Frasier

I'm crazy about you.

I just started to feel like you didn't want

to be here with me.

Oh, gosh, nothing

could be further from the truth.

I tell you something else... I'm happy.

I'm glad, Frasier.

I'm happy, too.

I'm on vacation with my girlfriend Claire,

a woman who by all conventional measures is perfect for me,

and yet I've just had a vivid sexual dream

about someone who differs from her entirely.

It's a woman named Lana.

Excuse me, but why do I have to sit in the backseat?

Seriously,

my legs are starting to cramp.

Look here, seriously, why is she here at all?

I have just as much right to be here as you.

"Here" doesn't mean the front seat.

All right, listen, ladies, we got about an hour to go.

I would like to have a little quiet.

I'm going to turn on some music.

Morning, gang.

Hi, Niles. Hello.

How's my natural man? Mmm...

As hungry as I am hairy.

No kidding. That goatee sure came in fast.

I know.

I credit the hothouse atmosphere

of this tropical paradise.

That and our nearly constant nudity.

Gone is the citified dandy of just last week.

In his place stands a feral Caliban,

a sandy-bottomed Dionysus,

a lusty, insatiable...

Ooh, scones.

Here is your special order.

Thank you.

I'm starving.

Claire and I have been up fishing since 5:00 a, m.

You've already got more fish than we could eat in a year.

Well, we didn't just fish. We went for a swim

we explored some caves

and watched a school of dolphins.

But the best part was when he taught me

how to hypnotize a lobster.

You what?

It's all in the eyes.

Hey, Marty, try this.

Mm.

Mmm! Not bad.

Hey, Niles, try this pancake.

Claire had them crumble the bacon right into the batter.

Oh, I... I don't really like pancakes.

Well, that's 'cause you're used to Daphne's. Here.

Oh, those are magnificent!

Claire invented them.

Yes, no doubt on the seventh day while you were resting.

Good morning, all.

Hi, Fras. Hi, Fras.

Hello, my sweet, darling man.

Hello, kiddo.

Have they found your luggage yet, Dr. Crane?

Ha! Fat chance.

Souvenir of your stay?

Oh, sure.

Oh, yeah, by all means.

This is a bunch to remember.

It's not a vacation

till Dad's taken a picture of one of his meals.

Very good. Thank you very much.

Well done.

You can pick them up at the front desk.

Thank you.

Well, sorry to run off, but I have to finish packing.

I'll see you up in the room.

Okay.

Bye. Bye. Oh, she's a real find, Fras.

Yes, she is, isn't she?

Oh, excuse me.

Do you think we could have another picture

of just the family?

No problem. Thank you.

Well, what about Claire?

She's practically family.

Oh, very much so, but there may come a time when...

say, she isn't.

Thank you again.

Oh, hey, we'd better get going, Daph.

We got fish to pack.

Oh, and I didn't fillet them because Claire said

you can use the heads for soup.

Well, when I'm chopping them up, I'll be thinking of her.

Niles, listen,

I didn't want to say anything in front of the others,

but I find myself in a bit of a quandary.

Well, it's not so much a quandary, really,

it's more of a pickle.

Not so much a pickle, but... no more than a, a, a cornichon.

What is it?

I think I want to be with Lana, not Claire.

Forgive me, Frasier,

but that's one big-ass cornichon.

I know, I know.

I'm having a perfectly wonderful time with Claire.

It's just that my mind keeps drifting back to Lana.

For God's sake, why?

She's loud, she's crass...

Yes, yes, but she's also

challenging, sexy and exciting.

I'm just afraid I may have let go of that too hastily.

Frasier, you do this every time.

You're in a great relationship with Claire.

Don't overthink it. Embrace it.

You're right, Niles.

Thank you.

Yes, I should just go with it, huh.

Gosh, I don't know what's wrong with me.

I don't know why I... I keep insisting

on overanalyzing everything.

Because you're crazy, that's why.

Claire's perfect for you

but I like her, too.

How many times does that happen?

But what about Lana?

Oh, forget Lana.

Stay with Claire.

: Stay with Claire.

Stay with Claire.

Dad, I am not a lobster.

Of course I'm going to stay with Claire.

I'm just going through some momentary doubts

and I needed your guidance.

Glad you got what you needed.

Thank you.

I feel completely at ease now.

No more doubts. No more nagging questions.

I'm just being a little overly cautious, that's all.

Who could blame you?

I'm not sure about Claire, either.

God knows she has got quite the fan club around here,

but I think you can do much better.

You'll know when you meet the right person.

You feel it in your gut.

It's true.

But you see...

I don't want to feel like I'm leading her on.

Maybe I should just tell her what I'm going through,

you know, be completely honest.

Whoa, that's just what you don't want to do.

So, you vote for Claire?

I don't know. Lana has her good points.

And don't underestimate

the crush you had on her in 11th grade.

But Claire can give you sophisticated conversation

and she leaves a clean area.

I don't envy your choice.

Lift your feet, please.

Excuse me, miss, you have the time?

Yes, it's... Niles?

Yeah, mon.

Y-You look...

Did you get hit on the head by a coconut?

The coconut of revelation.

I discovered a whole new side of myself in Belize

and I'm not going to abandon Island Niles

just 'cause my vacation's over.

Well, Island Niles might want to rethink the short pants.

Island Niles would prefer not to wear pants at all.

You should have seen us, Roz.

Out in the elements,

nothing on our bodies but sunblock 120.

It was exhilarating and primal and...

frankly, it's disappointing to have to strap myself

back into these fabric shackles.

So you're going to be spending all your time

at the nude beach now?

Seattle has a nude beach?

Well, not officially.

But just south of Alki,

there's this little strip near the lighthouse.

Thanks for the tip, Roz.

Here's another one: Don't go on Thursdays.

It's Senior Volleyball Day.

Oh, well, Roz, I see you've met Island Niles.

At least he did you the courtesy

of putting a shirt on.

I'm still not wearing underpants.

Hang loose.

May I have a latte, please?

Well, Roz, you'll be pleased to know

I have come to a decision.

Claire it is. So long, Lana.

Are you sure? Trust me, Roz.

The brain is racked, the soul is searched,

the window is closed. Claire in; Lana out.

I'm glad to hear it.

Yes. LANA: Hey, Roz.

Hi, Frasier.

Lana, uh, hi.