American Dad!

Aah!

Read 'em and weep, ladies.

Just a second there, Dick.

I don't think you've met

DJ, Michelle, Stephanie, Comet and Uncle Jesse!

Full house!

Race riots!

Take it easy, Smith.

Dick's just blowing off steam.

Man, I'm always losing at poker!

I need a beer.

That's his avatar, Black Dick.

I realize that name is a rich joke area,

but curb yourself people; this isn't junior high.

Although Black Dick is huge and veiny.

What up, girl?

Stan, where are you?

It's Steve's birthday!

- Uh... - Get home before you miss it,

like you have all his other birthdays.

Uhp, Black Dick, you're spewing foam.

Got held up looking all over town for that

pink novelty-sized rabbit my boy's been hassling me for.

No, you forgot to get Steve a present and grabbed

the first thing you saw out of the CIA evidence room.

Stan, we just finally got Steve off the heroin

from the last birthd present you gave him.

I got so high.

Okay, it's ready!

What, uh, what-what exactly is going on?

Every year on Steve's birthday,

we watch home movies.

Rolling!

Oh, my God, I'm not in a single one of these.

Oh, wait, I'm probably the one filming everything.

Who the hell is that?

That's Fernando,

the family cinematographer.

Do you like my new Arizona jeans?

I... I haven't been there for anything in Steve's life.

Yes, Stan, you neglected your son.

Everyone neglects things.

I've neglected these puppies.

They're shy around new people.

Good morning, kiddo.

Sorry again about missing your birthday.

What do you say I take you to a ballgame?

Sorry, man, got other plans.

What's the problem?

I'm trying to bond with him.

Well, you're too late.

Steve's at the age where he doesn't care about

going to a ballgame with his dad.

All he's interested in is girls.

He doesn't want ballgames, he just wants to ball dames.

Huh? Huh?

Ah! Ah!

Aw.

A little help, dude.

My guns are juicing.

Don't think I can finish this set.

Carlos, I need a spot!

Oh, Roger, it's magnificent.

Where did you get it?

Oh, I got a great deal.

This limo company went out of bus...

Ah, you know damn well I stole it.

Let's go for a ride.

No, no, no, I'm gonna start a business.

It's always been a dream of mine to drive people

slightly more privileged than myself to various locations.

And it is my dream to accompany people

with slightly more specific dreams than mine.

Happy birthday, friendo.

Two tickets to the Ice Capades on Land?

They twirl around with shoes on!

Oh, that sounds like fun, Steve.

I'm free whatever night that is.

Oh, great.

You can have these, 'cause I don't want to go.

Hey.

Class, this is Phyllis.

She just moved here from Hoboken.

I'd like you all to give her a warm welcome.

Now, I'm not referring to the sexual position,

the warm welcome, of which I am the inventor.

The basic nature of the move is...

Oh, never mind.

Y'all ain't long enough.

You want to go out?

W-What?

Yeah. I like your face.

We should go out tomorrow, get to know each other.

Tomorrow? Sure!

I mean,

just let me check my schedule.

You know what? I can move some stuff around.

Perfect.

Wow, I-I don't believe it.

This is too good to be real.

Of course this is real.

And this is really happening.

Because this is real.

Really, really real.

Smith, what did I say about fooling around with the avatars?

I wasn't fooling around, sir.

This is serious.

My son wants nothing to do with me,

and the only way to get close to him is to be

an incredibly stacked teenage girl.

I totally understand.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have some important business to attend to.

Another feeding?

My, you have quite the appetite.

Okay, the bars are emptying out.

Time to get our first client ever.

Yeah!

Ah, yeah! Yeah, yeah!

Looks like you fine gentlemen are making memories tonight.

20 bucks, anywhere you want to go.

you!

Aha, the jester.

Every group has one.

Come on, get in, you rascals.

Oh, my God!

That was such a hot burp!

Suck it up, Klaus.

This is a service industry.

Just be professional.

You guys are so crazy.

Oh, man, is that your bottom?

Oh, you put it right next to my face.

That's so funny... Oh, you farted, too.

You guys are so much fun.

Okay, guys, here we are.

And here's a memento for you at no extra charge.

So, will you be paying your $20 in cash or... Hey!

Can't catch me!

Thanks for the ride, sucker!

I can't believe it.

I treated them with nothing but respect and civility,

and they want to stiff me?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

You don't mess with a man's dream.

Whoa!

Dude, you killed him!

One down, four to go.

You're really gonna kill five people over $20?

Are you really asking that to the guy

who just last week killed six people over $19?

Oh, yeah.

This is a lot of fun, right?

I'm so glad we got to hang today.

Me, too.

Souvenir.

Aw, thanks!

Oh, uh, hey, you hungry?

Oh, there was a paper doily under that,

but I'm sure you'll figure that out later.

I had such an awesome time, Steve.

I can't believe how close we're getting.

I know one way we cod get closer.

Good night, kiddo.

It's been a blast.

Yeah, it was great.

Good night.

Hello?

Finally you answer!

I've been calling and calling.

I told you, Steve had a big date tonight

and you should've been here to see him off!

Oh, we were there.

Hello?

Bitch, did you just hang up on...

You coming, Steve?

Barry swallowed a whole roll of quarters.

We're gonna wait for them to pass and then hit up the arcade.

I don't trust the banks!

You guys go without me.

I got some girl stuff I got to figure out.

Oh, women.

Let me tell you what I know about women, Steve.

If you buy a woman's shoe, in your size, it will not fit you.

So, Steve, uh, how are things going with Phyllis?

You know, she's beautiful,

but I think she just wants to be my buddy.

Maybe she's not the one for me.

Well, maybe the one for you has been

right in front of your face this entire time.

Yeah? Who?

There's a lot about me you don't ow.

I can't believe Tad's dead.

I can't believe I already banged his girlfriend.

I can't believe I watched.

Oh, you did a little more than watch.

- Yeah, man. - Yeah.