Sky High

- 'How do I look, guys?' - 'Hot!'

'Thanks.

'Uh, hi. I'm Bobby, and I'm the guy who hates jokes

'but digs surfing and dogs and drive-ins...'

'Especially back seats.'

'Uh, I'm going to Greece as a foreign-exchange student

'and I just wanted to say so long to all my friends on campus.'

'You know me. I'm the Mick Schwartz.

'I'm the leader of this little anthropological expedition.

'Just kiddin', but the guys did ask me

'to make all the important decisions over there.'

'I graciously accepted because... I'm the only truly qualified leader.'

'Ready? It's OK? It's alright?

'Hi. I'm Les Sherwood and I live in Encino.

'Uh, I'm going to Greece with Bobby and Mick

'and I'm really looking forward to the experience.

'Um...

'I got my trusty computer here and it's all nicely programmed

'with all kinds of information on our host country.

'Uh, I'm also in charge of upholding an agreement that we made.

'Anybody who says a four-letter word has to pay the others $1 on the spot.'

'So, to all our buddies left back on campus, fuck you.'

You must have seen "Ben-Hur" lately.

He cab driver?

Welcome to Greece, guys.

Pardon me, we... We have a reservation.

Excuse me, do you speak English?

Of course he speaks English. Everybody in this country speaks English.

- English? - Yeah.

- Me? - Yeah.

No!

Uh...

Poly kala efharisto.

I love you, too.

Les, you do know how they separate the men from the boys here, don't you?

- How? - With a crowbar.

Alright, you guys. Half a day is all we got in Athens.

We'll send some snapshots home

and they'll think we're doing serious work while we're cruising the islands.

Let's do it.

Where the hell are we?

Lost, that's where.

Never fear, Les is here.

Gamo esena ki olo sou to soi?

Yes.

Yes.

- He didn't mean it. It's alright. - Hey, it's OK. It's OK.

What the hell did you say to him?

God, who messed with my computer?

What? I don't understand. Do you speak English?

No, no.

- A-acropolis. - Ah, acropolis.

- Is this the last one? - Yeah.

- You sure? - I'm sure.

OK, let's go.

Oh, my God! This is totally awesome.

I've gotta record my impressions of this place.

It's too much.

Hello!

- Oh, no! - Get us outta here, Ben. Fast!

I don't believe it!

That old guy dropped dead the minute he got near ya.

What did you do? Fart?

It's not funny, Mick. I think they killed him.

Why?

I don't know, but he was trying to tell me something when he died.

He spoke some weird language. It's on this tape.

It doesn't make sense.

You mean it's all Greek to you?

Very funny. No, it's not Greek.

It sounds similar but definitely not Greek.

Let Mick listen. If it's gibberish, he can translate.

Hey, no ethnic jokes, OK?

It must be Russian.

The KGB?

Yeah, it must be the KGB.

Come on. Why?

Who else would kill a guy for a crummy tape?

Thank you, Mr. Boswell.

OK, I talked to the cultural attachè.

He said if we suspect foul play,

it's better if we don't go to the embassy in case we've been followed.

Anyway, he gave me his address.

He said he spent two years in Moscow and he can translate Russian.

They're after me.

Please, take this tape.

Don't tell anyone.

No one must know...

...or the KGB will find out.

Your life will be in grave danger.

No matter what happens, you must never listen to this tape.

If anything happens to me, take the tape to...

- To... - Who?

Take the tape to who?

All I hear now is, "Oh, shit. He's hit. The guy is hit."

He said the magic word. You owe us a buck.

It doesn't count, I was under stress.

I mean,

it seems as though the old man bought the farm

before he got to the juicy part.

I guess whatever name he was trying to say must be on that other tape.

Yeah, the one he didn't give me.

He didn't?

No. I suppose he meant to, but I got freaked and started running.

Then these two guys in suits ran up to him and started looking through his pockets.

Well, I'm no wizard and I'm no secret agent,

but the thing seems to speak for itself.

Do you think it's KGB?

No, I think it's MTV.

Huh?

That's a joke, son.

Of course it's KGB.

Who else would kill a Russian for a tape?

That's what I told them, sir.

Well, the way I see it,

and remember I'm no wizard and I'm no secret agent,

I'm just a goddamn bullshit attachè one week from retirement,

some Russian secret was sneaked out of the country,

and the KGB found out.

Maybe some fellow named Ovidoff had something to do with it, maybe not.

But the KGB have been known to seal mouths

as well as to make them talk.

But then, there's nothing for you to be afraid of.

You guys don't have that other tape.

On the other hand, if you do have it...

...let me give you a little piece of crap, otherwise known as advise.

Don't screw around with these clowns.

They play for keeps.

You bring me that other tape

and I'll arrange for you boys to go home on a military plane.

Well, it's been a pleasure meeting with you, boys.

You have my number. Call.

If anything happens, if anything goes wrong,

if you see anything suspicious or if you happen to find that tape, call.

I wouldn't want you guys to meet with any ugly accidents

in such a pretty country.

If we do meet with any, it won't be the KGB

It'll be the CAB

What's a CAB?

A cab, dummy. Get it? CAB.

Sure. Real funny, Mick.

Boy, are you lame sometimes.

The man said, "No matter what happens, don't listen to the tape."

Ah, famous last words.

I don't think he knew they would kill him

before he gave you the name.

Why do we even care?

I mean, we came here to be foreign-exchange students, not spies.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

Wait a minute.

You can just sit there like nothing happened and say,

"Well, a guy was just shot for this tape, but I'm just gonna go on with my plans

"because I'm here for the fun and the women."

- You can say that, Bobby? - Sort of, yeah.

What do you think is on that tape? Jane Fonda's workout?

Look, let's talk about some important things

like freedom, duty, country.

- I wasn't born here, Mick. - So what?

If the Russians want that tape this badly, they'll use it against our country.

That's bogus and totally fascist.

- Les? - Yeah?

Shut up.

OK.

So, I'm asking you, Bobby. What ideals did you grow up with?

What dreams?

Sports cars.

Insatiable blondes.

Come on, what's it gonna be, creep?

Your duty to your country, your duty to yourself as a free man,

your total and unselfish sacrifice

for the sake of probably millions of innocent people,

or just broads?

That's a tough one, Mick.

Come on, pal, what's it gonna be?

The broads.

Me too. Just checkin'.

- But what do we do with the tape? - Give it to Boswell.

Dump it in the ocean.

- Before we listen to it? - After we listen to it, nerdo.

Yeah, but what if it's dangerous and blows our minds?

Not to worry.

You don't have a mind.

OK, shoot.

Hey, guys?

Hey! Mick?

Hey, can you guys hear me?

'My dear friend and devoted colleague,

'by now, as you to listen to this tape,

'you must be as stunned as I was when I first came across

'the ultimate, most potent hallucinogenic discovery in history.

'It is, of course, nothing but a white modulated frequency.

'I have been working on this since we last met in Oslo.

'But I am now afraid that my experiments must come to a swift end.

'The other night I learned that my secret is no longer a secret.

'I found a man in my apartment.

'He was listening to the results of my discovery.

'As you know, my friend, I am a non-violent man.

'But the very thought of someone,

'anyone with the wrong intentions getting his hands on my invention,

'filled me with dread and panic.