The Astronaut Farmer

Liftoff. We have a liftoff.

That's one small step for man...

...one giant leap for mankind.

Good morning, Sunshine.

- Is your sister awake? - I don't know where she is.

You look like you had a wild night.

- Well, good morning, Your Majesty. - Good morning.

This time, no circles on my pancakes.

Here we go. You guys are loopy in the morning.

- Good morning, ladies. - Good morning.

I don't know about all this free-range stuff.

I had a calf headed for California.

- There's circles on my pancake. - Eat your breakfast, please.

- I don't like Jupiter. - I'm sorry, honey.

It started out as Venus, and it grew.

- I'm not gonna eat it. - I'm not gonna eat it.

Girls.

You see, the planets are just not aligned.

- Is Shepard up yet? - No, I think he's still sleeping.

- Morning, sleepyhead. - Dad.

You got an e-mail from that weirdo at FuelFourU.

All right. I think we may have our fuel.

What do you think about this sweater for my dad?

- I'd divorce you. - Is it the color?

Why don't you buy him a new arc welder?

You want me to wrap that up, or should I just give it to you?

What makes you think your dad would wear a pink turtleneck?

The color is salmon.

That's the color on the inside of a salmon.

I don't even think a fish would wear that color on the outside.

Arc welder.

Here we are.

So is my favorite customer coming in?

Well, you gonna loan me a cup of coffee?

Depends on how you're gonna pay me back.

Oh, how's rocket man?

- He's fine, Frank. Fine. - We're taking bets.

Really? What are the odds?

The bet is your husband will never do it...

...or he's gonna blow himself up.

Nice.

Yeah, we're all gonna become rich on Farmer's failure.

What bet do you wanna cover?

Why don't you cover this, Frank?

This space suit will allow me to control...

...the climate and the pressure that you need to be in space.

It's kind of like having your own personal weather inside here.

Because in space, it's very, very cold.

Is there any questions?

Why don't you just put your hands down, and we'll just kind of wing it here.

- Start here in the front. You. - Did you buy it at Target?

No, I didn't buy it at Target.

Where did you get it?

Actually, someone was throwing it away, and I just picked it up.

Have you been to space?

No, not yet.

Stanley has been telling everyone about their daddy the astronaut.

We need more parents willing to play dress-up...

...to encourage the kids to activate their imaginations.

Yes, ma'am.

So many parents just resort to dressing up as clowns.

You've set a high standard with this costume.

Well, I appreciate that.

You have a good day.

FuelFourU?

Apollo 13?

You never know with these online screen names.

I really appreciate you coming out here.

Breakdown for you here.

Ten thousand pounds of fuel. Is this correct?

Yeah.

- You planning on launching a rocket? - Yeah.

- You're shitting me, right? - No.

- Something the matter? - Well...

...ten pounds, 20 pounds, maybe even a hundred, that's not a problem.

Ten thousand pounds, ten thousand problems.

- When do you need it? - What's the damage?

Fifty grand.

Cash.

You're delinquent on six mortgage payments already?

I don't know if you understand how close you are to a foreclosure.

I don't think you understand how close I am to launching.

Do you know how many times I've heard that?

Arnie, it's an emergency, okay?

Oh, do I know it's an emergen--

We probably have 15 emergencies written down right here.

Twenty. Twenty credit extensions. Who on earth gets 20?

I assumed more than half that debt from my dad.

And the bank assumes that you're gonna pay it back.

Can I give you some advice?

I have no money to pay for that advice, Arnie.

I don't wanna tell you how to run your business.

- Well, then don't. - But I have to...

...because I'm your friend first and a banker second, all right?

Now, folks around here, they think you're crazy.

I happen to think you're a genius.

You got bad credit, but you got great character...

...and that rocket ship of yours is amazing.

But as a friend, I have to look you in the eye and say that...

...I think it's time you give it a rest.

Bye, Arnold.

I need a payment, Farmer!

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention?

I'm going to the moon, and I'm bringing a balloon.

I'm going to the moon, and I'm bringing an oxygen tank.

