The Comeback Trail

Stop desecrating God's holy word!

One, two, three, four. God is what we're fighting for.

- This is not free speech. - Five, six, seven, eight.

- The Bible is what makes us great. - Boycott this movie.

- Make Hollywood stop irreverent filmmaking. -

God is love!

- -

I mean, I've never seen a line going down the block

in front of one of our films before.

It's a picket line, Uncle Max.

Well, you know, maybe the film is just ahead of its time.

You never know, Walter. I mean, when Igor Stravinsky's Rite of Spring first performed

at the Théâtre des Champs-Élysées in Paris,

people were so overwhelmed by its unique atonal qualities

that a fistfight erupted amongst the patrons.

What does that have to do with us?

Well, I'm just saying.

"The movie's excruciatingly bad taste can only be matched

by the ineptitude of its execution.

Truly the only good thing about this film is that

after 90 minutes, it's over."

I thought you said we got a good review.

That is a good review. They liked the end.

Blasphemy! You're the devil. The devil!

- Stop your exploitation. - Five, six, seven, eight.

The Bible is what makes us great.

Uncle Max, I've got to ask you something.

We've been at this a long time.

- So? - I don't know. Do you think maybe we should...

quit?

- I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that, Walter. - Well, I...

Quit? Are you... Are you out of your fucking mind?

Quit, Walter? Bite your tongue.

We don't quit. We're Miracle Motion Pictures.

What's our motto? What's our motto? If it's good, it's...

- A miracle. - A miracle. Exactly.

And why do we call ourselves Miracle Motion Pictures?

Because miracles are out there. They exist. They happen every day.

Not to us, but they're real.

All we have to do is keep our eyes open and our hearts free,

so that when our miracle presents itself,

we're there to recognize it and seize it accordingly.

- Come on. - All right.

Let's go find our miracle.

Great. Can you help me with the check?

Sure.

One, two, three, four. God is what we're fighting for.

Boycott movies made by Miracle Motion Pictures.

They are not miracles. They are blasphemy.

Avon Used Car. Scene one. Take one.

Hi. I'm Duke Mon...

Sorry. We'll go again. Keep it rolling.

- It's fine. We're shooting on videotape. - What?

It's the latest thing. We're always rolling. So ready whenever you are, Duke.

- - Aah!

Shit.

Hey, Reggie. Glad you're here.

You know, at first, I thought I would put a fucking bomb in your car

like that Mexican kid did in Orson Welles' Touch of Evil.

That kid was shifty.

Then I thought, "No. No. What I'll do is I'll stab him to death

like Tony Perkins did to Janet Leigh in Psycho."

Now that motherfucker really loved his mama.

Then I thought, "No, no, no, no, no. You know what I'll do?

I'll push his ass down the stairs

like Richard Widmark did to that old bat in Kiss of Death."

Remember Tommy Udo?

I didn't see that one.

Well, did you ever consider letting me go,

like Claude Rains did to John Garfield in They Made Me a Criminal?

Shit. I hated that movie.

Yeah, well, that's bad luck for you.

I liked that movie.

Unfortunately for you, Max,

this is one time when life will not imitate art.

- -

All right, Reggie. Reggie, listen.

I... I told you, this is the movie business

and that there was always a chance that we could take a loss.

- I told you that. - A loss?

I just went by the theater.

You haven't sold one goddamn ticket.

That's got to be some sort of fucking record.

But that's not my fault. I didn't do anything.

Those goddamn Catholics, they all went crazy.

They won't let people into the theaters.

But this is gonna blow over. Wait and see.

And all this press is great for us.

You can't buy this kind of publicity.

Listen to me, Max.

This piece of shit cost me $350,000.

I want my money back. All of it.

Yeah, but I don't have your money. It's up on the screen.

"Sure hit." That's what you said.

- I said that? - Yeah.

- I said that? - Guaranteed hit.

We all heard you say that bullshit.

Well, Reggie, come on. I'm a producer.

You can't always believe every word I say when I'm trying to raise money.

I mean, I get carried away. That's normal.

