Fly Me to the Moon (Un plan parfait)

What bothers me,

is to hear all day

that lots of single guys want to settle down.

Excuse me, but I've been looking for six months.

Well, it's a desert.

I tried everything!

I go out in the evenings.

By myself of course,

but that's not that bad. -Stop it!

I went on a singles cruise.

But I don't have the stomach for sea travel

and I was seasick for a week.

I registered on dating websites,

every single one. But there are only idiots there!

So...

Excuse me... A small duck liver

with pear on a bed of lettuce.

Thank you.

I've been to "Speed-Dating", "Blind Date",

"Speed Blind Date"

housewarming parties...

Since when do we invite strangers for Christmas?

She's Coco's new boss. A very important publisher.

And? -She was alone tonight...

She's unbearable! -I know.

Another resolution was...

I went to see a make-up artist who suggested a new haircut.

My hairdresser, Francis,

chose to do highlights and a volume treatment.

I wanted to show my face.

And it worked, right?

She should keep her mouth closed instead.

I haven't met anyone yet,

but I don't care...

because what matters is the attempt of having looked for someone.

And since my divorce...

I've been better than ever.

Leave her, honey.

Cry, let it out.

I'm so sorry.

I'm ruining Christmas Eve for you.

Not at all. -Are you kidding?

You're getting on my nerves.

Mom!

Well, she's a nightmare.

She's recently divorced.

Yes, she mentioned that five times. But what's her problem?

My problem is,

that I'm 36.

The love of my life dumped me like trash.

I can't stand it!

I don't meet anyone.

Nobody!

Just idiots that want to hump me. -Mind your language!

Dad, what does "hump" mean?

Sorry.

To hump someone,

it's like cuddling, but harder.

What's hard?

I'll explain later.

I'll never meet anyone.

I'll end up alone.

Well, Véronique...

Valérie...

Yes, whatever.

Let me tell you a story.

Not again,

the same old story! -Please...

I'll go sit on the sofa. -You stay here!

Valérie...

No woman in our family

has had luck with the first marriage.

It's our curse.

More like a twist of fate. -A curse!

I don't quite know when it started.

In 1884, with my great-grandmother Adèle.

My grandmothers, my aunts, my cousins

all had to remarry

to be happy.

I will have a divorce too.

Of course!

Don't say that!

But it's true.

For us, the first is never good.

Valérie...

I'm the second.

And grandpa too.

Yes.

There was one who wanted to avoid it.

Isabelle.

Who's Isabelle?

My older sister.

It began ten years ago.

She met Pierre during the final year

of her dentistry studies.

He was her tutor.

Tall and hadsome...

Soon,

he becomes her private tutor.

Soon, she moves into his apartment.

And it quickly becomes their apartment.

They work together.

Open wide.

In fact, they do everything together.

And for ten years, every week is the same.

Brunch on Sunday.

Isa, your foot!

Bowling on Monday.

Eating at the "Les Milles Saveurs" restaurant on Tuesday.

Veal chop? Sea bass?

Thank you, Pascal.

On Wednesday,

Pictionary.

A club chair! -Yes!

On Thursday morning,

it's tennis.

And on Friday...

I'll skip the details.

Go on, Coco.

In short,

Pierre was the one.

But he was the first.

So she decided

not to get married.

Isa is smart!

In her own way,

she managed to advert the curse. -But something was missing

for perfect happiness.

At first, not having kids seemed fine.

But at some point it went astray.

What are you doing?

Sorry.

Within a few months it became an obsession.

She was constantly thinking about it.

Even when she wasn't, her biological clock kept reminding her.

I'm going shopping.

Everything okay?

Yes, great.

You know, many unmarried couples have children.

Listen,

for my mother, we already live in a mortal sin. Our kid would be the devil's child.

She would sprinkle it with holy water, whenever she'd see it.

Imagine the baby having to wear a raincoat.

In our family it's always marriage first, then children.

You only need to do one thing,

marry me.

You know I can't.

Excuse me.

This went on for a while.

But one day she gave in.

We've known and loved each other for ten years.

Nothing will happen to us.

A modest, quick wedding and that's it.

Everything will be fine.

Since when do you smoke?

Since now.

What's wrong with me?

You were so happy.

You found the flaw.

I know,

but I want to have children with Pierre.

Being a single mom isn't that bad either.

Mom!

Hi, mate.

How can you say "yes"

when you know how it ends?

Don't tell me you believe in these superstitions?

No, but I'm glad I'm the second.

Will "Vertigo of love" be played at the wedding?

Please don't be mad, but we'll have a DJ. -Out of the question.

Music is my thing.

And that did it.

But...

I don't understand, what the DJ has to do with the story...

Stop with this anecdote, nobody cares!

A story has many facets, like a prism... -Facets.

Farah Fawcett. -Brigitte Fosset.

Nope. You lose!

Now, where was I?

Stimorol. -Oh yes.

You know, in Denmark,

one can get married and have a divorce 10 minutes later.

The plan was,

express marriage and immediate divorce.

We called it

"Operation Stimorol".

There you are!

Landing in Kopenhagen at 9:53.

Lars von Anderson, a student, will be expecting you.

He says "yes" at 11:00.

At 11:30, divorce.

Return to Paris at 15:00 and you're available for Pierre.

Is this risky? -No.

I lied to Pierre, I hate myself.

What have you told him?

The first thing that crossed my mind. That you're depressed

and I'm accompanying you to a spiritual retreat.

That's what crossed your mind first?

I know...

We're neighbours! What if he comes by?