, lovebirds?

Talking about all that ass play you'll be getting in prison?

Don't let them fool you, Luis. You're in the U.S. now.

You know what that means?

It means that the cops have lots and lots of rules.

Isn't that right, agent?

You know, for a fat chick, you sure have small tits.

You know, why don't you exercise your right to shut your bitch mouth

before Agent Morales shoves his size 12 up your ass.

Oh, he's Agent Morales?

You know, I heard that the smartest thing

to ever come out of Morales' mouth is his partner's cock.

Look like I hit home.

Scare tactics.

Don't worry. It's okay.

- Something I said, agent? - Something you are, shitbag,

and that's a shitbag shitbag.

Do you blow your father with that mouth?

All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. All right.

All right.

Shit, Morales, he's not breathing.

In front of a goddamn witness.

No, no, wait, wait, wait, man. Wait. Wait. Wait! Wait!

Special Agent Prentiss of the FBI.

Special Agent Prentiss of the FBI!

- What about him? - I'm working for him. I'm his C.I.

- You're the FBI's inside man? - Yeah.

That bust last week, I gave them that.

Today was just a test run.

Look, in two days, I'll be escorting over two tons of coke from Puerto Rico.

I've got all the details, everything you want.

DEA badges says U.S., not DEA, guys. Come on.

- All right. - Danny...

- Sorry, Danny. - Danny?

Seems like there would be less painful ways to flush out a rat.

I was short on time. Besides, you hit like a little girl.

Danny, wait, wait. The FBI, man, they threatened my mom.

- Really? Your mom? - You got to believe me, Danny.

I do believe you. Those guys are assholes.

So you're gonna call the Sarge, right?

I'm gonna call the Sarge. Yes, sir.

First thing in the morning. Don't worry.

Danny. Danny, wait. Danny. Danny, wait!

Danny, wait! Danny! Danny, wait! Danny!

- Really? How was it? - I'm gonna fall in the water!

Danny, I'll get you impunity.

You know, we are going over to the Gables tonight to pick up some chicks.

I would love to, but I've been called back.

What? Back to Puerto Rico?

No, I'm done with Puerto Rico.

I'm going back to Dominican Republic.

Going back home.

- Yeah. - No, come on.

- . - Hey, can I buy you a drink?

Can't you see we're having a conversation here?

Wasn't talking to you. How about that beer?

How about I smash your face in?

Whoa. You don't talk like that to a lady.

- I'm talking to you, asshole. - You're talking to my asshole?

Why don't you kiss it while you're down there?

Manin, what the hell you been eating, man? I barely even recognized you.

- Look at you. - Mami, this is... coño.

Ooh, she's gone.

- - Mierda.

You haven't changed one bit.

- How about that beer? - You wish, man.

The Don has already put you to work. You're on duty, son.

Oh, no, she's classy, son. She's from the yacht club.

You don't even know. You don't even know.

Bullshit. I'm not falling for that.

Hand on my heart, man. She's high society all the way.

You're not dating a girl from the yacht club. Allante.

Well, maybe I'm more sophisticated than you think.

Why don't you tell the guy, the kid, Danny?

Yeah, Teo's hitting the girl from the yacht club and I'm dating a princess.

You can both kiss my ass, thank you very much.

Hey, Danny, where did the Don ship you in from?

Puerto Rico.

I've been sending shipments from there to the U.S. for the past few years.

Isn't Puerto Rico where that crazy ex-marine runs things?

Sarge. Sarge is in charge, right?

He doesn't treat his crew like the military, does he? No booze, no women?

- Only on leaves. - No shit.

How long has it been since you've had some action?

Oh...

Your 100 years of solicitude are about to be over, my friend.

- That's solitude. - Yeah, potato, tomato, whatever.

You know, we're gonna drop this shipment off,

and then we're gonna go see these couple of girls that I know in San Diego, man.

You don't even know the breasteses on these girls.

Hell yeah! Whoo!

- The kid can watch the truck. - Why me? Wait. Why me?

What happened to your sophisticated lady?

There's only one thing wrong with her...

she ain't here.

That's why I keep spares.

Put the gun down.

It's okay.

It's okay.

[upbeat music playing over phone]

Yeah...

Oh...

Kill him.

I love this song!

Bring my Versace.

Do you know who I am?

I do.

Pavo Real.

Pavo Real. So...

How is Don Toribio, hmm?

Still old as shit?

Running his business like it's the '90s, I see.

Does he still drive around in that piece of shit?

What was that? That was...

A Chevy Impala.

Does he? Huh?

Oh, yeah. I bet he does.

You had to see this guy, man.

One of the biggest bosses in the D.R., well, at least used to be.

He's driving around a busted-ass Chevy Impala?

No, no.

I want to show you guys something.

See?

Oh, my God.

These were a gift from my new Mexicano associates

and they were brought to me just today by my hungry friend back there.

This one...

I call this one El Polvo,

'cause it's white... the powder.

This one I like to call El Oro...

because it's, uh, gold,

like fuckin' gold.

You see?

They're always together, never apart.

'Cause when I have powder in one hand,

I have gold in the other.

And when I have gold in one hand,

I got powder in the other.

And when I have them both in my hands,

I can do whatever the fuck I want!

- -

Oh! Oh! Oh! No, no.

I still need to get some bullets.

- -

Look, guys. There are too many eyes in the Pacific routes

in and out of Mexico these days so

the Veracruz cartel is making the D.R.

their new favorite shipping stop.

This is good for me.

And it's bad for your boss and his Colombian clients!

So tell Toribio

that he can find somewhere else for his shipments, yeah?

Because we're taking the beach.

Come on. Come on, man. The beach is ours.

Oh, my God.

He speaks.

Ah, you fuckers don't get it.

Nothing in this piece of shit island is yours anymore, puto, nothing.

Shit, you guys are lucky we even let you stay, right?

You understand me, pretty boys? Feel me?

All right. You guys are pretty, man.

These guys are... I mean...

Just look at their pretty ass hair man

and some pretty little face Why don't you just...

you guys are making me horny, you're so...