Les Rois du gag

Hello, my love? It's me, yes. You'll never guess where i'm calling you from.

From my new car. Yes, yes. It's not bad.

In 2 minutes i'll be downstairs at your place. I love you, my love.

It's magnificent.

Oh no! Oh no!

My new car.

They wrecked the car.

Oh, the truck completely smashed the car.

It completely smashed the car.

- what's wrong? - I found a gag.

What do you think?

A guy goes to see his fiancée with a brand-new car, he has.

It's nice to have a woman who motivates you.

I just brushed 70 decibels, but i can do better if you encourage me.

Thank you. By popular demand, i'll attempt 100 decibels.

Are you crazy or what?

He's insane! Do you know how much that's worth?

- easy there! - Idiot! I can do it too!

Higher and higher.

There you go.

What do you think of the convertible getting crushed?

Where do you get all this stuff from?

Right here. At night, while you're sleeping, i work.

I'm constantly searching for gags.

- i'm looking too. - You don't find many.

It's not about quantity, it's about quality.

And go for it. Yesterday it was weak, as the bride said.

- yes. Humor. Ha ha! - Come on.

It's my sketch.

That's suspicious.

That's terrible.

My memory is failing me.

I don't remember very well anymore.

Uh... I have.

You have no memory.

Huh? That's suspicious.

- you're not allowed to perform that. - What?

- it's forbidden. - And why?

- what's it called? - "Forbidden games."

you see?

Put a spotlight on the nuisance.

You're not acting so smart anymore. What were you saying?

I didn't say anything, it was the gentleman next to me.

No, it wasn't me.

You've got talent for diy work.

You have no idea how much money i'll make.

My sister made a good investment by marrying you.

Want a hand?

- it's brilliant. - We'll test it on catherine.

See? It works. Great, i succeeded.

I spent hours cooking the leftovers!

Don't look so happy! We're working.

Mind your own business!

Wait, help me a little. Oh.

Stop breaking everything!

- do you want me to unplug it? - Unplug it.

I don't know where to unplug it. Stop.

No!

- no, wedge the other one. - In the fridge.

No!

There. Calm down in there.

- calm down in the back. - Down. Down!

We're future stars, we have the right to make mistakes.

Yeah, right! You're a failure, a starving nobody!

We've only got cottage cheese left! Damn it.

Oh yes. Oh dear... no!

Very little is missing.

- it's good, isn't it? - Yes.

You made your gag and now we have nothing left to eat!

Stop it, we're going shopping.

- with what money? - Always money!

With you, i can only talk about it.

- Money isn't everything in life. - There's cash too.

Good comeback.

Do you understand? We have nothing to eat!

All right, julien.

Be careful, mr. Raymond.

For your pasta and your 100 grams of grated cheese, they'd slit your throat for less than that.

I fought at diên biên phu.

Oh dear! It's even worse over here!

And i took my precautions.

- just one. - We're not together.

- the gentleman was here first. - No.

- go ahead. - That's very kind of you.

Excuse me.

I might take some crab.

I said "might."

what's written there? It's not in french.

He babbles.

- But still... - no.

- No, it's not written there. - Yes, it is. Look.

Dutch and french.

Yes. I hadn't noticed they put it there.

They're just noodles.

Is that all?

I'm not a big eater.

6.80.

Damn, i forgot my money.

- will you give me credit? - What next?

Kindly asked. Oh well, never mind.

- Good evening. They are merchants. - Good evening.

Your turn.

But what do you want me to confess? I didn't do anything.

The evening will be devoted to laughter

with the one we have all been waiting for

for this monthly rendezvous that never grows old.

You guessed it.

- it's been 20 years. - No, no.

In his show les mar rants show.

So without further delay, guaranteed laughs.

We don't do the same job.

- he has a job that pays. - Yes.

- doing what he does, i'd be ashamed. - Yes?

He's extremely popular, too.

- Did you see his audience? Thank you. - And what is your "audience"?

That's our problem. Right?

The thing is, we select it.

Seagulls.

No, darling, it's nothing.

That way they won't sting you.

That's a good one, isn't it, granny?

- honestly, does that make you laugh? - Yes.

And it's not just me, there's a whole audience like that.

There's a whole audience that doesn't like it and will speak up.

No, no, this has to stop.

- Television, i'm listening? - Who are we making fun of?

No, i'm asking the question.

How many years are we going to endure this old clown?

It's a public service; You have the right to complain.

I pity your comedian gaëtan.

I'm making a note of it, sir. Good evening.

Goodbye.

- nice. - She took note.

I'm not sure a single call will have much effect.

- Don't move. - He's going to find out what we think of him.

Hello. I'm calling to make a comment about gaëtan.

It's appalling.

- where are you going? - Tours.

"tours"? Get in.

Hello. We're young people.

We're fed up with seeing gaëtan with old has-beens

who don't make us laugh anymore; We want trendy stuff.

Hello. I watch the mar rants program.

Who do you think we are?

What's funny about it?

You've never walked through shit.

Our dog, who saw that, is scandalized.

Your dog is scandalized. I'm making a note of it.

Hello? Good day. My grandfather fought at verdun; He's crying.

You don't laugh about things like that. Thank you.

So, the ratings?

Not as good as last time, but good.

- Is it good or not? - One thing worries me a little.

- viewers called in. - Unhappy?

Very. If i may give you some advice for the future,

make your collaborators younger.

- Who authorized you to say that? - I'm the director.

And for how long?

For all you know, in a month you'll be at the sncf

or at the ministry of leisure.

My boy, don't be mistaken.

I've been a comedian for 30 years, so that kind of remark doesn't work on me.

I don't even know in what sense anymore.

Yes, but you aired the very funny gag

where you dress up as hitler with a moustache

and hang

your coat on the hand of the fellow

who greets you with "heil hitler!"

me, hitler?

Yes.

In 10 years, how many sketches have they done

about hitler with me?

About twenty.

And then there's the sketch about the cuckolded baker, a cream-pie battle

between him and the lover, and the baker's final line:

"i'm in a jam." bravo.

The cream pie has always made people laugh.

And the card game?

- it's awful! - It's brilliant.

I'll prove it to you.

- you're dealing. - Well then, cut.

There are plenty of talented young people

who are dying to work for me. Right?

I've stayed very young.

I'm in great shape.

In shape for what?

That's the last straw. Did you hear that line?

"in shape for what?" very funny!

Very funny! Fire them!

Into the trash, the vermeil cards of laughter!

It's unfair. We're still capable of finding

gags and making people laugh.

Worn out.

It's just that you're incapable of doing it.

- who? Me? - Yes.

"incapable"?

But that's an old gag! It's worn out! Incredible!

Well then, gaëtan?

My poor husband. Anything for a laugh.

- hello, dad. - Hello, darling.