Rick and Morty

There he is. Knew I'd get a handsome man

in here if I waited around long enough.

Had to patch a tire out on County Line.

Too good for a tow?

Too impatient.

You city folk. Always in a hurry.

By God, look who it is!

He's back!

Hey!

Welcome back, brother!

Don't know why I ever leave.

A place to bowl, a place to fish.

Together: And a beer to hold doing it!

Best friends!

We love you, Ted!

Together: Ted!

You still selling PVC?

How’s -- How’s business down there?

Good enough to get me back up here.

Think you could put in a word?

Son, you don't wanna sell pipe.

He just wants to lay some.

Ah, good to have you back, brother.

Ahhh. Split a sixer?

Marjorie's keeping the place open late now?

Yeah. Her mother passed a few months back.

Don't think she wants to go home.

Everybody's runnin' from something.

How's Luisa? She still kick you out of bed

when you drink?

Yep.

Might as well keep drinking.

Open the register and gimme your wallet!

Ahh!

No, no, no.

Teddy?

Hello. There's a robbery.

I think this guy's having a heart attack.

Ted, where you going?

Hey! The cops are coming.

Ted! Teddy!

This guy's dying in here!

Ahh!

Gaaah!

Alright, well, shit.

What the hell? What the hell?!

Looks like you learned some things about your body.

I'll make this simple, Ted.

You're not a PVC salesman from two states south.

You're the smartest man who's ever lived,

and you were born 400 lightyears away.

You’re on Beloi-6E.

It's a primitive planet with good country music

and a shit-ton of snow, real early '90s Earth vibes.

They're 100 years from first contact,

so they don't know who I am -- who you are.

Which is the whole point.

Y-You think it's fun to be a god, Ted?

You think God's nipples get hard when he murders a fish?

Th-That's why every summer

I take two weeks off and come here.

I wipe my brain and pull all but my survival tech.

I go home with the peace of mind stupid people get

from watching Kevin Costner movies.

So, look, if you're seeing this because shit's gone sideways,

hit the red button to be me again.

If everything's cool, hit the blue button

to clear this from your memory and enjoy the rest of your trip.

Okay, Morty, that’s a wrap on

"If you’ve been messing with my tech."

Let's run the "Taken" scenarios.

You here about the dishwasher job?

Shit, you're a popsicle.

You know me, right?

I'd sure like to think so.

I mean it. How could you?

I'm just some guy who shows up every year.

Well, something keeps you coming back here.

Ooh! Lay back. I got a surprise for you.

Got this set up since your last visit.

It's nice.

Haven't really found occasion to use it.

Thanks for giving me one.

I don't mind the company.

You still have that spare room in back?

I don't want to sleep in the RV.

Mm. Don't go.

I'm not gonna.

Okay, obviously, you're seeing this hologram

because you ignored the instructions from the last one.

If you’re seeing this hologram, you decided to ignore...

I dunno why that would’ve happened,

it’d mean you went pretty rogue.

...the hologram that’s currently playing.

So just a gentle reminder --

you’re not a real person, you’re me.

You’re permanently...your vacation spot,

which hurts you more than it hurts me.

Though, in all honesty, we’re both getting hurt

pretty severely...

Ted, one of these days, you gotta come up in July.

I caught a muskie last summer came about up to my neck.

Stop lying to the man.

No fish in this lake.

Actually, thought I might stick around this year.

See the thaw.

For real, Teddy?

You're gonna -- You're gonna stay?

What about your company?

Doesn't seem real.

I-It's like I've been pretending I go somewhere when I leave,

but I think I only exist when I'm here.

Like this is literally the only place I'm actually alive.

Does that...make sense?

Good thing nobody's driving tonight.

Hey!

Rick: Fuck me.

Morty: Hello? Rick? Rick!

Who is this?

Aaawwww, I’m really gonna get in trouble for this.

How are you calling my leg?

I’m not supposed to ever use the leg phone,

but I-I just need you to get in the egg.

Don't pick a fight with yourself, okay?

I just want to get you home before anything worse happens.

Nothing's worse than finding out I'm some character

that asshole plays, some costume he puts on to --

He doesn’t need you alive to bring you home.

It's not my home! I'm not him!

You are. I mean, I agree with you.

He can be kind of a dick, but y'know, this --

this is just how it is.

No! Help!

Help!

Oh, and if you could just hang up the leg phone?

I’ll just -- I’ll never hear the end of it

if the leg phone gets lost.

Hello? Hello?

Ted, are you okay?

Thank you.

What is this thing, Ted?

I'm not who you think I am.

Is this your ship from space?

Your spaceship?

It's his.

He's...non-vacation me.

I don't know him. And I don't want to.

But this asshole's coming for me

and I don't intend to let him win.

Marjorie: For the love of Pete.

Do you understand what you're asking?

I wouldn't ask at all if there were any other way.

Janice, Mary, I gotta send you home.

We're closing early.

Come on!

We're only three frames in!

Thank you.