Family Guy

I say, mother, this hot dog

has been on my plate for a full minute

and it hasn't yet cut itself.

Honey, I'll be right there.

By all means, take your time.

Oh, and when you do finally get around to it,

I'll be the one covered in flies.

With a belly that protrudes halfway to bloody Boston!

Mom, there is no way

I'm sleeping in Chris' room this weekend!

It smells like old milk in there!

Hey, if I could find it, I'd clean it up!

Kids, keep it down.

I haven't even told your father

that aunt Marguerite is coming to visit.

Who said Marguerite?

Peter, it's just for a week.

A week! Aw, jeez! No, no, no,

no, no! Please, god, kill me now.

No, no, damn, crap, damn it to hell, son of a...

Peter!

Lois, sometimes it's appropriate to swear.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth

and nothing but the truth, so help you god?

I do.

You bastard.

I love aunt Marguerite.

Because if it wasn't for her,

I never would've met you, Peter.

Aunt Marguerite, have you seen my towel?

Have the towel boy bring you another.

Oh, I don't want to bother him.

Nonsense, dear. You're a pewterschmidt. Towel boy!

Uh, hi, my name... my name is towel.

I have a Peter for you.

My name is Peter. I'll be your nipples... towel boy!

Aw, jeez.

Ok, everyone.

Give aunt Marguerite

a big Griffin family welcome.

Aunt Marguerite!

Lois!

Oh, my god!

Sh-she's dead!

Whoa! Heh.

Careful what you wish for, huh, Lois?

What if they Bury her

and she wakes up because she wasn't really dead

she was only sleeping?

Yeah. That's what happened to our big brother Jimmy.

That's why mom and dad adopted you.

What?

Peter, you remember coco, my friend from Newport?

Peter, I almost didn't recognize you without a towel on your arm.

Lois, where are your parents?

Don't tell me they're still on safari.

You know daddy.

He won't rest until he kills something on every continent.

Ha-ha.

But I'm hoping they'll be back in time for Christmas.

It just wouldn't be Christmas without your parents.

Oh, I dropped my watch.

Peter, would you be a sport and fetch it for me?

Sure thing, Mr. Pewterschmidt.

Peter, we've got to put that out!

Ow, ow, ow, ow...

I'm telling you, Brian, nothing changes.

These bluebeards still treat me like scum

just 'cause I'm not loaded.

I got news for them. I'm as elegant as anyone in this room.

Peter, we have to meet with aunt Marguerite's lawyer tomorrow.

She left us something in her will.

Holy crap! You sweet old broad, I love you!

Oh, my god. She's dead.

Madam pewterschmidt's passing has saddened us all.

Yeah, it's a real tragedy.

What did we get? Come on, big money! No whammy! Stop!

Peter, please! I'm sorry. He's stricken with grief.

Before she passed, your aunt recorded a message for you.

Newport, Rhode Island.

Home of new England's most elegant and historic estates.

The breakers, rosecliff,

and exquisite cherrywood manor.

The palatial mansion of Marguerite pewterschmidt.

Marguerite is a shining example of how.

People with a lot of money.

Are just plain better than everyone else.

Lois, you were always my favorite niece.

I just knew you'd find a wonderful man.

Who would make all your dreams come true.

But I was wrong.

And now you're dead. Score one for Peter.

Shh.

It's time you started living like a pewterschmidt.

That's why I'm giving you.

My summer home in Newport.

Cherrywood? That's so generous of aunt Marguerite.

Wow, our own summerhouse!

Now I feel kind of bad for doing that thing with her toothbrush.

Kiss it? Hell, we'll even wipe it for you.

Any bars on that street?

24 happy hours a day. Oh, boy!

Can I see that pamphlet, sir?

Oh.

Are you saying I'm ugly?

It doesn't matter, dear. You're rich now.

Oh, that's not necess...

Oh, my.

It's really hard.

That's why we got that Steven Hawking guy.

Oh, what a coincidence. I've got one.

Stewie!

That's a wrap, people.

Now let's get the hell out of here.

Wait a second. Where are you going?

The old bag only paid us up through the song.

We can just pick up after ourselves.

After all, we'll only be here on weekends.

No, no, Lois.

It's time you started living

like the piece of schmidt you are.

That's pewterschmidt!

W-W-Wait, you guys.

You're all hired to be full-time Griffin servants.

Peter, where are we gonna get the money

to pay all these people?

Simple. I sold our house in quahog.

You sold our home?

Surprise!

Peter, how could you?

Whoops.

Peter, how could you sell our house in quahog

without even asking me?

Aw, honey, this is where you belong.

You deserve a big house and nice stuff.

You know, like diamonds.

But I love our old house.

You have to buy it back.

It's too late for that. Our stuff is packed.

It's on its way here.

Come on, Lois, you'll love living in Newport.

Sure, this house is big,

but it's also very intimate.

Intimate. Intimate.

So we're really gonna live here now?

Intimate.

That's right, honey.

I don't know, Peter.

Please, mom. Look, there's a pool.

Yeah. And there's a chair.

The solarium is at the far end of the west wing.

Come play with us, stewie, forever and ever and ever.

Yes. All work and no play makes stewie a dull boy.

And across the hall from the library

we have the billiard room.

And here we have the lounge.

Sweet Mary, mother of god! Jackpot!

What can I get you, sir?

We have 10 varieties of single malt scotch

and a wine cellar with over 10,000 bottles.

Don't make me beg.

I did love spending time here when I was a kid.

All right, mom!

Jonathan and I just returned

from sailing our yacht around the world.

Oh, oh, funny sailing story.

A guy's on his boat, in the middle of the ocean

and he sees a little black dog.

Let me tell ya, this dog's been swimming for days,

and he stinks like a dead otter.

Peter, maybe this isn't the place...