South Park

Well detective it looks like you fooled them again.

Well then it is work I guess.

I just hope that next time, I don't have to run so much.

Ok children, what do you think Barneby Jones

meant when he said this is not a victimless crime?

Anybody?

Children, were you paying attention?

Mr.Garrison, we've been watching Barneby Jones repeats for 8 days now.

It's hard to keep paying attention.

Oh well excuse me Kyle. Why don't you just forget what Barneby Jones has to say.

Why don't you not pay attention to Barneby Jones and let's see how far you get in society.

Ok Stanley, why don't you tell us how Barneby Jones knew the poison was in the milk.

Can't we just be like normal third graders for a little while?

Oh, and what do you consider normal?

I dunno, like learn about Art and Music and go on field trips and stuff.

Well Mr.Smartypants, it just so happens we ARE going on a field trip tomorrow.

- To where? - To the planetarium.

- Planetarium sucks. - Aw now what's wrong with the planetarium?

- It's boring! - Yeah, all the constillations look alike!

Well too bad. You're all going to the planetarium tomorrow and you're all going to love it.

In the meantime we're going to watch episode number 203, Barneby Under Siege.

Oh sorry, I taped these at home so there's more commercials.

Hey kids, do you love Cheesy Poofs?

Well Cheesy Poofs is looking for a kid to sing the happy Cheesy Poof song.

Watch for our talent van as it goes around the country!

I can sing the cheesy poof song!

If you win, you can be picked to be in our next Cheesy Poof commercial!

So remember I love cheesy poofs, you love cheesy poofs

if we didn't eat cheesy poofs we'd be lame...

Ok children let's quiet down, so the bus driver can consentrate on the road.

That ain't how you do it! It goes like this!

SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!!!!!

Ow... geezes lady!

THERE'S THE PLANETARIUM!!!

WATCH YOUR STEP ON THE WAY DOWN SO NOT TO HURT YOURSELF!!!!!!

Ok children, now I'm going to remind you this is a planetarium.

Not a bancock bravo. Let's behave ourselves.

Does your kid have what it takes to be the next Cheesy Poofs anthem singer?

- Hey there it is! - We're going around the country trying to find the kid

who can sing the Cheesy Poof Song better than anybody.

I can sing the cheesy poof song with both hands tied behind my back!

You couldn't get both your arms behind your back fatass!

Come on Eric, we're going to the planetarium.

But I have to go sing the cheesy poof song for that talent vaaann!!!!

No you have to in this building and see a bunch of stupid stars, now come on.

But I wanna sing the cheesy poof song!!! You guys seriously!!!!

Hello children, my name is Dr.Adams. Welcome to the plane-arium.

- I thought it was planeTArium. - Well it is,

but I have a bone disease, which impedes me to pronounce the T in plane-arium.

That's a pretty weird bone disease.

Yes perhaps some day I can get a bone marrow transplant.

- Yes, little boy? - How long is that Cheesy Poof van gonna be outside?

Well I don't know, but anyway boys and girls soon you'll be witnessing

the wonders of the universe.

- But first I wanna show you how the plane-arium works. - As if we care.

- Hey, who are you? - That... little Missy here runs the big projector for us.

- I love my work. - Whoa dude, you're only as old as us. Shouldn't you be in school?

I love my work.

Come on, let's get into the plane-arium, shall we?

Goodmorning children and welcome to the plane-arium.

We're going on a fascinating ride through the universe.

So I advise you to lean back in your chairs and get comfortable.

- This is stupid. - And now I'm going to dim the lights, and let the stars...

- come out. - Whoopee...

Here we see the constellation called the Big Dipper.

If I project the drawing of a big dipper on top of it,

we see where the constillation gets its name.

These stars over here form the constellation of taurus, the bull.

While these stars form the constellation Roger Ebert.

And these two little stars over here form the constellation, the Crusades.

Now stars are actually made of hot gas.

Ah man screw this.

Now breath deep as the stars slowly start to move in little circles.

I know that you think plane-ariums are boring,

but I'm gonna try to change the way you think about that.

...love cheesy poofs, if we didn't eat cheesy poofs we'd be lame.

That was great Tommy. Tommy Fresc from Tory Pines, he could be our winner.

Excuse me but I do believe that sucked ass.

- Oh, and what's your name, little boy? - Eric Cartman.

Alright here's Eric Cartman giving it a shot.

Ahem... I love Cheesy Poofs, you love Cheesy Poofs, if we didn't eat Cheesy Poofs,

we'd be laaaameee!

I'm talking nightcourt in a thrift season laaameeahhh!

Ah drop sucker on that!

Well kids how did you like the planetarium?

