The Mysteries of Laura

- (Unlocking door) - Woman: Mark!

Mark?

Mark, something up here is leaking schmutz through my ceiling.

Mark! Are you here?

Okay, okay, someone's gonna lose an eye.

Um, how come I don't see underwear?

Remember, last time you went to daddy's,

Principal Velasco has made it very clear commando equals no, no.

Yes! Thank you.

Daddy's sofa-bed hurts my butt.

You tell daddy that he should sleep on the sofa.

He certainly has had enough practice.

- Daddy only has icky juice. - I can't help you out there, honey.

You two pack more for an overnight than a grown woman.

Sit on this. I need your help.

Here we go. Yes!

Why can't daddy have a sleepover at our house?

I will explain that to you in 20 years.

Boys: Our house! Our house! Our house!

No more daddy sleepovers.

- Excuse me? - The boys come home exhausted,

unbathed, missing eyebrows...

Eyebrow! It's just the one.

You want quality time with your sons... New deal.

- We're nesting. - Is that like spooning?

Definitely not. You come to the house, I go away.

Wait, so you want a weekly vacation from your life?

Why not? You take a daily vacation from yours.

- Well played. - Look, this is what's best for me,

which is all that really matters.

You do realize you just said that last part out loud.

But it also happens to be what's best for the boys.

Fine, and I'm assuming you don't wanna stay at my apartment.

God, no! You have icky juice.

I booked a hotel room.

- It only cost me 75,000 Duane Reade points. -(Phone ringing)

- It is booked. - Broderick.

Be at the house at 6:00.

Ethan's dad is dropping off the boys.

- Don't be late. - We're on it.

Did you even hear what I said?

Eyebrow, nesting, 6:00 sharp, Ethan's dad.

I got it. You got a body at Sixth and Avenue A.

Do not expect an I.D. anytime soon.

Corpse was dissolved in sulfuric acid which contaminated DNA

and which also dissolved co's fingerprints and facial features.

- Co? - Gender neutral pronoun.

Went to a touchy-feely college.

You had a childhood?

Thought you came out of the womb

with a five o'clock shadow and a lab coat.

Even money is on this being the apartment owner, Mark Harris.

This could be 5'10", 160 pounds.

I should be able to salvage the teeth to compare dental records.

Otherwise, it's gonna be a bit difficult to determine

without skin, sexual organs, full cranium.

Way to bring the party down.

You see something?

I see nothing.

Where's this guy's stuff?

My house is straight out of hoarders.

Lillian as in Gish, Greenberg as in Hank.

Your references are even older than mine.

- Who's this one? - My partner.

- Hubba hubba. - Back at you.

Mrs. Greenberg, when was the last time you saw Mark Harris?

Friday. He always takes out my trash cans.

Sweet boy! It's just him and me.

The third unit's owned by some skanky trust-fund girl,

who's away in Europe all the time being a whore.

Her mother must be proud.

Okay, so no sign of forced entry, TV and stereo's still here.

- Nothing like robbery. - Victim probably knew his killer.

What else can you tell us about Mark?

Uh, for the longest time he was a hermit who didn't say boo.

He worked at home, he never went dancing.

Must have gone for a lot of hand lotion if you know what I mean.

I wish I didn't.

Finally, he met a darling girl, Corrine.

Might this be the happy couple?

Yes, darling.

Suddenly, he became a social butterfly.

And he had lots of parties here.

You would never know it by how neat it is.

- Looks more like a hotel. - You're obsessing.

Most of us like a clean house there, pig penny.

No need for name calling, jerko.

All right, total ray of sunshine.

Tech's telling me they got more prints and DNA in here

than Penn Station at Christmas.

Mark's bed didn't exactly pass the black light test.

- Hello! - And goodbye to early check-in at my hotel.

Finding a needle in that dirty haystack could take us all night.

- We might luck out and get a hit. - Speaking of.

Can I hit that?

Thanks.

Just... just one more. Come on.

The apparent victim was quite the low-profile New Yorker.

