Warning

Ground control to David.

Please provide a status update on the meters.

Um, I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at?

You know, I'm just a maintenance technician, right?

For the entire galaxy.

You are categorized as low-level maintenance crew.

And when am I gonna get a... an android up here?

Are you feeling lonely?

I'm alone. I'm not lonely.

Anyway, robots are awful company.

I just... I don't like these spacewalks.

An android companion is not an approved expense.

Um, can you really put a value on human life?

You were registered at a cost of $500,000.

The android costs $40 million.

Please get us those readings STAT.

Humans on Earth are not handling

the recent surge in thunderstorms well.

Yeah, I got your readings right here all right.

- Warning! - Mayday. Mayday, mayday!

Warning! Warning! Warning! Warning!

Ground control, what the hell just happened?

- Warning! - Hey!

Warning!

Ground control, can you hear me? Hello!

Hello!

Christ!

A lot of them are strays, or turned in by owners

who can't take care of them anymore.

I need one that has some wine knowledge and won't spill.

My mom's a bit particular.

What about these two?

This one is Charlie.

He's a fully operational companion robot.

He served as an excellent end of life caretaker for elders.

- He's great. - Hm.

- Is his outfit changeable? - Yeah, sure, yeah.

Do you want to get to know Charlie in the meeting zone?

Hm, okay, yeah.

I'm super easygoing.

Comfortable with any conversation topic.

You can't shock me, hm?

I can say "one more beer" in over 48 languages.

Take me on holiday.

You're in for a real treat.

Can he clean pools?

Actually, Charlie is a little sensitive with water.

Oh, come on, Brian, I bet you're no mermaid either.

I am great at doing the dead-man float.

Am I right?

Uh, no. Can I please meet the other one?

Let's take this outside.

So, so, you like wine?

Uh, my mom does.

Okay, listen to this.

What did the grape say when it was being stepped on?

- Uh, I don't know? - Nothing.

He just let out a little wine.

Huh? Am I right?

Am I right?

- What did she say about me, huh? - It's a hard pass, Charlie.

It was the dead-man float shtick, huh?

- A little too dark, wasn't I? -

I don't think she's your type of crowd.

You weren't made for young ones like that.

I'm like a fine wine...

- complex but very, very fruity. - Yeah.

That should be plenty enough walking.

Okay, it's bedtime, Charlie.

I need to go get some rest.

Okay.

Close your eyes, Charlie.

- -

He can cook. He makes amazing desserts.

He's great at small household tasks.

No, no, he can't fix electrical equipment.

He's an older model, he will fry.

But he's amazing.

No, I understand.

We'll call you if we get one of those.

Yeah.

I see here you said to not call, my bad.

Have a nice even...

Asshole.

Eva, engage thrusters.

- Thrusters damaged. - Eva, engage thrusters.

- Thrusters damaged. - Eva?

Ground control, talk to me.

Connection stream interrupted.

- Connection stream interrupted. -

Repeat that, please.

- Repeat. - Lost connection with com center.

What do I do? What's the protocol?

Lost-lost-lost... Lost connection...

Lost connection with com center.

- Sorry, repeat. Repeat... - Lost connection with com center.

- Lost connection with com center. - Fuck.

- - Good morning, Claire.

Can I please have my daily inspirational quote?

Of course, Claire. Today's inspiration is...

"The best preparation for tomorrow

is doing your best today."

I like that.

Thank you, God.

Claire, I'm changing the music.

This is not conducive to spiritual growth.

Okay, thank you.

You're welcome.

Hi, my name is Chad. I'm 24 years old,

I love sports...

Hi, I'm Lauren,

and my best qualities are not on the outside.

Sinners.

- I keep having bad thoughts. -

And what are they, Clair?

I feel envious of Sarah, and so I keep fantasizing

about her husband cheating on her

and then she has to come home and she goes crazy.

Envy is the art of counting another's blessings instead of your own.

What are my blessings, God?

Um, my love for you, and your wallpaper.

- -

Claire, I heard that.

Uh, heard what?

You hit a car.

No, I didn't.

Lying. One sin recorded.

How many sins have I committed this month?

You are at nine venial sins this month.

At ten sins, you will be charged $25.99 per venial sin.

Can I just remove the last sin?

To remove the most recent sin, here are your options:

One, take responsibility.

End of options.

Okay.

- -

Thanks, God.

You're welcome, Claire.

New update available.

New features... future foresight,

communication with up to seven deceased relatives and wireless compatibility.

To update overnight, say "yes" at the tone.

- - Yes.

So, Brian, you gonna buy me dinner first,

or we just gonna get right to it?

Charlie, tell me, what do you know about sex? Huh?

It's the motion of the ocean that matters the most.

Am I right?

- Yeah, you're right. -

Are we doing a full body scan again?

- We did one last week. - Yeah, just one more.

Is it because of my highbrow sense of humor

that's upsetting people?

Everyone's getting checked again before the holidays.

Right. The holidays.

You spending them with someone special?

No, not really.

You know, you should just spend them here.

I'm great company.

Yeah, you're right. That does sound nice, actually.

Would it be too much trouble to dress up as Santa Claus?

Whatever you want, Charlie.

- Let me help you. - Oh, come on, Brian.

I never had Santa as a child.

- You never were a child. - Oh, good point.

Am I doing something wrong, Brian?

You're doing everything wrong.

Don't hold back.

I'm serious, though.

I've been in this place for two months to the day.

I've never met anybody that was here past the two-month mark.

You know, it would be nice

if somebody young took me home that got me.

You know, like you.

You can do much better than me.

Better?

I don't wanna seem needy, Brian.

But we get along great. You're my friend.

Trust me, you can do better.

You're my friend, though, right?

Of course, Charlie, I'm your friend.

Good.

Okay, lie down.

We have this new machine.

So lie down.

And you need to close your eyes.

Okay.

Can you play some music?

Sure.

Can you turn it up a bit? I love that song.

Sure, buddy.