- Oh man I don't feel so good. - Me neither, but I loved the planetarium.

- Me too! It was sweet! - Really? What did you like best about it?

- I don't know. I don't even remember what happened! - Wait a minute, where's Eric?

- I did it! I did it! - Did what?

- I got a callback for the cheesy poof song! -You snuck off and sang that stupid song?

- Yeah dude, but I got in the finals for tomorrow! - Goodbye children, thanks for visiting.

Don't forget we have laser rock shows tonight at the plane-arium.

This week is laser Kenny Logins and laser James Taylor.

- My head still feels funny. - Yeah me too.

You guys, when I'm doing that Cheesy Poof commercial,

I bet I get all the Cheesy Poofs I want.

- Like you really need it hippoass. - It's sad how jealous you are Kyle, it really is.

-Ahh dude! Who the hell are you? - My name is...

- Van Gather... - Van Gather? What the hell you doing on our bus?

Mr.Garrison there's some freaky kid from the planetarium on our bus!

Oh great then I guess we'll have to go back.

No! Don't go back! No!

- Hey be careful asshole! - Please don't take me back there!

- Can't...can't... - Alright dude, mellow out, geez.

We better get him to the nurse's office, stacked!

- Planetarium... - I'll give him a pain killer. That should calm him down.

No no no pain killer! I'll be ok!

Oh um ok, Van Galder, I'm counselor Mackey,

have you been smoking marijuna? Marijuana's bad, mmkay?

Must tell... the machine... the machine is eee...

Well I've never seen anything like this. What do you think Principal?

- Well whatever happened to him, happened at the planetarium. - Ahh planetarium!

I think tonight the planetarium's doing laser Logins, I might have to check it out.

- Oh man this is boring. - Yeah, who the heck finds this stuff interesting?

- Dude this is totally killer. - I hope this goes on for 7 months or something.

You will not remember what happens here. To remember it will cause incredible pain.

Incredible pain.

Incredible icky pain!

- Dude, I'm totally tripping... - Yeah, it's totally killer.

Today children we are going to learn about Japenese poems called haikus.

A haiku is just like a normal American poem except

that it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid.

For example... uh... Where's Eric Cartman?

- That's a haiku? - No I'm asking why Eric Cartman isn't at school.

- Was he on the school bus this morning? - No. - Fatass Cartman... was...

the school bus today... what a big fat turd.

Oh, very good haiku Kyle. Yes, haikus have five syllables, then seven, then five.

Kenny, can you give us another example?

When I get blowjobs... that I cum through discharging... that's the way to fuck.

- What's a discharge? - Mr.Garrison, since haikus suck so much ass,

- can we go back to the planitarium again? - Yeah I wanna go to the planetarium again too!

But you were just there, why do you wanna go again so soon?

- Yeah, why DO we wanna go again so soon? - I dunno. I just have this sudden urge to go back.

Well I guess we could go again since it's just down the street.

Well hello, it's all my little friends with all their little dreams.

- Eric, where have you been? - Let's see where have I been, where have I been...

- Where have you been Cartman? - Well I might have been over at the Cheesy Poof call back,

winning regional championship!

This is my regional championship certificate. Do you like it?

Hey, where's your regional champion certificate Clyde? Oh you don't have one?

Hmm, did you have a regional certificate Wendy? No? Apparently only I do!

Ass full of pork fat... jiggles like a jello mold...

- mouth is flapping too. - Your haiku insults have no affect on me Kyle.

- I'm regional champion. - Does that mean you're gonna be on that Cheesy Poof commercial?

It's between me and four other kids. I'm on my way now with my mom to the finals.

I bet you don't win... they don't let big fatasses...

- perform on TV. - Very good Kyle.

Shut your god damn mouth...

or else I'm gonna...kick you.... squa....in the balls...

asshole... ah damn it!

- Uh, how's he doing nurse? - He's stable. But I still can't get any information out of him.

- I'm gonna sedate him now. - No! No drugs!

- Drugs are good, mmkay. - Don't let them... no... planetarium...

- Why Van Gelder? - The machine is...ahh...

The machine is ahh? That's probably bad.

He's been talking about "the machine" for hours. That and Daisy Fuentes.

Why America's Funniest Home videos?? Why??

Uh there's only one way to get any sense out of him.

- We're gonna have to try a mind melt, mmkay. - A what?

Well it's an ancient technique handed down from school counselor to school counselor.

- I don't like to use it, but it may be our only hope. - Well what will you need?

Just time to prepare nurse. Just time....mmkay.

Well children, I'm so glad you came back to learn more.

They just begged to come back, I couldn't get them to shut up about it.

Well I'm sure we're gonna have a marvelous time, won't we children?