The Big Bang Theory

Hey, have you ever heard of the Van Nuys Comic-Con?

‭Yeah.

It's a dinky little convention where they sell collectibles

and get sad D-list celebrities to appear. Why?

I got asked to sign autographs there.

That's awesome!

Is this for Serial Ape-ist?

Well, it could be for the monkey movie.

It could be my hemorrhoid commercial.

The list does not go on.

- When is it? - It doesn't matter.

I'm not doing it.

What? Why not?

You just said yourself, it's sad.

Yeah, but it's not pathetic.

That's where I draw the line.

Come on! We'll have fun.

I don't know.

You'll have nerds fawning all over you.

If you don't love that, this marriage is in trouble.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to meet some fans

and make a little extra money.

Yeah.

Wow! An appearance by George Lucas...

...'s dermatologist.

- Oh, I want that autograph. - Oh, yeah.

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

You know, with us living together, maybe we could

think about having people over.

We have people over all the time.

We have the maintenance people, the pizza delivery man...

...that UPS driver who feels the need to ask

how parts of me are hanging.

You know what I meant.

All right, fine.

Let's say that

we were to entertain people.

What type of gathering did you have in mind?

Huh? A meal? Lunch?

Brunch? Dinner?

Afternoon tea? A formal tea? Hmm?

Is it a party? And if so, what kind of party?

Is it a cocktail party?

A Tupperware party?

Ooh, yeah-- is it a surprise party?

Oh, I hope it's not

a West Coast party, 'cause according to

the man on the radio, a West Coast party don't stop.

I'm sorry I mentioned it.

Oh, don't be. You get your hopes up,

I knock them down. That's called teamwork.

That's a kick.

That's an actual kick.

What are you doing?

I felt a kick.

There's a baby in there.

Oh, yeah, that's where I put it.

Oh, I mean, I know you're pregnant.

I just...

never connected the idea of pregnancy

and you actually having a baby.

Which MIT did you go to?

Oh, God, we are not ready to have an infant in this house!

We don't have a crib, we don't have diapers.

We're not baby-proofed.

Anyone can just walk in off the street and lift our toilet lids!

Howie, we have time to do all that stuff.

Do we?

Look at you.

Willy Wonka would roll you to the juicing room.

The next person kicking you will be me.

Good night.

Are we even in a good school...?

Ow!

I warned you, and I did it.

What's all this?

Oh, everything we need for your autograph session--

head shots, markers. Okay.

Leonard, it's sweet you're excited about this,

but it'll be a miracle if one person asks for my autograph.

Are you kidding?

I once paid $20 for Theo Sassler's signature.

- Who's that? - Oh, I don't even know.

I just liked his name. Theo Sassler!

Oh, and look at this.

I even got a change maker.

How much change you want, little lady?

Oh, there's so much I want to change.

Yeah, well, if it's a dollar, you're in luck.

What's going on here?

You expressed an interest in having people over,

and I feel I dismissed it too quickly.

So, I took matters

into my own hands, and I arranged a brunch.

Well, that's so nice.

Who's coming?

Oh, uh, Stuart, Bert from the geology lab,

and Mrs. Petrescu from downstairs.

You mean the Romanian lady on the second floor?

Yes.

Oh, fun story:

she grew up with ten siblings.

Or possibly penguins. Her English is atrocious.

That's an odd mix of people.

Well, for our first time hosting,

I thought it would be wise to conduct a trial run.

You know, like how I practiced

for that Halloween haunted house

by going into the bathroom at the bus station.

You never went into that haunted house.

You never saw what jumped out at me at the bus station.

Well, thank you, Sheldon.

This is a fun surprise.

Oh. Well, the real surprise is

how surprised you are that I'm great at surprises.

Well, that's not a surprise at all.

I mean, if I knew you were good at surprises,

I would have expected the surprise,

and therefore not have been surprised.

But as it is, I didn't know,

and therefore my surprise should be unsurprising.

Don't get me all randy. Guests are on the way.

Hi.

Hey, where you been?

Oh, we went and did a little shopping for the baby.

Wait till you see the crib we found.

You bought a crib without me?

You're gonna love it. Yeah.

It's the highest rated one on the market.

I wouldn't even call it a crib.

I'd call it a Fortress of Solitude for babies.

Sounds expensive.

Okay, well, I may have gone

a bit overboard, but you can't put a price on safety.

Though if you did, it's more zeroes than you're expecting.

But it's the safest crib you can buy.

And if you don't like it, we can return it.

Fine. In our new minivan.

Hey, what's for lunch?

You bought a minivan?!

It's for the baby, and I didn't buy it.

The dealer loaned it to me

for a 24-hour test drive.

Though we did ding up the back pretty good with the crib,

so you might have bought a minivan.

I don't want to drive that. It's such a mom car.

The guy at the dealership said

they're not just for moms anymore.

Then again,

he did think you were my husband.

They thought it at the ultrasound.

Why not at the car dealership?

Never been on this side of the table before.

I feel powerful.

Really?

I feel like I'm selling candy so our team can get new uniforms.

Okay, so it's $4.75 for a signed black-and-white

and $9.95 for a color.

Right. Why not five and ten bucks?

Well, I brought my moneymaker. Let me shake it.

Hey, that guy's looking over here.

Oh. You think he's your first autograph?

I don't know. Be cool. He's coming. He's coming.

- Hi! - Hi.

I love your movie.

Well, thanks.

It has got to be one of the worst things

I've ever seen in my life.

Your love confuses me.

Would you like an autograph?

Sure.

Okay. Who do I make it out to?

Daniel.

- Okay. - I have to ask.

Were you trying to be that bad,

or are you just a terrible actress?

That did not clear things up.

That'll be $4.75.

Keep the change.

But I... Oh.

Nothing about that was good.

Mm-mm.

There's nothing to be afraid of, Sheldon.

The average cork speed is 25 miles per hour.

If that is too fast around a school,

it is certainly too fast around a kitchen.

Been 15 minutes. Just sayin'.

Okay. I can do this.

Just give me a moment...

Oh!

Mimosas coming up.

I once left orange juice in my fridge so long,

it tasted like a mimosa.

How old was it?

It's hard to say.

I don't remember much after I drank it.

Would you like one, Mrs. Petrescu?

Yes. Drink is fun and good friends-- Applebee's.

She's learning English from TV.

TV, good. Now back to you.