Tormenting the Hen

It's vacation! It's vacation!

I'm working. You're on vacation.

You better watch out.

Oh my God. Look at that woman.

That's so scary.

I'm sure she'll introduce herself.

We'll figure it out that way.

How are you? Oh, so excited to have you.

Thank you so much. I'm so...

You weren't waiting long, were you?

So uh, what time will we get started tomorrow?

Oh, yes. Tomorrow, nine to five.

And the actors got here yesterday.

They totally fucked up this car.

It smelled like McDonald's for like 12 hours,

so I aired it out.

I used some... It's kind of nice.

It's like a pine scented thing.

My friend actually makes it in her house,

but you would never know that,

because it has a really nice label.

But it's like an air freshener.

Anyway, point is,

I don't think it smells like chicken anymore.

But it did, and I was mad.

I appreciate that.

Where do you get your inspiration?

Oh. New York City is ripe.

I mean, anywhere you go there's characters.

It's awesome.

That's one of the many great things

about living in the city.

I don't know how you do it though,

because it's hard to make art there.

I think make my art better out here.

But then I also feel like I found my calling,

which is not necessarily to make my own art,

but to facilitate other people's art, hence...

I mean, that's why coming here to places like this

kind of helps balance it out.

Yeah, it's really interesting, this type of vegetation.

We don't really have that in Brazil.

I went there for like one month when I was in school.

I was studying.

Ah, the people are just so beautiful.

And I always wanted to go back, always, always,

more than any other place in the entire world.

Ah, that's so nice.

The fucking men are gorgeous! They're gorgeous.

It's another level.

I mean, and the women are gorgeous too,

which is unfortunate for people like me.

Like I don't have really any boobs.

And so you kind of have to like...

That's just between us three.

But the men there don't fucking care.

I mean, I have an ass, so that gets your far.

You know, it's like a Latin American thing.

I mean I think it's just like an anyone who's not white.

I don't know why white men,

they just don't want you to have any ass.

What do you do, by the way, Monica?

I came to the United States

to go to school for environmental engineering.

Wow.

Earth. That's like Earth stuff, right?

Well I mainly deal with trees.

And the impact of roads,

and when we are going to build bridges,

or things like that.

So I just focus on trees.

There's plenty of trees here.

So how did you guys meet then?

I went to this topless bar one night.

She was working, and I was like,

"Ooh, I want that one."

She had boobs.

There are a lot of people up here

who are like you guys.

What do you mean, like us?

Like...

Into alternative sexuality, I guess.

But I think it's honestly, it's like the men...

I feel like once you get north of the Mason-Dixon line,

it is very hard to find a good man around.

So, it's like, I understand.

I mean, that's what it needs to be.

Because we can't keep having babies.

What are we gonna do?

Like, if you don't have kids,

that is just so good for the environment.

I still want to have a child.

Oh, are you going to adopt one?

No. I want to have my own.

So probably will find a donor.

Oh.

Who would you get?

We're thinking maybe her brother.

Oh, that's weird.

Well, I mean, that's on the table.

- We talked about that. - Your brother?

Oh my gosh.

Well, it would be like having her blood in me.

You know, part of her family tree with my family tree.

It just makes sense.

I feel like having sex with your brother...

No one is having sex with anyone.

It's gonna be artificially inseminated.

She looks like an '80s rock star in that little outfit.

- That's mean. - No, that's not mean!

It's not mean! I'm just saying, she's a fashionable person.

She's giving you '80s, that's...

She must be tired. She talked the whole way.

You know what? Cheers love.

This is a real, live apple tree.

You can eat right out of this.

I don't think I've ever...

I don't think I've ever seen an apple tree.

This is gorgeous.

- You are so funny. - What?

Oh, you gotta see how long it bugs you. Let me tell you.

You hate bugs.

Yeah, bugs. I like nature, just not...

Not the bugs. They're part of you.

Actually I have a really good bug story.

So my father...

Mio pai. Is that right?

Look at you. You can speak Portuguese.

I did it.

So mio pai.

When he would come back home from the Amazon,

he would have these larva basically inside of him.

Because over there they have these flies that bite you,

and they lay eggs inside of you.

And then you have to wait until the larva grows

so you can take the larva out of your body.

So he would put a piece of ham where the fly had bit him.

And he would see this thing moving towards the thing.

- And then he would squeeze. - Ugh!

And the larva would come out.

That's nasty! Gross!

And I would be so embarrassed because he would do that

when my friends were around.

And I was so embarrassed.

Why in front of your friends?

I don't know. Just the way he is.

I mean, did he know that it embarrassed you?

Oh yeah. He didn't care about that.

I'm so proud of you.

Oh, baby. Thank you.

I love you.

I love you.

Close your eyes.

- You need to relax. - I'm trying.

You don't have to try anymore.

Oh, really.

Ooh, this is new.

He's like, "Left foot. Eh. Oh. Oh."

Oh. That's my favorite.

Aww. He's a cutie.

He's a stupid kid.

He's not a stupid kid.

Yes he's a stupid kid. He's a kid.

Well he's not a stupid kid.

You don't know that he's stupid.

He's just uncoordinated, how about that?

It's a little bit nicer.

All kids are stupid, Claire.

Well kids are not stupid.

They might do stupid things, but kids are not stupid.

Come on, Claire.

They have an undeveloped brain.

They can't care for themselves.

So that means they're stupid?

Yes.

Okay, so when I care for you, that means you're stupid?

No, because I can get up and do whatever.

Claire, stop being politically correct. Come on.

Because I'm saying that kids are not stupid?!

They are. It's just a fact.

A fact.

Maybe it's an opinion, but definitely not a fact.

You were stupid too. I was stupid, it's okay.

Why stupid? Why that term?

Why not?

Because that's offensive.

You are making it offensive.

It doesn't have to be offensive.

No. That is offensive.

If someone says you're stupid,

would you not be offended by that?

As an adult, yes.

But not as a child?

No, because I wouldn't understand.

Their brains are not developed.

They're stupid, and then once they get to maybe five or six

they become a little bit more into being a person.

You wouldn't understand as a kid

if someone told you that you were stupid.

Your brain is not developed.