Absolute Dominion

Global terror deaths

reach new heights in 2044. The Sydney Mall attack...

The death now at 60

after suicide bombing...

Many killed and missing...

I can't tell if this has worked, I don't give a shit.

Listen, it's 2044, folks.

Year 2044.

It may as well be Berlin 1944.

Except there was less rubble then.

Eight attacks in the last week.

Rome, Marrakesh, Heidelberg, Istanbul,

Salt Lake City, London, Manila,

and every single one of these is in the name of god.

The Pencinites just blew up Kenmore Square.

Yesterday Fenway Park destroyed.

Gone.

Last week the Aluvahins blew up fucking Camp Nou.

The home of FC Barcelona.

What happened to keeping all this

around Mount Meggido?

Listen, if you want to fight

over your religion,

decide which religion should rule the planet,

I say, "Go for it!"

Every religion out there.

Pick a fucking fighter.

Here's what we do:

we have a big tournament.

I'm serious. We have a big tournament.

Choose a fighter. Train them to represent your religion.

And we just have a big fucking mano a mano.

Put them all in an arena and let them start going.

And whoever is left standing at the end,

that is the religion that we worship.

We'll do it that way. Call it the Religious Rumble.

No, fuck that, wait.

The Battle for Absolute Dominion.

Oh, fuck, yeah, there you go.

The Battle for Absolute Dominion.

Start training.

Time!

-I know. -Know what?

The bell doesn't start or end a fight.

I'm glad you know. Now try to remember.

If he beats you up

and then you beat yourself up,

you're taking two beatings instead of one.

Sun Tzu?

Simple math.

Another round?

Now you let your body rest until Saturday.

What do you think? Does he stand a chance?

Technically, physically? Yes.

Has he had any more?

Not since that day.

Did you find out what causes it?

EEG, MRI scan, CT scan...

all came back clear.

We're getting close everyone.

The last wild card tournament is upon us

and the 50 warriors left standing after this weekend

are gonna decide our faith.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome today's guest,

Professor Amanda Harris!

Look.

See the applause I can do?

I'm really excited to talk to you right now.

Um about the mess you got us into?

Professor, I made a joke

in a cheap trailer, using a thrift store camera.

I mean, who listens to random nobodies on the internet?

Apparently the entire world.

Let's talk about some more important subjects.

-Let's-- -First off,

Ammon Jones.

Pencenite, currently number one.

What will the world

-be like under Pencetism? -Mm.

I can't tell you what the world will be like

as that depends on other variables,

but I can give you

some background on Pencetism.

Pencetism is one of many apocalyptic ideologies

represented in the tournament, but unlike most of the others,

Pencenites have an exact end date

which is 2111.

- 48 years left. - Yes, 48, thank you.

Thank you.

The problem with groups

who believe the apocalypse is around the corner

is that they are not interested in progress.

On the contrary, they usually find comfort

in regressing to earlier times.

Alright, let's go to Nizar Haddad,

current number 2. Now, he seems like a nice guy,

but Dashifaris do not celebrate Christmas,

and I don't know, a world without eggnog...

That sounds worse than the apocalypse to me.

Okay, now,

Mestre Gato Santo,

number 3. I love Capoeira, I love Brazil.

Alright? And Celestians celebrate Christmas.

So this could be a positive outcome?

Unless you enjoy celebrating Ramadan or Hanukkah.

Okay, good point. Alright,

as someone who knows everything

about everyone on this list,

who do you want to win?

The question is not "Who will win?",

it's "What will they do with the power?"

Even the most tolerant ideology

will feel oppressive to those who will be asked

to give up the culture and traditions they grew up with.

So you're saying, because everyone took a joke

on the internet seriously, we're all fucked.

No, Fix. You were

the spoke that stopped the wheel

that was spinning us rapidly towards destruction.

I mean, do you have any hope?

- Oh, yes, yes. - Really?

I'm confused because you don't seem to be inspired

- by any of the contenders-- - On that list.

Oh, you're saying the list isn't complete.

You're talking about the last Wild Card tournament

coming up this weekend. Who is showing up for that?

- What do you know? - I know,

we need a miracle...

and I know how hard I prayed for one.

Good morning,

Battle of Absolute Dominion fans around the world.

and welcome to the very last Wild Card tournament,

only hours away now here on Shalom Island.

A satellite drone sending out a birdseye view of the stadium.

Here, an appearance of our top-ranking fighters:

Mestre Gato Santo,

who just moved to the prestigious

top-three ground floor apartments last weekend.

While Ammon Jones and Nizar Haddad,

number 1 and number 2 have been here for a couple of weeks now.

It looks like they're enjoying an al fresco coffee

in the calm before the storm.

- Sagan? - Attention,

-this is Shalom Stadium . -Shit!

Come on,

-stop messing around with me. -If he doesn't snap out

before we arrive at the stadium, we are done.

I know.

Stop with the pranks.

Come on Sagan,

snap out of it now. Please.

- Sagan! - We have arrived at

-Salom Stadium Station . -Let go.

What are you doing?

Please exit the air train.

We're going to be late, let's go.

For security reasons,

fighters and coaches must wait in the holding arena

until your name appears on the display board.

Hello and welcome to Center AD Live.

My name is Ceylon, your host.

I'll be with you all weekend,

covering the last Wild Card tournament.

This is the final opportunity for fighters

who are not ranked to qualify

for the Battle for Absolute Dominion.

Things sure look different around here today.

For the last time in this 20-year saga,

the battle stage has been taken down to accommodate

for a larger crowd of hopeful fighters.

Okay, so we're gonna play a highlight video

from the last ranking tournament

along with some messages from our sponsors

and hopefully, once we get back to you,

we'll know what's happening.

Stay tuned.

Attention, competitors and coaches,

the result of the group draw is now on the display board.

Please wait in the holding arena

until your name appears on the display board.

Group 3. There!

Bruno vs. Tsaturyan, mat number 3.

That's your last warning.

Ready?

Fight!

Break!

- Winner. - Winner, Bruno.

-Water? -No, I'm good.

And fight!

-Argh! -Are you okay?

Someone named Sagan Bruno

won against a bunch of no-names quickly?

Since when did we even talk about Brunk?

Sagan Bruno won 12 fights so far and broke the following stats:

fastest win ever, most fights won in the least amount of time

and most fights won without a single KO.

I don't think it's by accident.

It seems to be his style.

Not to be the Joan Rivers of the apocalypse,

but you call that style?