The Stud (L'Étalon)

- May I speak with the captain? - That's me. Hello.

I must get aboard your ship.

- Well, you've got nerve! - Pardon?

- Oh! A tarantula, captain! - She's there, Jojo!

Mister Joe, do you want that little creature to calmly meet its fate?

You must not harm animals.

I'm a veterinarian. May I put my suitcase down for a moment?

Oh, not right now, sir. You can see we're working on the deck.

Listen, tonight we'll give you a signal with the siren.

Manuten! One siren!

Fine. I'll recognize it. See you tonight.

You took my turn, Mister Pointer.

Oh, pardon.

Ah, Mister Lemercier, you bet 10 francs and lost.

- Hey! Are you playing for money? - A little. We have modest means.

Ah, you play for money? Without

paying taxes to the state? Are you committing fraud?

Listen, Mister Dupuis, you are a tax collector, but we are on vacation.

There is no vacation for a tax collector.

It's time for a Ricard. I'll give you one, okay?

- Attempted bribery? - What makes you think that?

The night that hangs over your body

is a night without love.

Woman, it is your sleeping dream.

Wake him up...

Young man, two pastis for these gentlemen. With ice, right?

Tomorrow we face the pétanque club from Bagnoles.

We use our own cochonnet, because theirs is supposedly magnetized.

Oh, Mister Pointer, you don't believe those rumors, do you?

Ah, look at that. There's a fly in my pastis.

Dirty creature.

That will be a tough match tomorrow, won't it? Thank you.

We have to get up early to stay fit.

Always, always, always... Me, Troubadour...

Light meals, ten hours of sleep. Get up early, stay in shape.

Love. Love.

Always...

And naked wind still blows... The Troubadour extinguishes your body...

In a delightful corps-à-corps, where Troubadour

never sleeps, because Troubadour loves love.

Love always, love always, the Troubadour loves love.

The 10 franc menu and half a carafe of still water, please.

Love always, love always, love always, the Troubadour loves love.

- Here you go. - Hey there, do you have a permit?

- A permit? - Yes.

Do you pay a tax stamp for this stand? No? Then

you have no right to inspect. Last warning.

But health, health!

But say, what is this? Am I supposed to jump out of the window?

We're asking for a doctor.

If there is a doctor among you, let him show himself, even

if he is just eating an American lobster.

What do you mean, no doctor?

Minding your own pastis, or it'll be full of flies.

That is also a mammal.

That is not a doctor, but something else. About time too.

Lie down, madam, in the hotel office.

- Leave me alone with the patient. - But she is my wife.

- You are tiring her unnecessarily. - Come, come with me.

See you shortly, doctor. But no, sir, not right now.

The mouth, the nostrils, all right?

The chest, the belly, perfect.

The knee works well.

Nothing wrong with the leg.

The animal is in good condition.

Hello.

- What exactly happened? - I don't know what came over me.

I was no longer myself. I wanted to put an end to everything.

In the middle of the vacation? With such beautiful sunshine? By the sea?

Sun and sea do not replace love.

- They encourage it. - Not with my husband.

Why not? Does he get seasick?

No. But he does for playing jeu-de-boules. For fishing.

And to win all the domino matches when it rains. He is good at that.

- And do you work a lot during the year? - Yes.

I have a good life, every comfort at home:

a 404, refrigerator, household appliances… but…

That is the problem of our time: men confuse comfort with pleasure.

Is that true?

- What should I do? - Tell your husband he should work less.

Or else...

Wait a moment…

I can…

I don't really know.

- What are you doing? - Farewell, doctor.

Tell my husband that she is leaving to remain faithful to him.

Wait for me.

- Doctor, it's taking quite a while, isn't it? - Open up, doctor.

I want to see my wife, damn it.

Mister Pointer, the doctor has run off with your wife. God, forgive this adultery.

Oh, Nelly, what has come over her? She has everything she wants.

I even replaced the 404 two months ago with a Renault 16.

I flash you, Mister Pointer. That gives me a nice cheated husband.

Watch out! He isn't even a doctor, but a veterinarian.

She left with a veterinarian?

Adultery, illegal practice of medicine. I'll call the police.

Didn't you see how desperate she was?