Just give me time. Give me time and I'll have your money.

I'll have all your money. I promise.

- You're lying. - I swear to you I'm not lying.

I'm not... Well, I'm... Okay, I'm lying a little bit.

But hear me out. I'm a hustler. I'm a producer.

That's what I do. And I will... I promise you,

I will look under every rock, every nook, every cranny.

I will leave no stone unturned, I will leave no resource untapped,

until I have your money in full, I promise you.

- With vig. - Yeah, with vig. With vig, of course.

- -

- All right. You got 72 hours. - Seventy-two hours.

After that, I choke you to death.

Like Tony Curtis in The Boston Strangler?

- You bet. - Okay.

I like that movie.

- -

- -

But he's so drunk, he can't even stand up, right? So they throw me out there.

Thank God I'm a master of improvisation, you know?

Then I thought to myself, "Who gives a shit?

- The French don't speak English." -

Security. Security. Who the fuck let this guy in here?

- Funny. - Max Barber.

Jimmy Moore.

I prefer James.

Well, I remember you when you were just a kid.

That was a long time ago, Max.

Hmm. Things have changed.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Can we go somewhere private to talk?

Sure thing.

So let me guess. You need money?

Is it that obvious?

No. I can't tell from your eyes.

I can't tell from your posture.

You've always concealed your motives well.

That's one of the many things I learned from working with you, Max.

Never let them know what's really going on inside of you. Sit down.

It's all over the street, Max.

You owe $350,000 to Reggie Fontaine for your latest opus.

Look, Jimmy... uh, I mean James.

It's all short-term, believe me.

Huh? Oh. What, you got a whole string of hits you're putting together?

- - All right. Very funny.

I'm just messing with you. I'm just messing with you, Max.

I'm happy to give it to you, for old times' sake.

Thank you.

I'm just gonna need one thing in return.

Terry Miller's script, Paradise. I want it.

I... No. I... uh, no, Jimmy.

- No, no, no. - It's the best script I've ever read.

It's a guaranteed Best Picture for me, and I want it.

I... I... I can't. I can't. Anything but that.

- You can't get it made, Max. - Oh, come on.

It'll cost $10 million to make that picture the right way.

I can get that kind of money in a heartbeat.

You couldn't put that kind of money together in a dozen lifetimes.

Why are you being so goddamn stubborn?

'Cause that script is my baby.

It's what keeps me going, Jimmy. I can't do it.

Wait, you forget who brought it to you?

Yeah. You did. So what? And look who put all the work into it.

Look who had to fuck his widow to get her to hand over the rights.

You did? No, I did. You know what courage that took?

You had a chance to make it years ago when you were almost somebody.

Yeah. You wanted to make it with Frank Pierce, for Christ's sake.

- Frank Pierce is a movie star! - Frank Pierce is a bum. He's wrong for the part.

He's dead wrong. He'd have ruined it. Come on.

At least, it would have been something to ruin.

But I, uh...

$350,000, Max.

I'll write you the check right now.

I get that script, once and for all,

and you avoid a shallow grave.

I can't do it. I can't do it.

$500,000, Max.

Absolutely not. I can't.

Seven-fifty.

Uh, I can't. I can't.

All right. A million dollars, Max.

A million?

No, no, no, no.

I... I can't. I can't.

No, no, no, no.

No fucking way am I ever gonna let you have that script.

Every scene is perfect. Every word is a gem.

You're beneath that script. You don't deserve it. I'm never gonna let you have it.

I'm never gonna let you have it. You're just gonna ruin it.

You're gonna ruin it, like with Frank Pierce, you...

- You know what? Fine. Fine. - You can't just give me the money?

Gotta put me through this fucking humiliation.

I'll just make it with Walter once you're dead. Same results and money.

I'll will that script to Ed Wood before I let you get your greasy fucking hands on it.

- Fuck you. - Yeah. Say hi to Reggie for me, you stubborn son of a bitch.

- You say hello. - You know what you make? You make fucking garbage...

- - ...and I win Oscars.