Silent Night

Subtitle by bRuJuK

Down here!

I'm down here!

Hey!

- The basement.

Hello. Hey. Hey. I'm down here.

Just let me go, okay?

Please?

'Cause I-- I didn't know she was married.

What are you-- what-- what are you doing?

Just look, it's-- it's a fucking misunderstanding.

I didn't-- I'm sorry, okay?

She was begging for it. What the fuck did you--?

I didn't read that-- 'cause you're her husband.

I-- fuck, I didn't-- okay, just-

how the fuck am I supposed to know that she was married?

'Cause she wasn't even wearing a fucking wedding ring, okay?

I swear to God, I'm never- I'm never gonna touch her again.

I'm gonna get the fuck out of here, okay?

Just...

You're-- you're not her husband.

You're-

you're just a sick fuck.

Say something!

Hel-- Hello.

- Up and at 'em, Deputy. - Sheriff?

Mm, I need you at the station at 1500 hours.

Wait. why?

Deputy Jordan's got my shift.

Jordan's MIA.

Wait, what?

No one's seen him since Thursday.

Apparently he's gonzo, out of here,

got a whiff of something he couldn't pass up.

Meow!

Sir, I can't work tonight. It's Christmas Eve.

It's Christmas Eve for all of us,

the season of giving, so get off your sorry ass.

Town hall's expecting a record number of Santas.

It's gonna be a real clusterfuck.

With all due respect, sir,

today is a really tough day for me.

It's my first Christmas without John.

Okay, well, I'll look forward to seeing you.

Hmm.

A six-sided item, nine letters.

Hmm.

I'm home.

I'm innocent, I swear. I swear.

Police brutality!

Help! Help! Help!

Daddy, I'm sorry I can't be here tonight, but you understand.

That's okay, darling. You just write

as many parking tickets as you can for all those other wannabes

and then look for me up on that throne.

Oh, well, that would be cheating, wouldn't it, Mother?

She's straight as an arrow.

- I am proud of you, kiddo. - Thank you.

There's a gift in the mailbox for you, Hank.

Give it here.

Hey, Daddy, what's a six-sided item?

Uh, a cube.

Mm, nine letters.

Uh, a hexagon.

Close. That's seven.

I'll figure it out eventually.

Anyways, good luck.

I'm not gonna need it. This is gonna be my year.

Of course it is.

And in the morning, we will open up Christmas presents

and we will have leftovers and we'll spend the whole day together, okay?

- You be careful out there, hon. - Of course.

- You promise? - Of course, Mother.

And watch out for those drunken Santas with the wandering hands, eh?

And no letting them off with just a smile

and a slap on the wrist, not my girl.

I won't let you down, Dad.

.' Fa la la la la la la la la .'

- Nice job, Mr. Mayor. - Huh? Pardon me?

- The lights-- quite a display. - Pain in the ass.

But we're entertaining tonight, and Mrs. Mayor has her standards.

So you're not judging the Santa contest then?

No, no, no. It's an election year.

If I choose a Santa, I earn one vote and lose the other 499.

- Merry Christmas, Tiffany. - Hey.

Tiffany, please go put on something more respectable.

Respectable? What would you know about respectable?

I have important people coming over tonight.

You might think it's cool for you and your important people

to route a road through protected land.

I don't.

This town will die if we don't put another road in.

It's already dead.

All right, see you at the Santa parade.

Yeah. You take care.

What are you doing, honey? Those are Mommy's heart pills.

- I need those. - You need to take me to the mall.

But I thought we'd go to church tonight.

Fuck church. I want my new LV today.

Why don't you wait until tomorrow and see what Santa brings you?

Do I look like I believe in Santa Claus?

Go get your purse and meet me in the car.

Great. Salvation fucking Army.

Got something for me?

- I didn't ask for that.

Reverend Madeley.

Do you remember the old days?

Full house every Christmas Eve,

Easter too.

Nothing's the same anymore,

not even the snow.

Well, we've all lost a lot this year.

John was important to the community.

It's always hard

when a loved one leaves you,

no matter what the circumstances,

but I want you to remember

Jesus loves you, Aubrey.

He's always here for you.

And so am I.

If there's anything

I can do to ease your pain,

anything at all...

I'm going to be late.

You want me to pour you a coffee?

No, it's okay. I got it.

- What are you reading? - A survey.

It says that Christmas makes people crazy.

They think it's the short days.

Or maybe it's "Jingle Bells" 100 times before breakfast.

- Where is everyone anyway? - Sheriff's out,

scouting the parade route for suspicious packages.

And where is Giles?

Late, as always.

So you hear about Jordan disappearing? He flew the coop.

Yes, that is why I'm here today.

I mean, he couldn't have waited until after Christmas?

Rumor is there's a girl.

They're eloping to Milwaukee.

Okay.

Of course they are.

Can you think of a nine-letter word for a six-sided item?

For my crossword?

Ooh, I'll Google it.

What? No. The whole point is to figure it out yourself.

So why are you asking me?

It is just so nice of you to show up, Giles.

Don't tell me-- I missed a bank heist and an alien invasion.

If I can manage to put on my makeup, blow-dry my hair and get here on time...

The truth is, I had to stop at the store

and get something for you ladies.

Christmas presents from you? Really?

Don't rush me. Form a line.

Oh, after you've been kissing the sheriff's asshole, you're gonna-

Oh, God.

No, thank you.

Sheriff's Department. Yes.

Ma'am, which Santa Claus? Ma'am?

I see. We'll send someone right over.

You know that traveling Santa, the one in the square?

- Yeah. What's up? - Well, seems he's been making kids cry.

- What? How? - Maybe he got a boner.

Ugh.

Kids are squirming in his lap all day.

It's bound to happen sooner or later.

Has anyone ever done a background check on you, seriously?

I'll just take this one on my own.

What did I say?

- Hey. - Hello.

- Hi there. - How are you?

Fine, thank you.

- Ho, ho, ho, Aubrey, Merry Christmas. - Hi, Merry Christmas.

Hi.