South Park

Captioning made possible by Comedy central

* i'm going down To south park *

* gonna have Myself a time *

* friendly faces Everywhere *

* humble folks Without temptation *

* going down To south park *

* gonna leave my Woes behind *

* ample parking Day or night *

* people spouting "howdy neighbor" *

* headed on up To south park *

* gonna see if I can't unwind *

* so come on down To south park *

* and meet some Friends of mine **

Ladies and gentlemen,

Give it up for jimmy !

Thank you.

Wow ! What a terrific audience.

I know what most of you Are thinking...

"hey, that guy Stole my shoes."

Wow, what a great audience.

And how about This michael jackson guy, huh ?

I mean, come on.

Wow, what A great audience.

Uh...

Lights please ?

Hey, jimmy.

Butters, Where is everybody ?

Oh yeah, Well, about that.

Christopher reeve came to town To do some kind of show

And everyone Went to seehim.

Christopher reeve ?

Christopher reeve !

You know, Christopher reeve,

The guy Who played superman.

I know who he is,

But why is everyone ditching My comedy show to see him ?

Well, because He got crippled

But now he can Move his finger.

He's an inspiration To us all.

That's why everyone Ditched on your show.

So then how come You came ?

Well, because I said i would.

Aw, i'm a dork, huh ?

And so Without further ado,

Here is the most courageous, Most amazing man on the planet:

Christopher reeve.

Thank you, thank you, Wow, what a great audience.

I just flew Into south park.

Used to be i didn't Need an airplane !

Awww !

As most of you know...

I am a strong supporter of Stem-cell research.

Say, fellas,

Thanks a lot for Going to my comedy show !

We didn't go To your comedy show.

I know that !

I was being fac-- Fac-- facetious !

Well, dude, Christopher reeve, dude.

Ooh, christopher reeve !

Whoop-dee Freakin' do !

Dude, That's not cool.

You shouldn't make fun Of christopher reeve.

Yeah, dude, Not cool.

Though it is Controversial...

Stem-cell research Is critical...

In the quest For helping...

The disabled.

I put together A comedy show

And i was crippled From birth !

Uh, guys, i think we better Stay out of this one.

Yeah, this is Starting to look like

Something we shouldn't Be any part of.

Let's go play With trucks or something.

Can you believe This asswipe, timmy ?

Timmy ! Why is a celebrity Who became crippled

More important than us that Were born that way, very much ?

Timmy !

In the coming days...

I will prove To the world

That stem-cell research Is a miracle.

Hey there, Fellas.

Oh hey, jimmy, Hey, timmy.

Say, would you guys Like to join our club ?

Oh, i'm sorry, you can't, You aren't crippled.

Heh heh, Ha, ha, ha.

What ?

To be in our club not only Do you have to be crippled,

But you have to have Been born that way.

You know what that means ?

No butthole-superman-asswipe Christopher reeve !

That's nice, guys.

We're just gonna Stay out of this one.

Hey, wait a minute, you guys Can't just start a club

And tell me I can't be in it !

Sorry, "able body" You can't join.

Can too !

Hey, timmy, how many Able-bodied people

Does it take to screw in A lightbulb ?

One !

You know what you call An able-bodied guy

On the doorstep ?

Whatever his name is.

Oh, goddammit !

Cartman, Just stay out of it.

But they say i can't Be in their club !

Cartman, trust me

We don't want Any part in this one.

Hello mr. Ma-- ma Magillicutty.

Hello, boys, what Can i do for you ?

Timmy and i have made a t-shirt Design for our new club.

We just came up With the name this morning !

Uh, boys i don't think you Want to wear these shirts.

Why not ?

Well, because There already is a group

That calls themselves The crips

And i don't think They'd like it too much.

There's already a crips ?

Well, sure,

They're all over Five-points area in denver,

You've never heard of them ?

No, we never have !

Are they crippled From birth

Or are they cripple wanna-bes Like christopher reeve ?

Ooh, i am staying out Of this one.

Can you believe it, Timmy ?

All this time There was a group

For truly crippled people Like ourselves

And we didn't know it !

Timmy !

Come on, We gotta take the bus

To five points in denver !

My guest tonight Is the brilliant star

Of stage and screen, Mr. Christopher reeve,

Who, with the help Of stem-cell research,

Is now able to move His arms.

Thanks for having me On again, larry.

All right, chris, The whole world is waiting,

Why don't you show us what stem Cell research has done for you ?

Amazing.

Isn't that amazing, folks ?

Now, chris, there's Some people who say

Stem-cell research Is wrong,

That taking cells from A fetus is... Unethical.

Well, it just proves That the public

Needs to be Educated...

About stem-cell research.

See, the stem cells From a fetus like this one

Can form into whatever cells Of the body are damaged.

They are the most powerful thing On the planet.

And now how does Someone like yourself

Make use Of the stem cells ?

Well, it's very simple.

And now you can see My arms have better movement.

Wow-- wow !

Excuse me, sir,

We're looking for a group of People called "the crips".

You are ?

Do you know Where they meet ?

We've already tried The rec center and the library.

The crips hang out In that old warehouse Down there.

But nobody goes in there.

Oh, it's okay, We're crips ourselves.

Come on, Tim, tim !

Timmy !

Well, hello everyone !

I'm jim swanson and This is my friend, timmy.

Timmy !

Uh... Timmy !

Well, let us tell you A little about ourselves.

Timmy and i are both True crips, born and raised.

We're the only crips in South park, where we live,

And would love to join Your fantastic denver chapter.

Is they for real, man ?

We just have one question Before we join your club.

Do you think it's better To be born a crip,

Or to become a crip Later by accident ?

The only real crips Was born crips, dawg !

Yeah, you can't become A crip by accident, fool !

I agree.

I mean, it's like come on, Why do all these people

Who become crips later in life

Think they have Such great potatoes ?

Timmy !

We're glad you see it Our way, fellas.

So can we Join your group ?

All right, you wanna thug With the five-points crips ?

Bitches, all you Gotta do is

Pop some Punk-ass bloods.

Well, sure, tim and i would love To pop some punk-ass bloods.

We're terrific at it.

Timmy ?

I don't know, timmy, Just play along.

Timmy !

So you saying, You're down ?

Down like A clown, charlie br--

Down like a clown, Charlie brrr--

Down like a clown, Charlie bah, bah--

Down like a clown, Charlie b-brown.

* kickin' it with A nigga *

* why i have His wife for dinna' *