Bookworm

Come on.

Where are you?

Oh, good cat.

Here we go.

Mildred, do you want something to eat?

Mum, be quiet.

What, I can't hear you?

Can you make me some toast?

Sure.

And I know just how you like them.

Razor-sharp triangles, no crusts?

Yeah, that's right.

One more thing, Mildred.

What? I'm in the middle of something here.

What are the magic words?

Please.

Well, that's a magic word, singular.

I want the magic words, plural.

Mum, I'm trying to catch Jonesie

in an intricate home-made trap.

Can this wait?

Sorry, why in the name of buggery

are you trying to catch our poor, sweet, innocent cat?

- Practice. - For?

For the Panthera Pardus

that's been haunting our wilderness, of late.

You may know him by his nom de plume,

The Canterbury Panther.

Panthera Pardus, nom de...

- Nom de plume. - Nom de plume.

You sure do know a crap ton of words,

don't you, my girl?

I'm a card-carrying bookworm, so...

Yes, I sure do know a crap ton of words.

Mmm...

But do you know the magic words?

Mum!

Oh, come on, just say them,

and I'll go and get your toast triangles.

I... love... you.

Go on...

With... all...

of my...

heart.

Was that so difficult?

Yes, actually, yes.

It was.

Ha!

Yes, there we go, puss.

That's it.

Yes.

Come on, Jonesie.

And...

Dinner is served.

Ah!

Jonesie?

Psh.

Great!

Mum?

If you sneak up on me again, I will pee myself.

And you're gonna have to clean it up.

Mum?

Mum?

Mum!

I have some good news, and I have some bad news.

The bad news is you're gonna need a new toaster.

Okay, that one's kaput.

The good news is you're not gonna need a new mum.

Yay.

Hey, your toaster exploded.

I don't know what the odds are of that happening.

But you know the button you push

when you start the toasting process?

Well, that button was faulty.

And it gave your mum quite the shock,

her body went all... jelly-like,

and she flew backwards, and then her head hit the bench,

and then she fell into a coma.

A coma?

Yeah, well, she's not dead.

Okay, so don't worry about that.

But she's not fully alive, either.

She's in this wonderful dreamlike netherworld.

I know what a coma is.

Will she be okay?

Well, you listen to me carefully,

okay, Mildred?

I'm not talking to you as a doctor would to a child.

Alright? I'm talking this soul...

to soul.

Will she be okay, yes or no?

Well ye— Yes.

But she has what's called a brain bleed.

Okay? So we're gonna need to keep her in here

for at least a week,

until she stabilizes.

A week?

No— She was supposed to take me camping tomorrow.

I had it all worked out.

She finally took some time off work. She promised.

The camping's gonna have to wait,

I'm afraid, Mildred.

But first things first.

Where's your dad?

Hello.

I'm Strawn. Strawn Wise.

Mildred's biological father.

The magician.

Illusionist.

Magician sounds...

cheap.

- Can I come in? - Can I see some ID?

ID?

Yeah. It stands for Identification Document.

I would love to show you some ID, but there's a problem.

You see, you actually have it.

- I have it? - That's right.

What'd ya mean, mate?

You have my ID.

I do? Where?

Just...

I have to say.

Normally, I find magicians skin-crawlingly embarrassing,

but you're actually half decent.

Access granted.

Oh, look, mate, just so you know,

I didn't hug the girl.

Even though Lord knows she needs one.

I'm sorry, what?

Your daughter.

I specifically didn't hug her.

Why?

I've heard so many horror stories, okay?

You can't be too careful

with other people's kids these days... Touching them and...

Even hugs are a no-go.

Yeah, I... I guess so.

Right. I'm off. Take care of the girl.

She's in there, glued to a book, as always.

I'm next door on the right if you need anything.

- Yeah, thanks. - Okay.

- Hmm? - No.

Mildred, it's me. Strawn. Your dad.

I just flew halfway across the world

to be with you, little lady.

And I'm sorry about your mom, but she's gonna be okay.

It's official.

A licensed medical professional has officially told you

she's officially going to be okay?

Is that what you mean by "official"?

Well... no, I... I mean,

she's gonna be okay.

I'm sure.

Pretty sure.

Hey, do you want to see something amazing?

I said, do you want to see something amazing?

Will it take a long time?

- No. - Fine.

Show me something amazing.

Go on. Pick a card.

Now, look at it.

Don't tell me what it is.

Put it back in the deck.

Alright.

Is this your card?

No.

Sorry.

It sounded like you said, "No."

It sounded like I said no because I did indeed say, "No."

Okay.

- Is this your card? - I'm afraid it's not.

Okay.

Is that your card?

I can lie and say, "Yes," if it helps.

- This? - No. Sorry.

- This? - No.

- This? - Look, it's okay—

- God damn it. - Wait!

Now... Kindly, remove your jaw from the floor and tell me.

Is that your card?

Right.

Before I get to whether that is or isn't my card,

lemme get one thing straight.

Yeah. What's that?

Am I right in assuming

that you snuck around to the back garden

to glue that card to the window

before scrambling back around to ring the front doorbell?

No.

It's... It's called magic.

I use the power of magic.

Did you or did you not?

Come on. I won't be angry with you.

I just... want you to tell me the truth.

Fine. Yeah, uh, yeah, okay.

But that is your card.

Right?

Wrong.

It is your card.

It... is... not... my... card.