Two Can Play That Game

He didn't think you'd fall for that line.

Girl, I don't believe him. Oh, he's a dog. Mm-hm.

Tail-having, anything-that-moves- humping-ass dog.

You need to kick him to the curb.

Oh, no, no. Don't cry, Karen.

Karen. Don't move, sweetie. I'll be right there.

Men are so full of it.

Give a brother a break, treat him with trust,

and he'll screw you around.

Sorry I'm pissed off now, but my best friend is having man trouble.

Miss Smith, Tracey Johnson's on line 2.

I'm in a meeting, but I'll be there in an hour.

Tracey. Another one of my girlfriends. Man trouble too.

Seems like every woman I know has man trouble.

Have you noticed around spring men start to act up a bit?

Mm-hm. They do.

They don't act up in the Winter. They want that indoor activity. Mm-hm.

But as soon as the season breaks, they show their asses.

It's true. It happens every year around Spring, the breakup season.

The time when women wear miniskirts and skimpy clothes,

letting their stuff hang out, causing men to lose their mind.

Spring is when I have to counsel all my girlfriends

on how to keep their no-good, unable-to-say-no men in line.

Amazing what a little warm weather can do.

Jason, sweetie, clear my schedule for today.

[CARL CARLTON'S "SHE'S A BAD MAMA JAMA" PLAYING]

Oh, hello, yellow. That's stunning, girl.

Any emergencies, call my cell. I always will.

Nice.

Men are so predictable.

Hey, girl.

Jason knows where to find me.

Morning, Miss Smith.

What is it about men and big booties?

Thanks, Jose.

Like my house? Not bad for a girl from Compton, huh?

By the way, I'm Shanté Smith,

senior ad executive at Parker and Long.

And if you haven't noticed, I'm a sister.

An educated, strong sister

who knows where she's from and where she's going.

But let me ask you a question: Why can't men act right? Hm?

Don't they know that

women would gladly give them the respect they needed?

But because they show their asses, we gots to check them.

Take my girlfriend Karen for instance.

She's been staying with me for a few days.

Hopeless case.

There's nothing to it if we don't.

Forget about invitations. Let's get married tonight!

See what I mean?

Are you still in your p.j.'s? Baby, it's 11:30.

I know.

You feeling better? A little.

Good. How about this? Bam!

Oh! Chrysanthemums.

Your favorite. You know you're my girl.

I got your back.

What's the matter?

Michael used to give me chrysanthemums.

I miss him.

Oh, no. Now, come here. Come here.

This really saddens me.

Karen's a top executive at a big engineering firm.

Michael! Oh, Lord Jesus.

SHANTÉ: The youngest executive in the company.

Black, white, male, female, she's the youngest.

Strong, sharp, very impressive.

One day after lunch, she meets this

scary-curl, Uncle Tom-looking, bucktooth brother.

So can you fix my car? Shit, I can fix anything.

She cut his hair, even straightened out his teeth.

You need anything else fixed up?

She's a down sister. She'll work with a brother.

Mike. Big Mike.

Big Mike?

What's your name? Karen.

Yes. Damn, you beautiful.

You make a brother wanna sing to you.

Brother was looking good.

He treated her like a queen. She gave him everything.

He was where he should be: Begging her to...

Marry me. Really?

Really. Marry me.

Everything was fine. Peachy-keen.

Then one day, he saw a mirror. Trouble.

He started thinking, "Hey..."

Looking kind of good. Come on.

Next thing you know he's acting up.

Acting like he's running things.

He moved in, the flowers stopped coming.

He started to show his ass.

Though he's not cheating,

it's been two years, and he hasn't mentioned marriage.

Suddenly, he's afraid of commitment,

giving her that old line.

I've been hurt, so I'm careful with my heart.

Please.

He was broke, with a Jheri-curl and crooked teeth.

Look. Can I get another beer? Yeah.

She's got choices. You know what I told her to do.

Right. Kick him to the curb.

It is time to move on, Karen.

Time to find a new man, learn how to cook.

I can cook. You can microwave.

Shanté.

It's time to learn a bit about sports too.

The way to a man's heart is through stomach and sports. Not your wallet.

All I tried to do was fix him up a little.

I know. Now, no more Michael. Eat.

A man is like a stray dog. You feed a stray dog one day

and if he comes back, you got him hooked.

Plus, a man's loving is better on a full stomach.

When's the last time you showered? Ooh.

Tracey's situation is different. Her man? Definitely cheating on her.

A sure sign of that is the constant roaming eyes.

Then he says:

Come on. I'm just looking. Nothing wrong with just looking.

Then comes that line:

I'm a man, ain't I?

No, you're a dog. You know what I told her to do?

Check him.

Finally, there's Diedre.

Two words describe Diedre: Ghetto fabulous.

Her man, double negative.

He has no job and no money, talking about...

Baby, lend me a C-note.

Hell no! Come on, baby.

You know I love you, girl. No! I'm sick about that shit now. No!

SHANTÉ: Somebody please tell her what she should do.

That's right. Kick his broke ass to the curb.

Miss Smith. How are you?

Fine, Cynthia. Is Keith in his meeting?

I'll let him know that you're here. Thanks.

Mr. Fenton, Miss Smith is here to see you. I will send her in.

He's just finishing. You can go in.

Thanks, Cynthia.

Is everybody clear what our agenda is?

Absolutely. Let's reconvene about 4:00?

This is a big deal, let's not leave anything to chance.

[MISSY ELLIOTT FEATURING DA BRAT'S "SOCK IT 2 ME" PLAYING]

Me? I don't have a problem with my man. He behaves very well.

Hey, baby.

Damn!

Don't be alarmed. Keith's my man. Oh!

This ain't none of your business. I'll be back.

Nothing like love in the afternoon.

You may be surprised I just did a little freaky drive-by.

But let me explain something.

Keith is my man and has been for a while.

[COMMON'S "THE LIGHT" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

It was a typical night out for us. We were looking good and acting bad.

There were lots of good-looking men.

Then he looked at me.

And for a second, everyone in the place disappeared.

He was fine. But there was something else.

That something that makes your head light.

Excuse me. Yes.

I'm gonna ask you some questions.

Ooh. Questions? Yeah, questions. All right.

If I'm right, all answers to these questions will be yes.

You think so? I think so.

Well, let's see.

Do you like chocolate? Yes.

Yes.

Do you think I find you attractive? Yeah.

If I were to kiss you right now, would you slap me?

Yes.

Don't you find me attractive?

Yes.

You look all right. I'm all right?

Would you like to dance? Yes.

Excuse me.

So you see? Keith is special.

You don't do that for everybody. Just your man.

If you forget everything, remember this:

Men want a woman in public and a freak in private.

If you disagree with that, then you don't know.

You better ask somebody.

Dog.

Keith! What? What?

What are you doing in here?

Open up the window, stuff flew all over my desk.

You opened the window?

Hey. You hit it, didn't you?

Oh, you's a dog! I ain't say I hit it.

I don't think I said that.

You got the look in your eyes.

Yeah, but I will say this. Mm-hm.

There's nothing you can ever say to make me leave that woman of mine.

She do got a fat ass.

Did you smack it?

[BIG TYMERS' "#1 STUNNA" PLAYING]

Conny Spalding.

Vice President of Marketing and a bona fide ho. Hey, Conny!

Hey, how you been? Fine. Where you headed?

To see your man. Is he there? He's there.

Let me go holler at that Negro. Okay. Bye, sweetie.

Bitch.

Every girl's got a bit of ho in them, but Conny's different.