She walked toward the tidal track.

- Is she doing it again? - Can you swim?

- No, and you? - Me neither.

Let me go.

Let me go, you won't seduce me anyway.

Dirty men, you want to rape me. I would still have a clear conscience.

- It is a remarkable case. - Yes.

Poor little dog, all alone, abandoned.

Look how cute, so sweet and affectionate.

- The report, there is a reward for it. - Yes.

Police! But heavens, what does the police actually do?

Calm down, calm down. Donald Bosch, chief commissioner, sir.

Dupuis, first-class tax collector, second grade.

Where are the lovers, so that Mister Louisier can establish the adultery

can establish it? They are gone. But look, that is the lover's dog.

Ah, that's something already.

Where then is the victim, or rather, the unfortunate one?

- Is that him? - Yes, that's right, it's me.

Women… Good, the dog will lead us to the owner. Are you coming, sir?

I'm coming along.

Ah, you're coming along, do you hear that, Mister Louisier? Not a trace of shame anymore.

- Journalist? - Amateur.

Good, let's go.

I understand your sorrow, madam. It is the sorrow of all faithful women.

Of course, those who take lovers,

those without principles, they don't lose sleep over it.

But that is no reason to resort to such extreme measures.

You must return to your hotel, madam, and talk honestly with your husband.

No, I don't want to see him anymore. I will stay here, I'm not going anywhere.

We cannot leave her alone.

She is trembling all over.

- It will pass. - No, it won't pass.

You don't know what love is. I need love.

- Yes, I do know. - Have you thought about that girl, Doc?

I am faithful too.

Faithful to a memory.

You see, you can persevere.

I'm in the peace movement, but tonight I'm a fascist.

One more vote for us next year.

- Is she there? - They're going to get you, Doc.

- But... - Is she there?

- With the veterinarian. - There they are.

But that is my wife.

You were supposed to watch television in the hotel.

- But my wife? - And the veterinarian.

- But those are the people we're looking for. - I'm sorry for you.

I have an adultery case. That's enough for tonight.

Don't leave me with two nuisances?

Come on, Kéké.

Here, look. If there is a little penis, there is no doubt.

No doubt. The report.

Yes, and the reward.

My boat. But it is leaving. Where is my suitcase?

What will become of me? I have nothing left.

But you can't show yourself here anymore, Doc. I investigated with the lady.

In London.

And all that because of that love madness.

Why can't people simply make love when they want to?

Now they have to do it secretly, behind the rocks, by the water's edge.

Like ducks. Really, it does not do justice to humanity.

Oh, if only it were allowed.

You see, madam.

What your husband needs… and all those exhausted husbands…

Are substitutes.

Strong, healthy, powerful boys… but with high morals.

That would be wonderful.

We would make them take very strict exams. Tests.

Madam, I missed my boat, but while I wait for the next one,

I will study your problem. Count on me.

- Go back to your hotel without worry. - But people will take me for your mistress.

Not at all, no proof, no adultery. Go peacefully.

I will watch over you, madam. And over all faithful women.

Doctor, I trust you.

Hey, Doc. You really cheered that girl up with your talk.

But it was not just talk,

I will do what I said, and tomorrow I will begin.

I don't even know where I should sleep. I don't have a penny left.

Here, Doc. With me. Outdoors.

You lead a healthy life, my friend.

And you are strong. Well built.

Tell me, Lionel. Do you respect women?

- Since I take care of my mother, yes, Doc. - You have a good character.

That's good, Lionel.

- But why do you ask that, Doc? - I'll explain that to you later.

You will see.

It will be wonderful.

Oh, Nelly! Nelly, my Nelly!

Where were you?

Well, Mrs Pointard? What have you been up to?

Debauchery? Adultery?

- Are you crazy? - Are you crazy?

Yes indeed. I climbed through the window.

- And then? - And then?

And that man who cared for you? Didn't he follow you?

- I'd like to see a man follow me. - Ah!

- Another man than my husband. - Another man than her husband.

Oh, my Nelly. I thought you were cheating on me.

Cheat on you? You, my enemy?

May lightning strike me if I lie.

You see, she does not fall. You have

strange ideas. You are only a collector.

Collector.

I, who devote myself to the well-being of others.