The Reluctant Astronaut

Gemini to ground control. Reading you loud and clear.

Liftoff smooth. Ready for checklist.

Fuel is go, 1.2 "G" cabin, 14 P.S.I.

Oxygen is go. Telemetry is go. All systems go.

Thank you. Thank you.

Control! Control!

I have a red on meteorite warning. Meteorite warning!

Meteorite!

We are now passing through a meteorite field.

You will undoubtedly hear small meteorites peppering the outer skin of the capsule.

Small meteorites are peppering the outer skin of the capsule!

Meteorites! Meteorites!

Meteorite light off. Nothing to be afraid of, kids.

We are now passing over the Hawaiian Islands.

Our flight plan will carry us to the recovery area 100 miles southeast of the Bahamas.

We are starting our retrorocket countdown.

Five, four...

three, two, one.

- Firing retrorockets-rockets. -

We will be touching down in 20 minutes.

I have to go to the bathroom. We have just touched down.

Everybody, out. Mary first. Come on, Mary.

Bye, Mr. Spaceman. Okay, bye.

Bye, Mr. Spaceman.

He can't stand heights.

I enjoyed the ride, Mr. Spaceman.

You got me? Gotcha. Gotcha.

Easy. Easy. Steady, now.

One more step.

Atta boy. Now, you're on the ground.

I'll be back in a minute, Ned.

Bye, and thank you, Mr. Spaceman.

Oh, anytime, honey.

Hi, Ellie. Hi, Roy. How's it goin'?

Oh, I had to cut the orbit short. A personnel problem.

I know. I helped her with her buttons. Ah, well.

How's everything in the soft drink game?

Fine. Oh, that's cold.

Cold hands, warm heart.

You, uh-- You're lookin' mighty pretty today, Ellie.

Thank you, Roy.

Beauty is as beauty does.

You got that look in your eye again. What look?

That crazy basset hound look.

Well, flattery'll get you everywhere.

Oh, Roy.

Guess what, Ellie? Hmm?

A bunch of us were standin' around the corner...

in front of the drug store last night, and guess what?

- What? - Well, a lot of 'em were sayin' that it's...

gettin' kinda obvious that... I got a crush on you.

Oh, Roy, would you hand me that scouring pad, please?

Sigmund Crane said I'd crawl a mile over broken glass just to get a kiss from you.

Sigmund Crane drinks too much.

Well, even so...

"I think that I shall never see...

a poem so lovely as a tree, a tree that--"

Roy, when you're trying to be romantic, you don't recite poems about trees.

Excuse me while I throw out the trash.

Scouring pad.

To each his own. Got another load, Roy.

Smart aleck.

Uh, listen, Ellie, I gotta go. Will you please go out with me tonight?

I can't really, Roy. Oh, come on, I've been askin' you for months.

Well, I-- It's Saturday night. We'll make a big evening out of it.

First, we have dinner right here. Then we take a little walk through the park.

And then over to your place and watch that George Raft movie on television.

Let's go, Roy! What do you say, Ellie? It's Saturday night.

I've gotta stay late tonight and take inventory. I'll come by here.

All right, Roy.

Until tonight, cherie.

Everything A-Okay, crew? Yes, Mr. Spaceman.

Okay, board the spacecraft. Be careful.

Roy! Roy! You're wanted on the telephone.

I'll be right back, Ned.

It's your mother. She sounds excited.

Hello? Hello!

Hello, Ma? Yes, well--

Right away? We're right in the middle--

Well, what?-- Okay, I'll be home right away.

Bye, bye.

I'll see you later, Ellie.

I gotta get home right away. Take over, will ya, Ned? Check.

Oww, Suzie!

Oh, Royal! Oh, Royal, your father has really done it this time.

What'd he do? Roy, sit down.

You better brace yourself. What? What is it?

You remember when your father sent that application into the government?

You mean the one for me to be an astronaut?

We don't have to worry about that.

We have to worry about it now, Roy, because they have accepted you.

What? It says so right there.

It says that they have accepted you as a WB-1074.

Your father took one look at that and then he ran outdoors...

and he's telling everybody in town about it.

An astronaut?

Me? An astronaut? I can't even get up on the chair to get the marmalade.

- Oh, my poor boy. - Why is Pa always tryin' to run my life?

Well, after all, he was a corporal in World War I and you know how bossy they were.

But, Ma, that war's been over for ages.

