Full House

Trust me, Michelle. You are ready.

Okay. Come on down, you guys!

Everybody, come out in the living room. Hurry up!

We gotta do this right now.

Hurry up. Come on. We gotta do this right now.

'Okay, what?'

Michelle is ready for another try.

Freeze.

She's just gonna do it to us again.

No, she won't. I've been working with her all day.

Believe me, the kid is psyched.

Alright, let's give the little ankle-biter one more try.

- Come on, over here. - Here we go.

Come on, Michelle.

She did it again.

The kid's got a real mean streak.

First rule of rock 'n' roll.

Never cut a guy's power off when he's duck-walking.

I'm sorry. But it's time for your appointment.

And what appointment would this be?

Your haircut appointment with Mr. Stephanie.

Come on, Uncle Jesse. Let's play beauty parlor.

Well, Uncle Jesse doesn't wanna play beauty parlor.

Yes, he does.

- No, he doesn't. - Yes, he does.

- No, he doesn't. - Yes, he does.

Stephanie.

Now, listen you're six years old

you're in first grade

this phony crying routine and this lip motif

is not gonna work anymore.

- It's not? - No.

I knew this would happen someday.

Okay, forget beauty parlor.

How do you play beauty parlor?

Come to my salon!

Why am I such a sucker?

Because you love me.

I knew I had a good reason.

Hey, she's not finished yet.

Joey is going to look fabulous.

'Good God.'

Thank goodness you came to me when you did.

If you don't look good, I don't look good.

Joseph, I have two words for you.

"Pearl Earrings."

Hmm, those would look nice.

Next!

- Next. - Thank you, Josephina.

Toes up or you'll drip.

Okay, toes up or I'll drip.

Okay, I got it.

You're gonna need a weed whacker for that bush.

No, I won't.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

- Those are real scissors. - Yeah.

- Isn't this a pretend haircut? - Yeah.

Then where are the pretend scissors?

Mr. Stephanie does have other appointments.

Alright, alright. Just be very, very careful, Mr. Stephanie.

Because as we know, no one really cuts my hair

except for Alejandro.

So have you heard who Ms. Piggy's been dating lately?

Hey, Jess, would you mind watching the girls tonight?

I wanna try my Roger Rabbit impression at laugh machine.

Joey, it's Saturday night.

Oh, come on, Jess. Please.

Pretty please.

Be a sport. Be a pal. Be a chum.

I'll give you a big, wet kiss.

Oops.

"Oops" wa-wa-what "oops"? Wa-what does "oops" mean?

Hey, breakfast is ready. We're having pan... cuts.

I can't believe you did that.

What did you do?

Well..

Ha!

Have mercy.

Jesse.

I can't believe you did that.

She cut my hair.

I've been butchered.

Jesse, take it easy. It'll grow back.

- It's just hair. - No.

Your hair is just hair.

My hair... is in her hand.

I can't believe you did that.

Here, give me my hair back.

Maybe Alejandro can sow it back on.

Jesse, would you like me to pack it in some ice?

Maybe we can get Erik Estrada to be a hair donor.

Erik Estrada.

- I'm sorry, Uncle Jesse. - So am I.

I can't believe you did that.

I can't believe you're still saying that.

Stephanie.

I believe she did that.

Steph, what are you doing?

Punishing myself. I'm sorry, toys.

I don't deserve to play with you anymore.

Here, take Emily.

Goodbye, fun.

Honey, you don't have to do this.

Yes, I do. I'm too dumb to have toys.

And I don't deserve pillows

or blankets

or sheets too.

Steph, you don't wanna sleep on your mattress.

You'll wake up with those little

button marks all over your back.

Look..

You know, Uncle Jesse knows you didn't do it on purpose.

So, honey, there's no reason for you to feel bad.

Come on... let's go have breakfast.

I can't leave the room.

I've grounded myself till I'm 82.

You are not grounded.

I am your father and I am ordering you

to play with your toys.

Here.

Daddy, please don't make me have fun.

I'm sorry, honey, but someday

when you're a parent, you'll understand.

Now, come on, have fun.

Hot dog.

Michelle, don't do that.

'Michelle, don't do that.'

Michelle, okay.

Why don't we play a little game called..

Let's clean up our mess.

First, we're gonna put Mr. Magazine back

on Mr. Coffee table.

Can you do that?

Very good.

And now we're gonna do what daddy always does.

We're gonna put them in order neatly.

We're gonna put the biggest magazine on the bottom

that'd be the "Rolling Stone," of course.

And now comes the tricky part

because "People Sports Illustrated"

and "Time," they're all the same size.

So, what do we do? We alphabetize.

Perfect.

And then on the very top sweetheart

goes the TV guide.

'Go ahead, honey.'

Put the TV guide on top.

The child is gifted.

Oh, Danny, don't turn this sweet, little innocent girl

into a compulsive, neurotic nut case

like oh.. Well, you, for example.

Okay, N-A-P. Let's go.

Now, while you're sleeping, don't wrinkle your pajamas.

Dad, we finished the dishes.

I stacked saucers on the salad plates

the salad plates on the dinner plates

and the glasses by color and size.

Good work, girls.

Daddy, I've tried really hard to have fun.

Now can I please go back to being sad?

Steph, you're being much too hard on yourself.

It was just a little chunk of Uncle Jesse's hair.

Not even a chunk, it was a chunkette.

Hi. Come on in, Jesse.

- Uncle Jesse, what happened? - Jesse, what happened?

- Tell us what's going on. - I started...

Wait, wait. Wait. Okay, what happened?

I'll tell you exactly what happened.

Thanks to Mr. Stephanie's pretend haircut.

'I was forced to get a real one.'

Which I hate!

After that, I hopped on my Harley

and raced out of the parking lot.

Guess I was so upset I failed to see that