Cafè Express

- Are you sure it's for me? - That's what they said.

- When will they announce it? - They should be doing it now.

Are you sure it works?

It did, when they warned us a little while ago.

I made the pools!

"From the Head Office of the Ministry of Transportation, Rome. "

"To Chief Conductor Guiseppe Sanguigno. "

- See, it's for you personally. - Yeah, I see.

"Identify and hold in custody for railway police one Michele Abbagnano,

due in Vallo Della Lucania on express train no. 517,

arriving from Napoli, wanted in Rutino, Ogliastro,

Pontecangnano Castellanmare, Torre Del Greco, Salerno and Pompeii,

by the state railway authorities for vending without a licence."

Who the fuck is Michele Abbagnano?

It's the train that's arriving from Naples, the 517 express.

- Well? Aren't you going? - The telex machine hasn't finished.

What if they send some more information?

It'll still be waiting for you to read later on, but the train is here now.

Ah, you can't see a thing out here!

Give me a chance to switch on the main yard lights, will you?

Look at that, the main yard lights wouldn't even light up a graveyard.

You're not supposed to thread a needle, are you?

No sir, we're not, we're just going to nab a guy from Naples. Come on, give us a hand.

- What for? - Stay with us.

- Scognamilio, over there. - Yes, sir!

- What does this guy look like anyway? - Who knows!

Oh well then it's no problem, we'll be sure to spot him in no time...

Do you think one'd come all the way from Naples,

just to get off and take the next train back?

We know all the regular commuters, so we can forget about them.

We'll just stay here, see who's staying, and we've got our man!

- Sure, piece of cake! - And what if we don't catch him?

If nothing else, we'll catch pneumonia.

Why not, it's better than nothing.

- Good evening, Don Luigi. - Good evening.

You'd better cover up, Antonio, it's cold out here.

Hurry up!

This way, please.

- So? - And you?

- He didn't get down. - Doesn't seem so.

- Now what do we do? - It's better, isn't it?

- Have you seen anything? - No!

I told you everything was fine, and you wouldn't believe me.

Wait! Look that way!

What a nice smile!

It only lacks words!

- I don't call that an ass. - No? What do you call it?

I call it Paradise.

I'd surely get over my cold with something like that!

Sanguigno, you should also laugh!

I don't feel like it.

It look like you had an accident! Laugh!

He surely had one!

If certain things don't interess him anymore...!

Sanguigno, who were asses like, in your day?

- We didn't have asses in my day. - Laugh! The problem's solved.

Abbagnano Michele didn't get off, so what else d'you want?

- Are we going, or what? - What's the hurry?

It's only 25 minutes late. That's, practically, early.

It means you'll arrive sooner than

the delay you'll later have.

- News? - None.

Good night.

Hey chief, mind if I have another swig or two?

Take it along, it's almost empty anyway.

- Scognamiglio! - Here I am!

- So? - I was waiting for you.

Ready?

- Chief... - Wait a sec,

one of our friends is in the bog.

- Right now? - When you've got to go, you've got to go.

How is it possible that he does this before every job we pull?

It's just nerves, everyone deals with it in his own way.

I get over it by praying.

He gets over it by shitting!

- Coming! Just a sec! - Get going!

- I must button up my pants. - Move it.

Get up.

Here comes Michele, here comes Michele to provide you with all your comforts:

caffe, caffe lungo, latte and cappuccino.

Treat yourself!

Don't deny yourself one of life's little pleasures.

We're here today and you'll be gone tomorrow and then it's too late.

- Is it hot? - Yes. My son...

...puts them in the containers... The heating box ones.

- We'll have two black coffees. - Right away.

One... and two...

- Where'd he go? - We must've hurt his feelings.

- So what'd you say? - I didn't say anything.

Your tickets, please.

Thank you.

Two black coffees, that's 600.

Ah, you're peddling without a licence, huh?

No, this is our new uniform, atest Parisian fashion.

We change to white in the summer.

Here comes Michele, here comes Michele to provide you with all your comforts.

Calling for the priest it's more expensive, and less fun.

Caffe, caffe lungo, latte and cappuccino.

Can't you sell your coffee without waking up everyone on the train?