Not to your father. He loves that war as much today as he did then.

An astronaut?

Me? An astronaut?

Oh, I should've studied up more on fear of heights and things when you were young.

I'm so tired of Pa thinkin' he's still in the army and orderin' me around.

Burt Lancaster was terribly afraid of the water...

and today, he is a movie star.

Look, Ma, I'm 35 years old!

Okay, so I do live at home. I still don't have to do everything he tells me!

Burt was the most unforgettable character that month.

Well, I'll tell you something right now, Ma! I've had it! H-A-D, had it!

And the minute he comes in that door, I'm gonna tell him, "No soap! I'm not goin'!"

Hi, Mother. Roy!

Roy! Roy! Roy.

Roy, ya made it, boy! Ya made it!

My boy, an astronaut.

Hey, the whole town knows it, Roy. Your name is on every tongue in town.

They're all sayin' it: "Buck Fleming's boy, astronaut!"

Royal has something to tell you, Arbuckle.

Oh, yeah, that's right, Pa, I do. Well, shoot.

Well, maybe you better sit down. Ah.

Go ahead, Roy. Get it off your chest.

Well, Pa-- Ya know, I stopped by the paper. Gave them the whole story.

Pa, you're not listenin'. Huh?

I hate to tell you this, but most of the time when I talk to you, you don't listen.

I don't listen? Got something you wanna tell me right now? Yeah, I have!

Well, go ahead. I'm listenin' to every word.

Well, okay, now, I-it's like this.

Now, it isn't because I don't love you, because I do.

You heard that, Mother?

And that's what makes it all the harder to tell you.

Now, you see, I'm not really cut out for this astronaut thing...

because in the first place, I've always had a fear of heights...

and to tell you the truth, I don't think you've ever been aware of that.

The boy loves his father. You heard him say that?

- Yes, I did Arbuckle. - Mother, please!

Pa, I know how proud you are and I know what all this means--

Hello-oo. Plank? Plank. Plank.

Yeah, isn't that somethin'? My boy, an astronaut.

Yeah, he leaves tomorrow. Hey, why don't you come over after supper. We'll celebrate.

Right. That was Plank Woodman.

He's comin' over later. We'll have a little nip and celebrate.

Let me say what I have to say! Say away, boy.

Well--

Hello. Rush. Rush! Yeah, isn't he somethin'?

Well, he's right here now. We're havin' a real heart-to-heart talk.

Rush says, "Congrats."

Right. Why don't ya come over later?

We'll celebrate. Right. Go ahead, boy.

Now, look, Pa. I think it's time we faced the fact that I'm 35 years old...

and I have a say in my own life!

Hello! Uh-- It's for you, Mother.

Mother, for pete's sake, is that all you do, talk on the phone?

Now, doggone it! I can never say what I wanna say! Now, Roy.

No, now I'm gonna say it! You're getting all keyed up. You need a nap.

No, I don't need a nap! Ten-hut!

Right face! Forward, march!

Hut, two, three, four! Column, left, march!

Pa, I'm 35 years old.

Hi, Pa. Come on in and see the boys.

I got a date, Pa. Come on. Come on.

Roy! Roy!

Congratulations. A-Okay, there.

The boy's got a date. Who's the lucky dame?

Oh, Ellie Jackson. The hot dog girl, huh?

Say, she's quite a dish. Too bad you didn't come in for a haircut, Roy.

I've been kinda busy, Bert. We're doggone proud of you.

You should be. Roy, do us a countdown.

Huh? Do us a countdown!

Come on, Roy, just this once. Come on.

Please, Roy, just one time?

Well--

Five, four...

three, two, one.

Aw, terrific!

A toast! You do the honors, Rush. Give us one of your good ones.

To Roy Fleming: a credit to his town...

to his father, to his nation...

and now, the entire universe!

Hear, hear.

Hear, hear.

[ Clears Throat ] Well, I--

I guess I better be goin'.

I can't keep the little lady waitin'.

Kiss the girls and make 'em cry, boy. Love 'em and leave 'em.

Bye, don't worry. Roy! Boys.

To the next man to die.

Hi, Ellie. Roy. Oh, I forgot all about you.

My mother called and I think she's got the flu. I'm gonna have to rush home.

That's a shame. Have you heard?

Heard what? Oh, what time does the drug store close?

Oh, 7:00 or 8:00 or around there. But you mean you really haven't heard?