My great-aunt Milison has more of an Internet presence.

You can follow her on Instagram.

How you doing on dental records?

15,946 dentists in Manhattan alone.

Well, start making some calls.

On it.

- Did you rearrange the desks? - It's a Feng Shui thing.

The new floor plan really promotes the free flow of creative energy.

- And? - Laura doesn't like sitting by you.

Crime scene techs pulled a print off of a steak knife in Mark Harris's apartment.

Could be the murder weapon, assuming he was diced before he was pureed.

Someone's been watching too much food network.

Matches two. Carlo Corelli,

priors for fraud, lewd conduct, petty larceny.

Last known address is in Hackensack.

- Track them down. - Boom shakalaka!

Carlo Corelli tweeted a mere nine minutes ago,

"at site, bring cash, no cameras."

Sounds potentially incriminating.

- Tracing the IP address. - Oh, no. I can...

254 Bond Street. Forwarding to Laura.

Show off!

As they say, there's a lid for every pot.

Whoa! (Laughs)

NYPD. Which gentleman is Carlo?

Over there.

Billy: Hey!

Excuse me, I gotta...

You might wanna ease up on the carbs.

All right, let's go, let's go, everybody home.

Get home safe.

Talk to us about Mark Harris.

I've never even heard of that individual.

Carlo, please.

We found your fingerprints all over his steak knife.

- Where were you last weekend? - Here!

I throw these functions regularly.

Dot com was taken.

- What planet is this? - If you don't believe me,

you can quite easily check.

- So, you're on parole. - Hmm, barely, past curfew.

Thus my attempted exit stage left.

So when we check, we're gonna find

that you weren't anywhere near Sixth and Avenue A.

Sixth and A?

- Mark H. - Yeah, Mark H.

- You do know him. - Only via the Internet.

Last month, I hosted a week of these gatherings at his apartment.

So, is he one of you?

Haven't a clue.

NY whose... what?

It's a peer-to-peer apartment rental website.

If you're going out of town, you post some photos of your residence

- and a stranger will rent it from you. - No, really!

What planet is this?

Who would let someone they didn't know stay in their home?

It's the trust economy.

But agreed, I would never let my place be rented.

All kind of deviants out there, hmm.

Really, bro?

We're on Mark's NY Pad Exchange page.

And head back to the apartment and go through everything,

and see what you can find over there and I'll call you back.

- How many renters did he have? - Both: 84!

- Are you kidding me? - Nope.

And any one of them could have copied Mark's keys, let themselves in

and given him an acid bath.

Okay, most likely suspect would be this weekend's renter,

namely one, Cody Roberts, who is particularly suspicious

because A, he has a porn name. Cody Roberts.

But also B, no profile pic, no personal info on the site,

zero web presence, he is a ghost.

No Internet presence just like our victim.

Could be a coincidence, but unlikely.

We've searched all Mark's files.

No rental agreement paperwork.

Not surprising.

Nobody under 40 prints out hard copies anymore.

I so knew that. My peeps.

- Mmm-hmm. - I was 30, like, five minutes ago.

Long minutes. (Clears throat)

All right, so, what are we theorizing?

Cody rents the unit, possibly to use it for something more illicit

than an anything-goes party.

Maybe he catches Cody in the act, Cody takes him down.

- (Door opens) - (Guns cocking)

- NYPD! - Don't move!

- Whoa! don't shoot. I... I live here. - Mark Harris?

This is insane.

I'd rented out my place dozens of times just to make a few extra bucks.

I never thought...

And you were away all weekend?

We just caught the jitney back from the Hamptons.

Cody was supposed to leave tonight.

Yeah, well, judging by the remains we found in that bathtub,

it looks like Cody checked out for good.

- What do you know about him? - Uh, not much.

Um, he picked up the keys on Friday.

- He seemed like a nice guy. - We only spoke to him for a minute.

Did you notice anything suspicious?

This is random, but a black Escalade was parked across the street.

A woman was inside watching the block.