- I believe you're going to the moon. - I'm going to the moon...

- ...and I'm bringing Mr. Grump. - No. But not on the table.

- You can't bring your hamster to the moon. - Yes, I can.

Yes, she can. I believe she's going to the moon.

I'm going to the moon, and I'm gonna bring sugar.

Hey, sweetie, the objective is to connect a common theme...

...based on what Daddy's bringing.

So I'm sorry, you can't go to the moon.

I never get to go.

Okay, my turn.

I'm going to the moon, and I'm bringing Sunshine.

Well, since she holds air, I believe we're all going to the moon.

- What is that button for, Daddy? - Oh, that button?

You girls better hang on. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

We're taking off! We're taking off!

Oh, here we are. We're in space.

Isn't it beautiful out there?

Okay, what's that button for?

- That one? - Yeah.

That's a very special button too.

That's the one that brings Daddy home.

We have to have that one, because if Daddy didn't have that button...

...I'd be up there for a long, long time.

Stanley, Sunshine, time for bed.

- Give me a hug, my angels. - Good night.

Good night. Good night, sweetheart.

See you in a little bit.

- Hey. - Hey, honey.

- How's it going? - Pretty good.

I just don't know if these gadgets are gonna work until I launch, you know.

You don't believe I'm gonna launch it, do you?

I always believe you're gonna launch the rocket.

- Someday. - Well, someday's coming fast.

- Charlie, it's so late. - I've been working, baby.

Charles, you didn't even take a shower. You smell like the rocket.

- You could've washed your hands. - I did. I washed my hands.

Look at this.

Look at that.

Honey, where's your w--?

Where's your wedding ring?

It's in the capsule somewhere.

- Oh, man, in the capsule somewhere. - Well, honey, I--

Well, it came off. I'll get it. Don't worry about it.

No, that's not a star. That's a shooting star.

How come you guys only eat the marshmallows?

- You don't like the cereal? - Tastes like wood.

Here, a whole spoonful of marshmallows.

Yeah, but one piece of a cereal.

One piece of a cereal. Okay, we gotta get that. Oh, there we go.

You know what you guys started me on?

I don't put milk on my cereal anymore, and it's your fault.

- I don't put milk on my cereal. - Oh, hey, honey.

Hey. Look who's here.

Hey. Whoa, easy, easy. Take it easy.

- I love you, Grandpa. - Go ahead, sweetie.

- Go say hi. - What are you feeding them?

- Hi, Grandpa. - Girls. My little tiny people.

Hey, Hal. How you feeling?

I'm actually feeling fine.

- Come sit down, Hal. Come on. - Here, Grandpa will walk you over, okay?

Boy, you've made real progress.

Yep.

It's gonna take a hell of a lot more than gunpowder...

...to get this particular aircraft in the air.

Yep.

I never knew it was this big.

Well, you got yourself some mighty pricey metal here, bud.

Yeah, well, you gotta have the good stuff.

I'd have more than a carpet burn on my ass if I didn't protect it.

Farmer?

Hey, Karl. How you doing, man?

I'm gonna need your autograph for this letter.

Goddamn, it certainly gets my attention.

- Appreciate it. I'll see you later, buddy. - See you.

What--?

- Farmer! - You want my house...

- ...I'll give it to you brick by brick. - It was procedure, Farmer.

I didn't have a choice.

The bank wouldn't stand for it a day longer, and neither would I.

You're way too overextended.

You're just a banker. A friend wouldn't do what you did.

If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't have sent it in. You got 30 days.

Open your eyes. Look at this as a wake-up call, because the dream is over.

It's gotta stop now, before you lose everything.

Farmer.

What's up, Chopper? How's your daddy?

Waiting for you. Want a ride?

No, it's all right. Follow me.

What'd you do, Arnie?

How much does he owe the bank, Arnold?

- Over 600,000 dollars. - 600,000 dollars?

He's dangerous. He threw a brick at me.

That's enough, Arnold. That's enough. Will the bank take an apology?

- Well? - I guess...