Most Likely to Die

Hello.

- Did I wake you? - No.

- Nobody's there yet, right? I left early. - Nope.

Can you believe it's been 10 years since graduation?

Oh, I feel so old.

It's gonna be great seeing everybody though.

This isn't a good idea.

Listen, I know you don't want people over,

but these are your friends, your real friends.

Tonight we're gonna get drunk, reacquainted,

help Simone fill out her stupid name tags.

And then tomorrow you and I are gonna be

the best-looking couple at that reunion.

Whatever you say, Ashley.

Ray, baby, are you okay?

You know I don't give a damn

about that stupid hockey thing, right?

Stupid hockey thing. Right.

It just means you won't be on the road all the time

and we can spend more time together.

So just sit tight, baby. I'm gonna take care of you.

I'll be there soon.

I'm fine.

Yoo-hoo!

Ray, baby, I've got a surprise.

Look at what you've done with the family manor.

Your mama must love this.

All ready.

I am saving the rest of the striptease for you.

Well, well...

This is nice.

"Find me"?

Ooh, fun and games.

I like it.

Seriously, Ray,

you're missing out.

Ooh, great minds think alike.

Am I now?

Okay, Ray, I give up.

Now come out and ravage me.

I know where you are.

Fisher twins' party, senior year.

You remembered.

Oh!

Goddamn it, Ray!

This is not how you get laid.

Come out, asshole.

That's it. Creep.

- ( Door slams ) - ( gasps )

Ray?

Screw you. I'm out of here.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Come on.

Oh, my God. Stop!

Oh, God, stop! Please stop!

( car engine revving in distance )

Okay.

Come on, girl, ante up.

Oh, that's gross. Okay.

The longest drive ever.

- Welcome back. - Oh.

- Hi. You scared me. - Help you with your bag?

Oh, no.

No, I think I got it, thanks.

All right, well, you let me know if you need any help...

- Okay. - ...Gabriella.

Do I know you?

Butcher's Red Ale, Saturday night only.

Poker nights, that's what you used to drink.

Tarkin.

What are you doing here?

Oh, Ray took me on,

you know, when I lost the store.

He brought me here to be the caretaker

and look after his place while he's on the road...

you know, hockey.

Okay, good to know.

Okay, I should go in.

Yeah, all right. Well, let me know if you need anything.

Got it. See you around.

All right.

Not if I see you first.

Ray! Ashley!

Is anybody home?

Okay.

Hello?

Wow, impressive.

Oh, my gosh, who would do that?

Oh, my goodness.

That's gross.

Shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit.

- You came! - Oh, my gosh.

- You're here. - Jade.

I'm so... Stop. I swear to God

I'm so mad at you right now. Stop.

Did you find out about Brad?

You knew?

Why is he even coming? He never even graduated.

Well, the faculty is presenting him

with an honorary diploma,

you know, due to his overwhelming success and all.

It's two days. You'll live.

- One hint of a warning. - Yeah, and you wouldn't have come.

Damn straight, I wouldn't have come.

Well, go on then, go. If you're gonna escape,

now is your chance, 'cause everyone's gonna be here any minute.

Or right now.

It's too late.

You're doomed.

Stop, stop, stop.

( electronic music playing over speakers )

Man: A toast to us.

- ( all cheering ) - Cheers.

You'll be proud to know that the goats

still reign as the best senior prank ever.

Simone: That was ridiculous.

The real senior prank was organized by the cheerleaders.

And it sucked. They TP'd

the goalpost on the football field.

Simone: And the sprinklers came on.

Toilet paper is really hard to clean, Mike, that's what.

I can attest to that, because the football team had to clean it.

- Simone: Thank you. - But the goats were still way better.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

Wait, wait, I thought the goats were Freddie's idea.

They were, yes, but numbering three goats

"1, 2 and 4", that was me.

The faculty must have searched

for goat number three for a week.

The phantom goat. Ooh!

Simone: Less goat talk, more name tags

for the reunion. Who would like to get this shit done?

Yes, ma'am, Miss Most Likely to Get What She Wants.

All I want right now is just spend the rest of my life in that hot tub.

Gabriella: How did I get wrangled into this?

Jade did not tell me that there would be hard labor.

- Simone didn't have your number. - Oh, okay.

Jade: But Miss Class President says

it's the yearbook committee's responsibility.

Make fun of me all you want, but I had to organize this reunion

- from three states away. - I helped, too.

Yeah, but you're here in town. It's easier for you.

Okay, who here joined Yearbook for the credits?

And it looked good on my college application.

And who joined for the hot teacher?

Yeah, of course.

Freddie: So why did you join Yearbook, Gaby?

'Cause Brad joined Yearbook for the hot teacher.

Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - What?

- Ray has an original. No way.

- Gaby: I thought they were all destroyed. - I know.

Ray must have smuggled one.

We got so much shit for that.

I don't know if that's how I'd put it. Could have been way worse.

That was not my fault. I shouldn't have gotten into trouble at all.

How do you figure that? They way I remember it, you did the eyes.

- We were so wasted. - What's the point of poker night?

It was still a shitty thing to do.

I just meant that it wasn't my fault that it got out.

Ray's the tool who slipped it into the yearbook,

and we all got detention until graduation.

Detention was awesome. We bonded.

It was replacing that page in everyone's yearbook that sucked.

I still have scars on my fingers from those stupid razors.

Lamont: I can deal with a little yearbook carving,

but Ray almost got expelled,

would have kissed that hockey scholarship bye-bye.

Ray was lucky that shit went down with John, took the heat off him.

You guys, the only lucky thing that happened

was that nobody got killed. You're acting like one thing

wasn't directly related to the other.

You think John had a gun in his locker because of the yearbook prank?

I definitely think it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Jade: Gaby's right.

We had tortured that kid since the first grade.

Yeah, Ray and just about everybody else in the student body.

I'm just saying, you know,

who knows what would have happened if they didn't find it?

Simone: Poor John Doe... Dougherty.

God, we never even called him by his real name.

Whatever happened to John?

After he got expelled, I think he went to Juvie.

I heard he eventually moved to San Francisco with his mom.

Come on, guys. New subject, right?

All: Yes, thank you.

- Jade: Okay? - Yeah. Shit.

Jade: Did I tell you

that I had to go through Brad's people

to invite him to this reunion?

His freakin' agent fielded my calls.

He's Brad Campbell, TV star now.

Freddie: You mean "Rock Mannon, Private Eye."

This isn't a good idea.

You said you'd talk to her. You promised.