Good thing I did, if you drank your coffee in your sleep you'd choke to death.

- I'd like a coffee, please. - Sure.

The sugar's already in it.

- 300 lira. - Same thing every night.

- You're giving me headaches. - That's a good sign.

It means at least you've got a head! Give it to me.

- What happened? - We're getting to an old switch.

If you don't notice it, you'll spill coffee all over you.

And how d'you notice it?

When it goes "ti-ti-ti-ta", it means the switch is next,

then it goes "ta-ta-ta-tum" and everything jolts.

See? Just a sec, it's not over yet.

I'll put it here!

Caffe, caffe lungo...

- Want some coffee, sister? - Yes, thank you.

- But don't make any noise! - Me?

- Orphans? - Children of God.

Orphans.

- Are you taking them to the seashore? - To the mountains.

Lucky they!

- My son can't go. - Your son's not an orphan.

- Maybe that's the problem. - How much?

300's fine, 400's even better. I trust your good heart.

- There you are. - Thank you, may God bless your soul.

And the change?

Oh, you wanted it? I misunderstood.

You'll have to be patient with me, with only one hand...

Have you been disabled from birth?

Disabled?

Ah, you mean the wooden arm?

I'll tell you what happened.

There was a terrible storm one night...

and two kids got caught in a fire.

The wind was howling, and the fire roaring was roaring,

but I heard them cry and leapt right into the flames.

They told me when I woke up in hospital that I got the kiddies...

out of the fire, but the fire had got my arm.

D'you still want your change?

- Excuse me, where are we? - At Torchiana, after Rutino.

But it's black as pitch, how can you be sure?

I'm like a cat in the dark, I just know, period.

- How much more till Ogliastro? - Next stop.

- Do you want a coffee call? - A what?

So when you get off, I'll warn you with a cup of coffee.

I'm not getting off, I'm expecting someone else to get on.

It's still worth having a call anyway, for 200 lire you can stop worrying.

- No, thanks, I'll know when we're there. - Whatever you say.

Caffe, caffe lungo, latte and cappuccino!

- Want some coffee, sir? - Why not ask inside first.

- There's five of them. - Let's see...

Caffe, caffe lungo, latte and cappuccino.

- How much is it? - Special group rate...

...200 lire. - Fine.

- Let me help you. - Thank you.

- How many? - One.

- And fill the cup. - Yes, sir.

- And lots of sugar in it. - Naturally.

- Sugar. - Thanks.

Okay then. Everyone served.

- Your little one has his own supply. - He's only quiet when he's nursing.

- Very cute. What's his name? - Peppino.

Has he done his military service yet?

- She's grieving. - What happened?

My son worked in a quarry.

But heavy rain fell one day, and he died.

He owns the quarry, the man out there.

He's endured this trouble too, poor fellow.

My son wasn't even insured.

He gave him this work because he took pity of him.

He's been very good to us. He took us all to the funeral.

- At his expense. - You didn't have to pay for the ticket?

- No, nothing. - What a fine man...

- Thank you - Imagine that.

- Would you like a coffee now? - Sure, one coffee.

I heard about the accident.

- Oh, yes... - These things happen.

Say, how are you off for a reliable night watchman?

- I've got a bull mastiff. - Fine

But how much does it cost you? They eat a lot: pasta, meat...

On the other hand, I never eat meat.

- The dog can bark. - Yes,

but only barks.

Me, I can phone someone.

- Who? - I don't know... police,

...if there were thieves about. - Policemen it's all we'd miss!

Let's keep it simple. When the dog barks, any thieves will clear out.

- Sure, they clear out... - If not, the dog'll tear them apart.

Well, maybe I'm not capable to tear a man apart.

You need a special vocation for that.

But I can bark. Do you want to hear?

No, no. How much is it?

You don't even want to hear me?

- Then let's say 1.000 lire. - 1.000 lire for one coffee?!

Two. Wouldn't you at least want to offer something hot...

...to the family of your other dog?

- Thank the Lord. - Let's thank the Lord.

Our Father, Who art in heaven,

Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom come,

Thy Will be done...

Ogliast...

- Ogliastro! - Right.