South Park

Passengers said the carnival cruise line smelled like poop,

but that that was an improvement.

Alright, it's late.

I'm gonna call it a night.

You coming?

Oh ya know, I can't really sleep.

I'm just gonna stay up a bit. Have some me time.

Randy, do not watch that no-no channel.

I'm not staying up to do that, Sharon. Geez.

Alright, come to bed soon.

Man, that is hot.

Oh yeah.

Fuck.

Just look at that rack of ribs!

Now those were slow cooked and

then braised to bring out the smoky flavor.

God damn. Yeah!

See how that just falls off the bone?

That is money, right there.

Yeah, fucking money.

Next on food network it's Paula Dean!

Hey ya'll!

Tonight we're gonna be making some deep fried chicken.

Oh yeah?

My buttery whipped patatas

and we're gonna be finishing off with a chocolate pecan pie.

Oh fuck yeah.

Dad, what are you doing?

You're just in time!

Sit down, sit down!

I've made you all breakfast again!

Oh crap.

Now what I have for you is a nice goat cheese

and heirloom tomato frittata

and we're gonna top that with a little creme fraiche.

Oh yeah.

Randy, you've been watching that channel again, haven't you?

No!

Yes, because every time you watch cooking shows

you stay up all night trying to copy what they made!

Wul, I'm sorry if there's something wrong with me

helping out with the cooking!

You think you'd be grateful, Sharon.

I gotta get to work.

I cooked so you guys clean up.

Can I have a pop-tart?

Oh this is sweet.

I've seen this episode.

Hello and welcome to progressive.

Yes, we're looking to buy car insurance.

Well, you've come to the right place.

Oh dear!

I knew we should have gone to Geico.

Daddy time. It's daddy tv time.

Now just look at this pork tenderloin.

It is brined and ready for action.

Oh yeah, look at that.

Dad, you know mom doesn't want you watching food channels.

I've worked all day. I can watch what I want!

We're gonna take a stick of butter and just smear that all over.

Oh my God that's awesome.

Oh, oh yeah! Woa!

Now let's get that on the grill.

See what he's doing, Stan?

He brined that for an hour in the fridge

so now he can sear the shit out of it.

Look at the char we're getting.

That is what we're going for.

Oooh, isn't that hot guys?

Oh, yeah!

Don't you just...

don't you just wanna get in there!

We will be right back to good eats.

Hey ladies, are you looking for a better workout?

Aw, stupid commercials.

Introducing the shake weight.

A spring-loaded workout device you pump with your arms.

Just grab the piston and go to work

one-handed, or double-fisted.

Come on!

You just shake it back and forth.

It feels really good in my hands.

Best of all shake weight tells you when your workout is finished

by chiming, and releasing a cooldown spray.

Boring!

Order now and we'll include the optional heart rate monitor.

Just put your finger in the tester

and shake weight takes your pulse!

Get yours today!

Now back to good eats.

Just look at the glaze we got going now on that thing.

Oh man, yeah!

That is hot!

Alright. Now here's the really cool part!

What we're gonna do is...

this channel has been blocked by parental controls

channel blocked?

What the... what the hell?

Sharon, what are you doing?

Just using the parental controls to block some channels.

I wasn't watching food channels.

Then how do you know I blocked them.

I know, cuz... I don't know that!

That's what I'm saying!

Gaww!

Thanks for calling the food network hotline.

Billing is 9.95 for each 60-second period.

To accept, say 'creme fraiche'

creme fraiche.

Hi there, I'm Amanda.

What are you up to?

Oh hi.

I just thought I'd give the hotline a try.

What are... what are you doing?

I'm making a pan roasted chicken.

Pan roasted!

Like seared on the stove and then put in the oven?

Uh-huh.

I've just taken the chicken out of the pan.

It's so moist.

I'm gonna let it rest now, about five minutes.

Yeah?

Oh yeah.

Oho, there's lots of browned bits stuck to the bottom of the skillet.

You gonna deglaze that fucking pan?

Oh I'm going to deglaze it.

You wanna help me?

If I was there I would.

I'd take some, red wine,

about a quarter cup,

then get a wooden spoon.

And I'd deglaze the fuck out of that pan.

I gotta wooden spoon right here.

It's pretty hard.

Yeah, you gonna put some onion in while you're deglazing?

Was thinking about shallots actually.

Oh yeah, shallots won't overwhelm the chicken's natural flavors.

Fuck yeah.

Randy marsh!

Sharon!

Your time on food network hotline has expired.

To add more time say 'creme fraiche.'

I don't know what to do, Sheila.

It's like he's a different person.

Last night I walked in on him in the bathroom,

he was sitting on the toilet flambeing a pork chop.

Sharon, I'm so sorry.

It just makes me feel unwanted, you know?

I mean, am I not attractive anymore?

I mean, I don't exercise anymore at all.

Well, if it will make you feel better about yourself,

then workout, Sharon.

Like I have time to go to a gym every day.

There are plenty of things you can buy

to help you get a good workout at home.

Have you heard of the shake weight?

Help you find anything?

Yes I was interested in the shake weights.

Biggest seller the past four months!

What model are you looking at?

I didn't realize there were different models.

Well you got your standard, your deluxe.

Small to large sizes,

but if you're really looking for a workout

you might want to try the big Jim.

That woman over there is trying it out.

I think I'll start with the smaller, white ones.

Smaller white ones, yes, ma'am.

Standard or voice assist model?

Well, I don't know...

I would definitely recommend the voice assist.

It has recorded voice commands to help motivate you in your workout.

You are doing excellent!

Great work!

Now switch arms!

Wow! Good job!

You are amazing!

You are very attractive. And interesting.

Thank you, shake weight.

Come on now, almost finished!

Yes!

Good!

Almost done!

Keep going!

Keep going!

Harder!

Faster!

Your workout is finished!

Here is some cab fare.

Oh wow!

Now going to sleep mode.

You guys have no idea how much it sucks.

My dad is obsessed.

Every day it's booby flay this,

Gordon ramsay that.

This morning he was pretending to read playboy,

but he actually had a bon appetit magazine hidden inside it.

Well, hearing you bitch about your dad

all the time is super interesting, Stan.

I hope you do it the entire lunch period.