Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Help! Me house is on fire! Me house is on fire!

Call the fire brigade!

Don't worry. Come along. Hurry up. Hurry up.

Well done, lads!

Fill 'em up!

Pass the buckets!

There must be another way of doing the credits.

That's right!

Every time they make a Robin Hood movie, they burn our village down.

Leave us alone, Mel Brooks!

Yeah.

- Yo, yo, yo! - Check it out.

Ow! Ow!

Ah, hello, hello!

Welcome, welcome to le dungeon!

Hello, I'm Falafel, maître d' dungeon.

Please allow me to show you to your cell. Come.

Duck.

I always forget about that.

I'm so sorry, but we cannot seat you without the proper attire.

See?

Irving.

Help me.

Ah! That's much better.

And now I leave you in the capable hands of Muktar.

He's our head guard.

Please, it's better you cooperate with him.

He's a tough guy.

And if there's anything you require, please don't hesitate to scream.

Coming!

We're so busy!

Follow me!

Please sit.

Robin of Loxley, where is your king?

King? King?

And which king might that be?

King Richard, King Louis, King Kong?

Larry King?

Impertinent English dog! You shall talk.

I don't think so.

Chuchim, please,

the tongue looseners.

Speak, you dog.

Speak! Uh-uh.

Ooh!

What did he say?

You don't wanna know.

You very brave for a not-at-homeboy.

Oh, thank you.

I've been in this place for a while. Perhaps I can be of some service to you.

- Do you have any questions? - What are you in for?

- Jaywalking. - Oh. I see.

It's not gonna be easy getting out of here.

What we need is a great feat of strength.

Feat of strength?

Au contraire!

Now that you are here with me, what we have is great strength of feet!

- Don't follow. - Do as I do.

Put your feet on the bar, both feet.

Now, on the count of kick...

Kick! Ha-ha!

- What was that noise? - Uh, noise? Noise?

Uh— Uh, uh, uh, uh-

The noise you heard was the breaking of this poor man's heart.

Yes, that's it! Ohh!

- What? - He's decided to save his life by betraying his king.

- Tsk, tsk, tsk. - Oh, yes, that's it.

Oh, damn my eyes.

So go. Go tell your superiors before he changes his mind.

Oh, by the love of Allah, this is a wonderful thing!

Go.

It will mean a big promotion for me.

Go!

Good news is always rewarded!

Please go.

On the other hand-

bad news is severely punished.

Aah!

Now is our chance.

Quick, follow me!

You get that chain, I'll get this one. Righto!

We're free!

We're free! We're going home!

Move out of the way!

Come on. Take my hand.

All right, on the count of three!

One, two, three!

I just told them the good news, and-

and-

and I'm in deep shit.

It is a very long journey from Africa to England, my friend.

Well.

I owe you a great debt of gratitude, my friend.

I am called Robin of Loxley.

My name is Asneeze, father of Ahchoo.

Bless you. No, no, no, no, no.

Ahchoo is my son. He's in England, your country.

He's an exchange student.

I'd like you to look after him.

He's in need of guidance. He is headstrong and cocksure.

Or is it the other way around?

Say no more. I vow on the sacred word of Loxley,

I give you my undying pledge, my solemn oath...

on my father's honor, on the blood of my heart,

on the word of my soul-Good.

On the very center of my being, that nothing shall...

You must go now, or you will miss the tide.

Yes, yes. Well, farewell, my friend.

And not to worry. I'll find Ahchoo.

Good-bye, my friend. Farewell.

Safe journey!

Home! Home!

England! Ahh!

Mmm! Mwah!

Oh, a horse. A horse. My kingdom for a horse.

Get him!

Hold him.

Ahchoo?

Bless you!

Man, I hope someone's getting a video of this thing.

Damn!

That must be him.

Watch my back!

Your back just got punched twice.

Thank you.

Hey, thanks, man. You're welcome.

Who are you anyway?

I think now is not the time for introductions.

Time out!

Excuse me, bad guys. I am running out of air.

Gotta get pumped.

Huh? Huh?

Okay, honkies. Time in!

By the by, do you know praying mantis?

You're looking at him.

Let's get out of here!

Yeah, boy!

Go ahead, punk!

They're witches! They're mad!

They're possessed! They're crazy!

Good work. Thanks, man.

You haven't seen the last of us!

You've seen the last of us.

There she is, Loxley Hall,

home of my family for seven generations.

Let's go!

Move it! Come on. Let's go!

That's it, boys. Let's go. Move it.

That's it! Keep it going!

Keep it going!

Yes, come on, come on. Move it, move it.

Here we go. Stop the castle! Stop the castle!

You there! I demand to know what is going on here!

Read it and weep.

Hey, what up with that?

"Hear ye, hear ye.

"For failure to pay back taxes,

"all the lands, castle and properties of the family of Loxley...

"shall be taken in lieu of payment.

Signed, Prince John's royal accountant, H.M.R. Blockhead"?

This is a sham!

I vow here and now I will restore my castle to its rightful place.

Yeah, yeah. You vow, we move!

Let's go, boys! Take it out!

So long! Move it!

Keep it going! Come on!

That's a boy!

Blinkin?

Who's that? It's Blinkin.

Our family's loyal, blind servant.

I gotta get the horse, man. Good.

Blinkin! Uh, be right out.

Blinkin!

Master Robin, is that you? Yes!

Back from the Crusades? Yes!

And alive? Yes.

Oh, happy day!

I'm quite sure there was a door there.

Master Robin!

You lost your arms in battle.

How— How terrible!

But you grew some nice boobs.

Blinkin, I'm over here.

Oh. Uh, later.

Blinkin, listen to me. They've taken the castle.

I thought it felt a bit drafty.

Ohh!

This never would have happened if your father was alive.

He's dead?

Yes.

And my mother? She died of pneumonia whilst...

Oh, you were away!

My brothers? They were all killed by the plague.